hypocritical me learns her ways and documents them

I had an extreme hypocritical moment and I need to document that I learn't my ways and junk.
So I have friends (i know right!?) but anyways, i've got friends, and i love all my friends as friends and shit, but sometimes my friends can be unreliable, and im not saying this to piss anyone off, but ive been ditched quite a bit in the past.. lets start off with the past, shall we?


A long long time ago... I was a younger kid, this was like elementary. I had everyones phone numbers in my address book, and week after week i would sit and call every number one after the other to make plans, and if they were busy (which they always were), id try to make plans for the next week, which conveniently they were busy then too. I dont know what you could be so busy with at that age, but they were busy, and id always be alone. then there was in school, where id be running around from group to group trying to find something to do, which of course never worked.
Now, Im not saying that im little miss innocent, I need to stress the fact that I was a weird effin kid, and if i knew myself back then, i would forsure not want to be my friend cause i was weird. but it still really sucked.
Then we move on to high school, where shit was wayyyyy worse lol, and i had practically no friends..
But all in all I realized "fuck waiting around for other people, and them not even wanting to see me, im going to let people call me!" But of course I'd sit and wait and nobody would call. so I started again with the calling and blah blah blah.

This brings us to the now, where I still tend to get cancelled on at last second A LOT, and although it doesnt effect me as much because i've been so used to it, its always a drag to just get pushed aside like that, and then keep trying to make plans and have them do it again and again. It even got to the point where my mom and I were scared to make the 18th birthday supper for me, because we were both scared that people would say they could show up and just not show up. and for me to feel like that towards my own friends was something scary.. but i decided to make it anyways and get really pissed at the people who ditch :p

Anyways continuing on, I have a friend who I know doesn't have many friends, they're a super nice person but unfortunately, just like me, they come on too strong and push people away from them totally without knowing and accidentally, because they are themselves and people dont accept that. So, we had plans for a day that wasn't necessarily today (im just writing it today) and i was really planning on cancelling on them. like i had a set plan to cancel because i was really not in the mood to see them. As I was thinking about it and I told my mom about it, as if at the same time, we both realized it was such a bad idea. Why? because that's totally hypocritical. I mean i've spent almost my entire life being blown off and ditched and cancelled on at last minute, and if i were to do this to this person, I'd be exactly like the people that have done this to me. Its one thing if its a good reason to cancel, but this person certainly didn't deserve it at all.. even though i wasn't really up for seeing them.
And you know what? I had a really good day with that person, and I completely do not regret my decision of cancelling because I would have felt so guilty for hurting their feelings.

I guess I just want to document the fact that I actually learnt something valuable from that experience, about treating others how you want to be treated, about looking deeper into someone and recognizing that they are just trying to fit in and make more friends, just like I was - and still am.

I know its not always going to be easy not to be hypocritical on things, like if you hate smokers but you love someone who smokes so you let them do it even though you dont like it, but i think that if its at the point that it completely messes with your values and what you think its important, then you should be able to not be a hypocrite about it, just like I wasn't a hypocrite about this.

So thats basically all, and maybe its also a comment on we shouldn't judge people (which is so parental of me to say), but its true, theres more to everyone than we think. :)

thats all folks.
love love love love,
jus. ;)

how to make it under the radar, or over it.

i've noticed that a lot of people know who i am.
i mean, this isnt me saying im popular or anything, but from elementary, five thousand different camps, high school, out of school programs, now cejep, through friends of friends, family.. i mean things get around.
i always wished nobody knew me, because the shit thats been said about me is insane, its almost like people know me by my name, but nothing else.
ive always been told that no matter good or bad, if people are talking about you, you're on their mind so you should feel all special and shit because they're taking their own time to think about you.
Boy, was i a sucker back then. I really believed that crap. Let me tell you, if their talking about you, and its bad, dont feel fucking special.
So, i wanted to write a few things, to remind myself, and anyone else who cares that sometimes being under the radar isnt THAT bad!
here are a few "rules" or "ways" to stay under the radar:
1. dont tell anyone anything. and i really mean that, because your friends might not be your friends forever, and they might be bitchy when you guys stop talking, which means your secrets are fucked.
2. dont draw negative attention to yourself. dont talk about bad shit that happened to you, or reasons for everyone to feel bad for you, because they will at first, than they'll either not give a shit, or use it against you.
3. never EVER get between two people. i made the mistake, so you might too. never ever tell people what other people are saying about them, because it will fuck you over in the end, for some reason the messenger gets fucked over more often than the people who actually started the shit talking in the first place.
and lastly, 4. dont lie. I know its a stupid one, but honestly, this one can RUIN your life. if you lie to one person and keep that lie with one person and that person ends up talking to people you know and brings it up, or brings it up infront of family or anything, you're known as a liar, or a whatever. if you're going to lie, at least lie to everyone so that this cant fuck you up, and tell everyone the same story..

see, in my opinion, this is how you stay normal, average, just on the line, and in the middle. The thing is, i wished i had taken my own advice there for previous parts of my life, because i would forsure not be in this situation if not.

BUUUTTT, considering i didn't do these things, and i can't really change the past, i decided i would make a group of other rules for people who are like me and fucked themselves over allready. how to make it OVER the radar, and still be happy.
1. shrug/ laugh it off. if it doesnt bother you, than its less likely to be the object of everyones conversations. if you let it bother you, people wont shut up about it
2. appologize. its the worst thing, but for when you've lied and get caught up in it, just say sorry. even if you don't get forgiven, at least you know you ended on saying sorry, and not just being a lying weirdo.
3. STAY over the radar. now that you allready are, if you try to stay under, everyone will think your suspicious or something. i mean if you're allready over the radar and everyone seems to know who you are, then own it and just say whatever. keep with who you are.
and lastly, 4. Continue to be careful about telling people things. i know that your supposed to stay over the radar and all, but you should always be careful what you say cause people totally suck sometimes, and your secrets are rarely safe.

I wish i was under the radar, but I'm happy to be over it. I mean, who gives a shit what people are saying about you if its untrue or if you don't even know them. Hey, shit happens to all of us, rumors spread and people are assholes sometimes. Im glad that people know who I am cause its one less step in introducing myself. PLUS, if people are going to judge me and think they know me before they even meet me, are they even worth knowing?

and so it is written,
JUS

and now im in a basement.

ive been thinking about what i wanted to do in my life.
forever, i knew it was teaching english, but for some reason, i feel like i wouldnt be a good teacher.
see, the sucky thing is, im not good with criticism. i try my best to take it well, but im overly sensitive, so ill always feel like im being made fun of, no matter what i do. so i basically just never ask for it. Being a teacher, id always get made fun of or kids would be disrespectful to me or whatever, and knowing me, id get all insulted and take it personal and like cry or something, cause im that type of person.
so basically, i wanna work on having a rougher exterior. i wanna take jokes well, i wanna not get insulted every time im left behind.. i think i can do that, any suggestions?
i really dont have much else to write about, so i should try to sleep or something.

ok bye people :)

the turning point in my life (inspired by another bloggers post)

I know i just posted like ten seconds ago, but i was looking at the blogs im following, and one is my boyfriend, max's, blog. he had a new post so i decided to read it, and i've got to say, it really inspired me.
he wrote about the turning point in his life, and how he picked up a rock and does that for each moment something big happens, and how it can change your life forever. click to read the post that inspired me
After reading this, I realized that whenever something big happens in my life, i write about it. and its always there for me just to look at.

Until today, i never really considered myself a full out writer because i don't even know what it means to be a writer. i mean i know you have to write, you have to love to write, but do you need to be published? do you need to write articles and books and be in writing clubs and know every essay format and be the greatest speller in the world? i never knew what a writer was. today, i know what a writer is, and ironically enough, i don't have the right words to describe that feeling.

I write letter to myself, letters to other people, letters to people who i've made up, and letters that made up people write to me. I've written short stories, ive written little bits of stories that i can't seem to finish, i've written countless essays and responses, analytical papers, and plenty more. i've had at least 10 diaries in my life, and i've even written terrible poetry that i'll never show anyone because its about a crush i had in grade 6.

Anyways, if i were to tell you guys the turning point in my life, i wouldnt be able to say just one. there are so many moments that could have changed my entire life, even the littlest thing could have changed everything. i think one of the biggest moments in my life was the day i chose who i wanted to be.. ill explain a little more.

I had always had role models, some older and some my own age, and in grade six i had this role model (who i will not name) and i wanted to be her, she was funny and pretty and cool and everyone liked her and i'd always admired her. the thing is, throughout peoples lives, they change, and they all make the decision that i made that day. she had become a bit more "mainstream" and she was wearing more pink and more designer, she started getting into fashion and becoming more liking of guys and all that, and of course as the little creepy person i was, i followed. I started dressing and acting different, and i started becoming such a girly girl jewish little princess. One day, i looked at myself and even though i was young, i knew there was something wrong with how i looked, how i spoke and how i felt.

I knew i wasn't being myself, but as a younger girl, i didn't realize this was me, trying to fit in. I remember i didn't like that i wasn't being myself, even though some people were liking me better. I decided that day , the decision that has haunted me since then, that i wasn't going to judge people, that i was going to be accepting and i was going to be myself, and id never sell myself out to fit in, and i would never be someone im not, cause i was so uncomfortable with it. i didn't know there would be a consequence to this decision.. and suddenly, i was weird, i was different and strange, and i didn't belong.

That was the biggest decision i think ive ever had to make, and all through highschool i went from loving it to regretting it to loving it, and to this day, i still don't know whether i like it or not. But i'm quite glad that I am the way I am, and I don't think i would have been able to go through fitting in with the people that i so desperately wanted to run away from every time i saw them. today, i regretted that decision so much. i had a bad day, and i wished that i just sucked it up and fit in, but i didn't, so ya.

Also, if i never made that decision, i wouldn't know as much as i do now about myself, i'd have fake friends, and a fake personality. I would have never met the people I did, especially my boyfriend max. Imagine i was a jap? he would have never liked me, and i would have liked him so much, because i know myself, and he would have seen the fake version of me, and probably wouldn't have liked it, along with all the people im friends with now, none of them would have liked the fake me.

I guess all im saying is that this was the turning point in my life, oh and also, im extremely jealous of max.
why am i jealous? because my goal in life is to inspire one person, at least just one person read something i say and have it effect them in some sort of positive way, and he's only on his like fourth post, and i've never felt so hit with muse and inspiration.. I literally am sitting here and i have to pee so badly, but after i read his entry, its like something stopped me from doing anything but writing.

so thats that, and theres much more to come because if i know myself well enough, something will hit me friday, and i'll have to write about him.. (friday is six months since the day i met max. shush don't judge me)

hope you guys find inspiration everywhere you look,
much love,
jus

my philosophy essay

brace yourselves people, this is a long post. i really liked my essay for my philosophy class, so im going to post it, and please email or comment and let me know what you think. if your going to criticize, make it constructive and don't just be an asshole. here it is :)

A Popularity Contest for the Ages

     When one uses the word culture, many things come to mind: television, advertisements, clothes, attitude, education and beliefs. However, how one person may perceive a cultural amenity they consume or enjoy may not be perceived the same way by those around them who might come to a different conclusion about its cultural value and status. By considering the content of the cultural products they consume, who the consumers are and the effect the consuming has on them, the difference between high and low culture will be explored.

     One of the major differences between high and popular/low/mass culture is the content of products consumed and the perception of the consumers whether they are "easy" or "hard". When looking at a product of any kind, when the consumer feels challenged by it, when the product seems tough to understand, or full of beneficial information, or perceived as classy and expensive, it is seen as very high cultured. On the other hand, when a product appears easier to understand, or less expensive, and without apparent moral benefits, it is looked at as just a more low cultured product. For example, when referring to movies, one who imagines themselves "high cultured" would rather watch a documentary or a very serious movie, such as a drama, as opposed to someone who might be perceived as "low culture" who would choose to watch a comedy. The documentary or drama is filled with all of this "brain food" and keeps the consumer thinking, but they imagine it is worth it because they will walk out feeling smarter than they did before; as opposed to the comedy, filled with humour and silliness, not requiring the consumer to think at all, and one will walk out feeling entertained but not at all any smarter than the moment they walked in because that was not their intent. Interestingly enough, the factor of time can make the perception of a product's cultural status, going from low to high. A great example of this is The Beatles who when they first appeared were seen as uncultured, an immoral mop-headed quartet because of their mass popularity and their music was seen as rebellious towards the more classic tunes of that era. Looking back now and considering the relatively innocent lyrics and use of innuendo, and knowing how outwardly sexual lyrics are in contemporary music, listening to them is thought of as very high culture. They have become old news, and compared to today's musicians, who have mass popularity, they are what people call classic. The content does not change but the perceptions of the content over time have evolved and categorized them as high or low.

     Another factor of high culture clashing with low culture is the people who consume the products. Based on content, we can see if the product itself is believed to be high or low culture, which directs you right to the people who consume them. For example, at John Abbott College, there were tickets to the opera available, and the price for people under 18 was free, whereas tickets to see the Vagina Monologues the tickets were $15. This shows how anyone over 18, thus considered adult, would pay to see the opera, because it is a product perceived as being of higher and older culture, and the opera is imagined as "good for you". This is different from the lower youth culture who wouldn't pay to see an opera because there is no perceived entertainment attached to it but when the school offered tickets to Vagina Monologues, it appealed greatly to youths because of raging hormones and sexuality, so they would pay the money to see something that has to do with sex. Another instance is when one turns on the television and sees that the news is on, but so is a hit new reality show where a group of young Italians live together and party day after day. The uneducated and ignorant culture, the popular culture, will go straight to the reality show (Jersey Shore), while the educated and not as easily manipulated higher cultured will watch the news because they believe it will better themselves to know more about the world around them. Though the people consume different products based on their own sense of taste, they might not realize how they are culturally perceived as a result.

     Finally, and maybe most importantly, the biggest contrasts between high and popular culture are seen in the effects it has on the consumers. When one person decides to go to the mall and is walking around looking for a store in which to buy clothing, if they stop at some place like Forever 21 or H&M and they buy the newest "in fashion" jeans and top, even if they don't like it that much, the effect it has on them is that they are looked at as part of the popular culture, because everyone is wearing those clothes. However if that same person decides instead to go into a Hugo Boss or a Zara store to buy a nice set of clothing for a higher price, the effect on them is that they are seen as being of a higher culture, because they went to get something fancier and more expensive which then makes them be perceived as somewhat superior. Not only are they classified into higher and lower culture for what they dress like, but they are judged accordingly. If one has their hair dyed blue they are immediately lower culture, even if they are interested in the opera. Interestingly enough, no matter how high cultured someone is, if they like one thing low culture, then they are automatically perceived as low culture, but it's almost not allowed to be the other way around. Once low culture is connected to you, the effect is permanent and it is difficult to undo.

     Whether one consumes a cultural product with an intention in mind or not does not change the fact that one is not in control of how that is perceived by others. Therefore, high and low culture is a matter of perception for each individual to come up with on their own. Before one chooses to consume a product, the cultural classification may already be attached to it because of the people who consume it, such as the example of all Jewish people loving bagels. Now, societies are comparing themselves to other societies, to see who the higher cultured population is. Forget about thinking that popularity contests were for high school kids; how far would a whole country go to make themselves seem the highest in culture?

hope you enjoyed it!

school troubles - learning center

im dying. philosophy is so hard its crazy, english has come to being crazy weird and confusing, and my popular music class is easy, but the book isnt a good read. SOOOO, im dying.
im not literally dying, cause im not going to fail, like theres no way in hell i will, for more than one reason
1. i have an AMAZING tutor for philosophy, whos helping me so much with my essay
2. i cant fail, im not allowed to fail, and i wont let myself fail.

so i wanna tell you about this tutor. i know this sounds weird but i feel like i can't just keep this secret to myself. I don't know where anyone goes for college, but if you end up at John Abbott like me, (and anywhere else because i know every place must have this) you should go to the Learning Center at LEAST once. honestly, i didn't want to go cause im not "stupid" persay, and i didn't want to be babied into understanding something, cause i have "pride" or whatever.
when i finally sucked up my pride because of the 1000 word essay i have to write thats due wednesday, i went to the learning center and said i really need a meeting for this essay. I ended up meeting up with this tutor twice, and to be honest, ive got almost the entire essay done, and i have a couple more meetings set up with this tutor.

honestly, asking for help sucks. especially when you're trying to become someone who helps other people, i hate admitting im wrong because im stubborn and i don't like saying i need help because i want to be able to do things on my own. but at this place, he literally made me do it on my own. he guided me and sooner than later i was just chatting away and had all of these ideas i didnt even know i could come up with.

so, for philosophy, ive got my tutor. for english, fuck english man :p no i love english, and i love my teacher, but she said she would help me and i havnt heard from her, so either ill talk to her in class, or shell answer back by message. and for music, i have a study date with my friend erica next weekend we're going to read all the chapters we're missing, which is like probably chapter 1 to chapter 5 or something. we'll see how it goes, im sure itll be great.

i don't have much else to say, but i wanted to definately write about how things went from bad to better all thanks to me actually giving myself over and saying i needed help.
it sucks to have to suck up and ask, but asking questions is much better than not knowing anything at all, trust me, i feel so much better about school and everything.

thats about all,
and btw, im going to try and write more, and if you ever want to comment, please feel free to comment, or email (justineerinfrankel@hotmail.com) and to subscribe to my blog. i'd love to know more people are reading it, even if they tell me anonymously, because it'll make me want to write more if i know that people actually want to read it :p

byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)

shut up and smile

im sitting here today, and im not in a great mood, im feeling pretty unconfident and shitty, and i just want to sleep you know? but my mom came to me and read this whole thing, and it sounded like a sixteen year olds writing, and it had my moms signature about a hundred times written on the back in different ways, and from seeing that I realized she had written it when she was younger, and it was a paper, for school i assume, just describing herself positively. When she finnished, she said "If I hadn't said it was mine, you'd think id be describing you" and that really made me think. BUT, i dont want to go off on some rant about how great I am, cause I know i'd be lying. but i think i wanna just say a few things i like about myself, because maybe its things that nobody else see's in me, but I see in myself, that i want to let out.

Firstly, appearance wise, I love my nose, i think its adorable. I like my eyes a lot, and i think my ears are a little big, but my earlobes are nice. I also like my neckline, and i think i have a nice chest, but im not going to go into detail about that. I like the way my shoulders look and the way the back of my neck leads to my back. I like my feet, but nobody elses!

Secondly, my personality. I think im hilarious, but nobody laughs at my jokes. I think im really generous and kind, but only to people who i believe deserves it. I think im like everybody else when it comes to wanting to fit in with their own crowd, but i refuse to sell myself out to hangout with certain people. I think im accepting of difference and i know im judgemental at first, but i believe i can be friends with anyone. I think im sweet and loving, and id give the shirt off my back for someone who needed it. Im ignorant, and sometimes i dont mind it, because the truths of the world would scare me too much.
And lastly, I think im talented. To some extent, im a horrible writer because I am hopeless with writing stories, articles are the death of me, but i can write an essay about something i understand, and i think i can blog, but maybe im crazy.

Its really hard to smile, when there is so much bad around me. yea, my parents have money, ive got a family that sticks together, i go on vacation and im in school and im not THAT dumb, but everyone has a story to tell, an unhappy one, and a happy one; and its hard to sit there and be a part of life with a smile on your face where there is so much to be sad about. You can't tell someone to focus on the happiness, because sometimes it feels like there is none, but you can try. I know it sounds ridiculous, even as writing this im saying i sound stupid and i should take my own advice, but im sitting here, thinking what the hell am I doing right now, and saying there must be something better than this, and im going to find out what that is.

Roussau once said "Man is born free, and forever he is in chains". Well, its the truth. feeling imprisoned in life is what life is about, we have al these laws and all these terrors in life, so how do we smile at those terrible times? my answer to that is simple, but crazy. JUST SMILE. dont overthink why you should smile, and what you should be happy about, just friggen do it! wish you were happy? then BE happy. you don't need a reason to smile, and yea you might look stupid, but you wont feel that way.
Last week, i promised myself I would tell myself out loud that i was beautiful every day, because when i said it in the mirror, i felt it. and guess what? I didn't do it, and the more i looked at myself and didnt say it, the less i felt it. and today, i told myself to be happy, and guess what? for no real reason, I became happier.

Happiness is just a feeling, don't overthink it and feel stupid about feeling it. Being happy is much easier than being sad. And while writing this blog, I went from sad to happy in just a few minutes.

love always,
Justine

radio show

sup "many" readers?
so interestingly enough, two new things are in the air:

firstly, im officially part of my schools radio. because in case at 10:00 to 11:30 AM on fridays people really wanna hear my voice, we'll there is their chance.
im actually pretty pumped for it because its going to be something totally out of my norm and something i usually wouldnt ever do. also, itll give me a chance to try out something that i used to always want to do. my only issue is that im going to be alone for the show, which is going to be boring because its boring sitting in a room alone, besides the fact that ill be listening to music.
i came up with a theme for my little show that ill do once a week, i want to find all the artists that have been born and passed away in the week prior to my show, and on my show mention them and then play their music. thats pretty original, right? well, thats life if its uncool. if you dont wanna hear it, dont be in the agora or munch box from ten to eleven thirty on friday mornings.

secondly, im finally understanding philosophy, and its REALLY freaking me out.
i mean, did you guys know that the whole H1N1 thing was a whole big scam? YEA! it was just a bunch of people in one place that got experimented on and shit went awry and they got sick, and the pharmacies thought this shit would go ROUND, so they made like tons of vaccinations, and then when it died out like really recently after, they had all these vaccinations, so they just decided to tell us we would die and junk, and made everyone take the damn shot.. i mean more people die from the common flu than the people who have died from the H1N1 disease.
oh and something else interesting? you know how we eat a lot of food and shit? well from all the cows comes tons of meat, and when less people eat meat, all the surplus of meat makes it easy to make meat cheap, cause theres so much of it, but then, all the fucking animals that get all drugged up and messed up for our food, get just disposed of, because farmers wanna make food cost lots. THEY JUST THROW OUT THE ANIMALS THEY TORTURE, SO THEY CAN KEEP THE PRICES HIGH.
people are fucked up, but speaking of eating animals, its dinner time and im famished.

from the desk itself,
jus

i wore a tux to my dream wedding

So I'm sitting in the GALA room (gay and lesbian association),and I really really love it here. I love that nobody judges anyone on what they like or how they feel or what they do; its just who they are that matters. Buuuuttt, this isn't what I'm writing about.

You know me, I get bothered by everything, and thats why I have a blog right? well, something else got to me a little, and I'm going to write about it :)

So in philosophy, we spoke about the way we were brought up culturally and how we have to do certain things because of what we look like basically. And our main thing was clothing with gender.
AAANNNNYYWAYYYSSS, In school, they're having a "Miss John Abbott" Pageant, where guys dress as chicks and we get to look at it and laugh until we piss our pants at how weird everyone looks.

For some reason (maybe cause im a psycho), this kind of bothers me. Why is it so entertaining to see a guy wearing a dress? Because dresses are for girls! BUUUUTTT, who decided that? Who decided that girls wear skirts and dresses and belly tops and headbands with little hearts and butterflies?
It angers me because we are basically devided in the simplest way, just because our gender, we have to dress differently. And of course, if we see a guy wearing a dress, hes clearly some "fag drag queen" that is inferior to us because he decided he wanted to look different.
Now, I dontwant to go preaching that we should celebrate differences and were all the same on the inside and akk that jazz, because that wont change anything, and neither will what I feel; but I do want to just talk about how I think the decision of this gender split with clothing is just so ridiculous.

And for me to say that, someone who strongly believes a woman SHOULDNT be president, is a big thing. I want to promote equality for what we dress like, not what we do. When we walk into a store, we are imediately split up from the other gender because they aren't selling at all the same things in both sections. I find that completely unnatural and unfair.

I just think that getting entertained by people dressing differently is totally the opposite of what people have always promoted. If we celebrate difference and people being who they are and all that crap, then doing this stupid event is basically making fun of the people who dress that way for FUN. I mean its a bunch of big guys, probably jocks and assholes who think their HILLARIOUS, dressing as chicks to make fun of females. And imagine the people who actually are guys who dress as women because that's what makes them happy? Are they allowed to join?

Clothing does not have a gender, it is a peice of cloth that has been manifactured into a style and a colour and a look that someone puts on their bodies to cover up their "private parts".

so thats all i gotta say. pce. :)

vaginas have opinions too

i am so excited.
im going to see the damn vagina monologues with my mum, and im excited cause its going to be the funniest effin thing on earth. empowered women make me so happy.
anyways, i was talking to some people today about feminists and junk, and I came to a sudden realization that can anger a lot of chicks, especially if its their time of the month (ehhhhh? ;))
so, i think that the president shouldnt be a woman. this is something i feel not so strongly about cause i really dont care that much since the world is fucked anyways so i dont care who fucks us over politically, but honestly, a woman president is a BAD idea, for a number of reasons.
First of all, whether we like it or not, us ladies are emotional as fuck. trust me, ive finally accepted that i feel the same as most girls, and it helps me control myself better. i mean us girls, we are fucking emotional, and thats okay. its really not that big of a deal, its just that we get all worked up and get mad when people say we are, which proves we are even more. I mean i hate being like other girls, emotional and all that, but that shit happens, and we gotta deal with it. A woman president will feel like they're the bees knees and they would take all matters into how they "feel", and then things would basically become all about them in the sense that if they think its wrong, no matter what science or facts prove, then they will act on their opinions.
Second of all, when it comes to fighting and war, unfortunately its around, and we gotta have someone who can fight back. Not to say that girls don't fight back and stuff, but most of us try to solve our problems differently, and gossiping about china isnt the way to solve a war if we have one with them. we need a man president who isnt afraid to send off bombs and fight back. When we dont fight, they'll just bomb us and win wars and shit. were too chick-ish to do that.
Thirdly, and this one will piss people off, girls and their fken time of the month. The world will go to shit for one week every month, because we are annoying as shit on our times, and it sucks, but we are 100% like this. We will be overly emotional, we will be angry, we will be hungry, and we will drive everyone bonkers. also, we will just fucking ruin everything with the god damned colour pink.
so everyone stop crying about how i feel, because you never know, we might get a chick in charge and she might be awesome, but i mean, I really don't want to deal with Justin Beiber being our national anthem.
Chicks would be shitty presidents, and thats life. Hey its okay we can still be strippers.

ok bye.

my big move

little do you think i was talking bullshit when i said i wanted a change? wellll... i wasnt yo. i actually messaged this girl i was in a class with last semester that im going to be in another one with this, and i totally TOTALLY swallowed my pride, and asked if she wanted to be friends, and if she could introduce me to some new people.
so, yes, i did ask a girl to be my friend, which seems pathetic, but is legit. i mean you see someone who looks nice, you either talk to them or you dont, and its weird cause we shared a couple conversations, and she knows my boyfriend so it was kind of like oh hey, but it was super legal to ask her to be friends.
and guess what btches, she totally understood my predicament, and said yes! and weve been talking. so haha.
i really still am in dissbelief that i did it, but like i said, im making a change, and im not going to spend weekends alone anymore. my goal of first semester continues, meet someone in every class. so boom. look out abbott. im making friends.
i sound like a loser.
k i have to wake up in like 5 hours and 30 mins, so goodnight world

written about a post that i deleted.

my blog became famous because im a bitch woohoo.

WELL, i gotta say, i can admit when im wrong, because i deffinately was by posting that last blog post.
I am not doing this to gain back friends or to get respect. I am doing this more for myself because i know i should.
I really should have spoken to those two people, but i was irresponsible and i didnt. That was totally my fault and a really wrong thing on me, but the past is the past, and posting bad shit on the internet doesnt make anything worse.
I think that I should be a little less open with other people, because that usually ruins things, but honestly, this blog is here for me to complain, so i should use it, complain and write and do my business here, so that i can take more time out to actually listen when people talk to me. I think that this is my fault entirely, and someone helped me realize that today. I wont mention anything and im not going to beg for forgiveness, because i really gotta accept the concequences. and if people who are angry at me ever decide to talk to me again, thats totally on them, and im not going to force it or whatever.
Im really getting my wrongs off my chest because i gotta stop doing the things i do.
To all these guys I meet that i become friends with, i gotta stop being so friendly. I mean I know thats who I am, and i dont expect anything from them, guys can get the wrong idea and think things that arent true. So i can still be friendly but not as friendly.
To all the girls I meet that i become friends with.. that doesnt happen because im a bitch. I gotta start being more of a friend than just some fucking person who sits around and doesnt shutup about herself. If i have something to say, i am a writer, so i'll just write it down.
To anyone i talk to, i think that my extreme personal life should stay with me. I appologize to anyone that i've said "too much" to, because its unfair and its probably things they dont need or want to hear.
I've got to start listening and being more attentive, and not just trying to impress everyone, cause when i do that, it always shits right on me.
I think i have to be the girl i want to be... starting now.
I want to more than anything start to just be myself, without the bad parts of me.

I want to remind whomever reads this that im NOT being a suck up to the people who i angered, because i do not accept forgiveness, i actually wanna thank the people who hate me for helping me realize i dont like when people hate me. I mean, i can't win over everyone's heart, but i can help myself be less of a people pusher (one who pushes people away from them cause they suck).

So there you go and there you have it. My appologies, and my new self. I will be a better person, and I guess ill report back on it.

ciao peoples

moNOthankyou

sup dorks.
if you are reading this, you can tell i havn't written in a while. well thats what happens when you're super popular and have no free time. im kidding. im actually a huge loser who spends all her time watching movies that her boyfriend makes her watch.
but enough about that, i'd actually been in florida two weeks ago, and on a cruise last week. it was quite nice and i made some alright friends. my favorite was the three lil boys who hit on me. because i jus LOOOOOVVVEEEE getting hit on while my boyfriend sits at home, sick with the kissing disease. i blame it on eating food off the ground. the doc blames it on anything.
so anyways, ive been thinking a lot, (run for the hills, ive been thinking!) just about the idea of schooling and junk. I've kind of got this hatred for cejep teachers. i was thinking about some of my older teachers from last semester (whom i will not name for my own safety), and i've got to say, they were some pretty big douchers. most are totally biased, some like to just be mean, others have issue with opinions, and one of them just kept telling me how wrong i was infront of EVERYONE.
I mean, i get it, you dont have to give a shit about us and if were late or were prgnant or we died or something, but you should give a shit that what you're teaching us, were going to have with us for a long period of time. I dont want to leave your class confused and pissed off tht you're the stupid one. I mean jesus, students should teach classes on how to teach to teachers. I've got an issue with biased teachers who think their side is the right one, and teachers who boast about the idea of us "expressing" ourselves, yet we aren't allowed to have an opinion on shit. well fuck that im tired of feeling like every little thing i do is wrong.
and now that im mentioning that, its not just in school, its everywhere. when you are the "teenage" age (between 16 & 20), its like EVERYTHING we do is wrong. and my mom always said, if everyone fails a test, it could reflect poorly on how the teacher teaches. so maybe everyone being so fucking WRONG reflects on the dumbasses around us who make us think what we're doing is right.
anyways, thats my complaining of the day
this wasn't one of my best writings, but i needed to yell, and i have more on my mind, but its too personal for the INTERNET. goodnight people, ill write back soooooooooon.
from the bed, picking her nose,
jus

im on my cell so if i typo suck it

so i wanted to post that i couldnt sleep, which i cant, but i took a good half hour to fix this dumb bum phone and to even get on this shit.
let me tell you the stress is building the fuck up. its like i was fine all semester, but the most boring canadian info humanities class might win over me, and i finally finnished my newspaper with the lil jews. and i have all these papers due and all that shit. since when am i supposed to not enjoy cejep? jeeeeeeeeez. but my one way to handle stress works out time nd time again. have a munchie, listen to the beatles, take a bath. yes, we all need alone time. shut upppp
i was really thinking about it and im actually scared shitless for the future. i mean like three things with the same deadline overwhelmes me enough that i blow it off, imagine when im actually an independant citizen. thats weird to think about. im tired
k im guna go sleep or try.
i wanna be a mom one day. to a boy cause god help me if i have a daughter whos anything like me
BYEEEEEEEEEEE I LUV U ALL ROFTLES

i see two guys in leather jackets arguing

so, the idea is, nobody is allowed to call me racist after this blog post, cause im an opinionated individual, but i really couldnt give a crap if you did cause i know im allowed to say whatever the fuuuuccckk i want. so shutup and listen.

one of my friends (who shall remain nameless cause it would look really bad on him) showed me this HILLARIOUS page on facebook called "I hate islam" with all these really funny pictures making fun of like islamic people and some were of christians and some were of jews. I laughed.. don't sue me for laughing, cause im pretty sure its legal to laugh at something funny.

what i honestly think is hillarious, is how people go so far just to insult someone else, and how it works. like im not about to say the N word or anything, but like people take ANYTHING as an insult. thats why i think religion is fucked up, because really, all it is is like a bunch of clubs, and you can join some, and you cant join others, and theres rules in every club. its stupid.

and its like people have to do absolutely nothing just to insult someone else. like if i wrote I HATE BLACK PEOPLE AND MUSLIMS THEY SHOULD ALL DIE, im going to be like shot for it. and honestly, why are people taking such offence. i mean who the fuck cares?

from an early point in our lives, we are taught not to care about what other people say, and then they get all insulted about so and so making fun of them. i mean honestly, it really doesnt matter. when someone makes fun of you, its just words, and its just ONE person, who probably means nothing to you anyways. 

honestly, wars and all that are so pointless. like i dont want to sound like a weirdo peace freak, but everything is basically pointless. all negative aspects, even the positive ones too. we all live, and we all die, and thats what basically happens. some people remember you well, some people dont remember you at all, and some people are glad you're gone. what should really matter is that you're happy with yourself when you're lying on your death bed.

I dont want to die with the sense that i spend all of high school crying over a group of fucking dilholes who treated me like shit. i wanna die knowing that i dont give a shit, and that i got over it because i proved those people wrong.

I guess its that all these races and all these people living in this world have to just like shut up. and if they dont, take their insults as a challenge. They call you a loser? prove to them your not a loser. Im not a loser cause i have friends, i am a loser cause i dont have many friends, but i can fix that if i tried. They call you a whore? prove to them your not. or, just dont let anyt of that shit bother you. realize that theres so much better in the world then the big fucking losers you have to deal with everyday.

ok im done.
enjoy your day
and fucking smile for once. frowns are ugly as ballllllllssssssssssssss

JUS

diary of a chubby

feels like forever since i last posted. what is it, a month and ten pounds ago? i made that joke on purpose
so ive gained a mass of weight and im getting instructions from a black man online how to lose it. its not going to well but i mean, hey, im trying and i guess thats what counts.
i basically have either michael jackson the experience (which i havnt used since i was dumped, i dont know why), just dance 2 & 3 (which im not half bad at, but its weird thinking of myself dancing in my basement on my own), wii fit (which acts like it helps but really doesn't), and a black man on the internet. So theres my life right now, and im always hungry because healthy foods are never good enough for a woman who likes eating a LOT!
anyways, ive really been thinking about it, and to save the embarrassment of certain people who i love i wont say their names. I really do need to lose a couple pounds here and there, but i think apart from that, im kinda not that bad. I wont say im fat, because ive seen fat people and i would NEVER let myself get to that because its just like scary to think about (nothing against larger people you guys are awesome unless your assholes) and the truth is, im not fat, im not all that chubby either... i know im getting there, but its not THAT bad like lets all calm down.
and i think the main reason why people are so obsessed with being perfect looking is to impress other people. i spend all morning doing my hair and choosing clothes even if i pretend i dont, to impress certain people, and we all do, even if we say we dont. when you choose clothes in the morning, if you were one of the rare people in the world who really didnt want to impress anyone, you would not worry about your clothes matching, or if your tummy hangs out or if something is ten sizes too big on you, you just wanna be comfy. I wish i was like that, but the reality is nobody is like that. But really, the reason why everyone does that is to impress other people.
i think that impressing people is so stupid, because unless they are dumb (most people today actually) they wont give a shit about what your wearing and even if you look mad hot and have nice titties, if your an idiot and have a bad personality, you wont be going too far. What people should start working on is their personalities rather than how they dress & look.
so heres the deal, i want to lose weight. at first, i was being basically forced to, and i really didnt want to. and the ore i gained, and the more my friends told me i didnt need to lose weight, i kept eating, and gaining, and eating, and gaining. Finally i realized none of my jeans fit, and my shirts had a big ol tummy sticking out of it. I've never been so embarrassed to realize when i was trying to pick out nice clothes to impress everyone, that I had no clothes that fit. i really didnt fit into anything i owned and it was terrible.right now, im losing, or trying to at least , weight for myself. i want to feel like my old self again, and i think that i feel better about excersizing and looking good when i know its for myself and not for anyone else.
basically i feel like if i didnt want to be skinnier, i wouldnt be. i think people have to stop impressing others with their looks, because if your looks and your clothes are all you have going for you, sure, for now you'll get all the ladies/guys that you want, and you can be all sexy and whatever you want, but as you get older you'll realize that people want to marry and hire and be around other people who have personaliy, who are at least a little bit intelligent, and as you get older, if looks matter to you, then you probably wont have as many friends as you used to in high school.

this is written for not only my own pleasure of writing, but as a thanks to all the people who are my friend because of who i am on the inside, and for accepting me, even when nobody else did. <3 love you guys.

sincerely, JUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

The Concentration Bug

Hey guys,
I know I just posted, but I wrote something special, and I wanted to make sure I put it on here.
The following poem is dedicated to anyone with any kind of mental illness. I have adhd and I'm a published writer, and in cejep.. I never let my issues define who I am, and I hope the same to all of you. It only makes us special that we have a little more jump, or a little issue with cleanliness, or that we cant concentrate, even that we cant speak or walk or think properly. this is for all of you.

The Concentration Bug

I was so young,

How would I know,

That there are many places,

My mind could go.

It travelled fast,

Exploring places,

Making up little scenes,

Making names and faces.

Paying no attention,

While I'm in class,

My focus would travel,

With it's boarding pass.

I could fly to the moon,

But I couldn't hear,

My teacher was talking,

Right into my ear.

From day to day,

From desk to desk,

The teachers would talk,

I'd appear statuesque.

Oh the places I went,

Because school was so boring,

The Professors would talk,

And I would be snoring.

So I didn't concentrate,

It was quite some trouble,

Learning isn't easy,

When your head's in a bubble.

They said pills would help,

Medication and all,

They helped my mind out,

My distractions in a ball.

Upping up dosage,

Was just what I need,

My teachers were happy,

My parents agreed.

I did what I was told,

Didn't argue or yell,

I didn't understand why,

But nobody would tell.

And then when kids said,

I'm stupid and dumb,

I said “its just a pill,

Doesn't change what I become”.

They laughed and they laughed,

Then I finally understood,

The word “special” isn't nice,

It means retarded and no good.

I was so young,

How would I know,

That I had ADHD,

And it'll never go.

im not even hungry

happy yom kippur.
im not allowed eating so that god will forgive me for all the sins i did last year and then put me on the "dont kill this year" list. cause thats whatsup in the jewish religion.
im really bored and home and just watched like a bunch of jersey shore and the office and really, i need a nice massage and junk, but of course, i dont get one cause im me.

so steve jobs is dead. that sucks for apple. i never really was an apple fan, besides their ipods and juice (GET IT APPLE JUICE I MADE A JOKE BAH). but seriously, i think everyone is taking this way too heavily. i mean yea, its sad cause death isnt usually a happy event unless its someone totally shitty, but like everyone has to calm down because i can bet all these people who are panicing, and dont know him, really arent that sad. i mean you didnt know the guy personally so its sad but like dont cry and be all pissed and shit. its really not that HUGE of a deal.

well yea, its kinda a big deal because a co-founder of apple died.
yea, i bolded the "co" in co-founder. because if there has to be a "co" (cooperation or whatever.. i was just guessing) infront of the "founder" then CLEARLY he didnt do this all on his own.
i mean theres another guy who made this shit. i dont know his name, but i didnt know steve jobs name either until everyone was flippin out about him being dead and all.
so clearly to everyone, if one of the guys who started apple is dead, than the company itself can't run and wil reduce to nothingness right?
dude, it wasnt just two guys sitting in a room fabricating the millions of apple products sold today. there were probably thousands and thousands of people working on this project, so just cause one died, doesnt mean the whole thing is ruined. and why dont they make this kind of a deal when anyone else dies? i mean if someone owned a company and they passed, none of their customers (unless they were close with them) would have a damn clue cause heres the truth. steve jobs never stood out there in an apple store and sold someone an ipod. they didnt stand there and do it. id bet until he was sick, nobody really knew the name of the guy who made apple. only the really smart people and the ones who watch the news and actually look this shit up. id bet all parents knew his name (NO OFFENCE) but half the people who own apple product probably didnt.

to me, apple isnt going to reduce sales, or become like hell just cause one guy passed away. first of all, theres another guy, second of all, if there wasnt, there would still be a bajillion other people who are totally qualified and know a ton of computer shit. third of all, there are so many workers and junk that reducing sales and closing shit down would kill SO MANY FRIGGEN JOBS.

so there we have it. i talked about nonsense. and if you dissagree with me im not going to be all like WELL UR WRONG GUY, everyone has their own opinion. but seriously, i think mine makes a bit of sense... just saying. not saying im right, but im just saying i feel good about my arguments.

ok ok ok bye

your "love" makes me wanna stab people

im about to be a huge hypoctite cause ive totally done this before, but i guess my mind set has changed so don't judge me. (or do, i really couldnt care)
so there are couples out there, and i know a ton of em, and i used to be one of them, who take pictures together. now, thats super adorable cause couples are cute and all. BUUUUTTTT, i've been having an issue with people who take albums and albums of photos together, and post them on facebook.
lemme tell you this, nobody cares that you guys take a hundred pictures together. it really gets to me because of the meaning behind doing this.
when i used to take pictures with the ex, i wanted to look good and him to look good and us to look adorable and to post them on facebook, but for what reason really?
COUPLES POST HUNDREDS OF PICTURES TO PROVE & SHOW PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE IN WHAT THEY THINK IS "LOVE".
a real couple, besides marriage cause thats a whole different ball game, dont need to take pictures, to prove their love. if two people are dating, i could have guess that they kiss, and theyre cute together or whatever, i dont need to see it. and it isnt romantic because its like you're posing for other people. once in a while, taking a cute picture with your man is okay, but litterally sitting there for an hour, posing infront of a webcam, doesnt make you guys more in love than the couple who doesnt take pictures. plus, when i see a hundred pictures of you guys kissing, it makes the value of a kiss go so down, because those things are kind of personal, and although nice to see, i dont need everyone to see that i kiss a guy. if im dating a guy, im probably kissing him. its like if you post pictures of you having sex with your boyfriend. i know you guys have sex, and i know you guys kiss, so i dont need to see that on my news feed.

i think the most valuable photos are ones that aren't taken often, or the one that i have on my phone, but i DIDNT post on facebook.
i understand people might get offended by this cause like thats all they do, but next time your about to take a hundred pictures with your "other", ask yourself really WHY are you taking pictures. i know its fun, but honestly its a waste of time. a picture should be capturing a moment, not just a random time you wanna look like a badass kissing someone. im getting tired of people bragging about their love life, and its not cause i was dumped, its cause quite frankly im happy for you that your in a relationship but i really dont give a shit about the rest.
so shut up, and instead of focusing on the outside of your relationship and how u wanna look to other people, how about you focus on how u feel about your other person.

i went there.
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

in school blogger

today is my first in school blog,
not that this will become a regular thing, but I've never written a blog inside the school so its pretty fun.
I had a cancelled class today so im here until 1:00 with nothing to do, well actually until like 12:15 cause thats when im meeting with max.
ANYWHOOOOO, im in the stewart hall lounge and im listening in on other peoples conversations as usual because i have nothing better to do with my life. i should be reading, studying for tests or whatever, or even working on my assignments. but 1. i cant work on a certain assignment cause its too personal, and 2. im wayyyyyy too lazy and bored. I'm asking around for a topic to write about (im asking my friends not random people i see don't worry) but nothing seems to be comming up. I know im a creative mind, but i wish i had the creativity to come up with something so fast.

actually, I want to tell my two readers about whats new in my life. I have a job! i know right? its swell. but like, its actually a kind of cool job. Its on most thursdays (since i have no school thursday) and its at a Hebrew elementary school. basically what i have to do is edit a newspaper. Im almost a teacher for a group of like maybe 11 or 12 kids, and theyre going to be writing articles and all that, and We're going to make it into a newspaper. I have four thursdays left to get this all worked out which i think is totally enough.

so the kids i have are absolutely adorable. in grade five or six, and they seem really into the idea of writing in a newspaper / making one themselves. especially considering that they were chosen "specially" to be writers of said newspaper. I'm really excited to work with kids who love to write because I know that I love it as well and the idea of kids learning from me is just too much fun to think about.

I'm hoping to really make a connection to these kids because honestly I find them to be so much smarter than the people that surround me every day. the minds of simple children are what we need in the world. the fact that so easily kids can go from fighting to friends, and their issues are so small and unharmful make me jealous that I'm busy dealing with the bullshit of "teenage drama". At their age its "He stole my marker", at this age its "He stole my drugs and is sleeping with my girlfriend and is bringing a gun to school" (totally made up btw that's never happened) and i find it really sad that we can't just go back to being simple children who dont have to deal with puberty and dick size and boob size and boyfriends and drugs.

unfortunately though, little by little, the filth of our generation is being passed down younger and younger. Now, its 16 and pregnant, soon itll be 13 and pregnant (if thats even possible). its just sad that people younger than me have more sexual and drug experience than I do. Not to say I want these experiences, but I remember when I was in grade 7 I didn't know what weed even was, and I was getting ready to give my first PECK on the lips. now in grade seven people are high in class and having sex. That scares the shit out of me, because when I have kids, by the time their in kindergarden theyre going to be dealing pot and sleeping around. (not really)

so theres my flip out of the day, ill write again soon on the progress of the newspaper.
from the stewie hall lounge, im justine frankel, its 10:58 and im tired as a mofo.
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

i need more friends

Im sitting here in my bed, 9:26 PM, Saturday night.
I have just taken a shower and im in my sweats and an ugly shirt, and theres that whole towel business on my head. I realized, I'm home alone, and that i clearly am the coolest person on this planet for being in this situation at 9:27 on a saturday night.

I have friends, i guess... 85 on facebook, at least five or six is family, one is my camp boss, and i mean, its nothing special of a friends list. Its people i talk to, people who i want to see my updates or new shit thats happening. But im having a real issue with the "class friends" and the "chill with them on break" friends and the "my parents know their faces and names" friends.

class friends are those people who i talk to in class, sit next to, share a friendship with in class, because i really have nobody else to talk to so i just meet and talk and gossip or whatever in class. if were talking class friends, i've won the jackpot of people.
chill with them on break friends are the ones who i would hangout with in school, get to know well enough that we share a break and i hang with them during said break. you know the friendly type who you tell about your 'new boyfriend who goes to another school', but you know they'll never meet the new boyf cause you only see them in school
then, my favorite, and what im lacking is the "my parents know their faces and names" friends. now obviously, not all my good friends my parents know on a first name face basis, but like these are the people ill text to chill on weekends with, at nights with, and like know them well. i can grab them for serious advice, we write on eachothers walls without it being awkward and we actually talk a lot more than we should.

I'm missing good friends, because nobody at age 17 should be alone on a friggen saturday night. and my whole family is out, i mean does nobody see the sadness in the fact that i am alone, while my parents who have more facebook friends (by choice) go out? i wanna go the fuck out!

so i guess this is less of a "im going to complain or notice something and rant about it" blog. its more of a "i really wish i knew what to do" blog. because honestly, i meet so many new people, yet i have no clue how to make FRIENDS.. its like a disease or something.. and i wish i knew, because i love seeing different people. and i hate having to depend on the same people, hoping they're free so that i can actually have something to do on the weekend. you know, they have lives, and other friends they wanna see, so they wouldnt just see me every weekend right? exactly.

all in all, i need to make more friends, but like cool ones, nobody creepy.. i dont like creeps. :)
i complain cause im a lonerr raaaaaaaaaaahh...
joking im pretty good.
say hi to your mom for me,
JUS

its good to be good, but its better to sometimes be bad.

okay so im going to admit right now for being a bad person, its SIN CONFESSION time.
so, I've cheated, and felt really shitty for it.
I've lied, and felt a little less shitty, depends on who I lied to, but we all do it so dont judge me or ill judge you right back bumfaces.
I've stolen, from like my family, and the bookfairs in elementary, cause funky pencils and pretty erasers arent worth 5$ each.
I've talked behind peoples back, dont pretend you dont do it, your probably talking behind my back right now.
I've been a shitty friend at times, a shitty daughter, a shitty sister, and just like.. a bad person.
I think that I'm trying to get at a point that.. ive done bad things, but like really, everyone has too.
I think its time for everyone to cut the bullshit and stop pretending that they're angels and do nothing wrong. I'm sure ive made like ten people angry today, guaranteed. Yes, there are times where i can be totally adorably angelic, but its rare, because 1. im a woman and we get easily angered, and 2. im way too mean to be an angel. I think that every angel is a devil, but every devil is an angel.

I don't believe in fully GOOD or BAD people. because that doesnt make any sence. everyone does bad things, and it makes me angry when you think that people can't change, or like if theyre bad, theyre bad forever. if people who are good can become bad, which totally happens like a billion trillion times a day, then bad people can become good. I think what this is really about, is the decency and respect that people have fr other people.

I know, im really jumping around topics, but im talking about good and bad people. but everyone has to have some basic respect among them. for example, i hated high school (but you all know that cause i complained about it DAIIILLYYYYY in blogworld), and obviously it was because of the people there. i still see those people, how i still see them, i dont understand considering i go to a school with 6000 people and still see the same a holes that i was excited NOT to see, but the point is, they finally grew the hell up and although i think they are TERRIBLE people for what they did, and they still probably talk shit, i really couldnt care, but they dont give me dirty looks or yell things at me or push me around now, because they finally learnt some respect. you dont have to like me, but dont say shit right in my face.
That is decency, that is respect, and i think that some people (not going to name names but you know who you are) are just not decent or respectful.

but to the people who are, thats who wins in the end. im not dwelling on the past of being made fun of or whatever these bad people did, im realizing that bad people can actually become good people.. but good guys, can become bad guys, and when they decide to become bad, they just look like idiots, cause theyre being rude and "bad" to someone whos good, which is totally stupid and not worth yours, or my time.

from the bed of a maasai warrior post circumsizion in brocks class (i wrote that for max, my loyal blog follower) , this is justine frankel , pissin blood. PEACE.

i tried out "PEACE" and it didnt work.

byebye

im a nympho and i adore sex.

the title is eye catching isnt it.
well, i put it there so you could pay some attention for once you pervs. joking. im in a mood and a half today. but what i wanted to write about way actually what i attempted to do with this title thing, get someones attention. well not someones, but whoever is reading this. Id bet you read the title and though this would be about sex. well thats where you were wrong, the title has nothing to do with the substance.
yea, i pulled the im-teaching-you-a-lesson card.
theres so many things that fly through my mind when i think of what i did. let me explain them all beautifly before i try to stay awake all night cause i dont think ill be able to wake up in 5 and a half hours if i go to sleep now; plus i have a bit of homework, shame on me for doing this before homework. learn from my mistakes.
Okay so, the first thing i really wanted to portray was that people are all about the first thing they see about a person, and then they'll continue looking. "dont judge a book by its cover" is basically what im saying. just because the title has sex in it, doesnt mean im going to talk about the glorious act of lovemaking. just cause you see someone in one way, doesnt mean thats who or what they are. its annoying to know that you have to be a certain way for someone to get to know you.
I know for a fact, that when I dress the way I feel like it, and i mean like the way lazy justine wants to dress, and i go out, not one person looks or talks to me, but when i dress the way i should dress, which is actually usually the right thing to do, but ill be honest i like to add in a lil extra sum sum as a crowd pleaser (omg im kidding im not a whore), but yea when i dress nice, i get looks, and sometimes someone will approach me.
Its like the first day of school, everyone at abbott wore their greatest outfits and you could tell they looked confident and good about themselves and like they can "rule the world" or whatever, but give it a while, they wont try so hard cause its school, not downtown.

thing number two is something im guna regret saying i think.
its about the title itself, and what the substance is, and how i can bet it caught at least 1 out of the two people who ever read my blog ;)
so im in a radio class and we gotta ask the "public of john abbott" about a question and they gotta give a good answer.. nd btw, i WILL be on the radio, ill write it on my facebook or something when its going to be.
but anyways, me and my two fellow male groupmembers had to come up with an idea of a question that is interesting enough that people wont fall asleep listening to the answers. so of course, we chose sex as our topic. our question was : Personally, is it important for you to be or not to be a virgin and why?
now, you would assume right away that people made jokes out of the answers, but besides one guy who litterally said "i dont go to a club to find a virgin, i go there to find the dirtiest whore there is", nobody was all stupid and immature about it. unfortunately, we didnt get a ton of truth, cause people are too embarrassed to say how they feel "it doesnt matter" was a big one.
but a few people said it, one guy said "i dont care if shes a virgin, but im not right now, and i cant be a virgin, ive been wanting to lose it since i was 16 so i cant be a virgin".
honestly, sex is effin exhileratingly great, and its fun to do and u can try different things and theres so many things that go along with it, but im tired of it being the most important thing on peoples minds. id bet if my blog was called "the sex diaries" it would have many more readers than now. its that people these days just all wanna know so much about sex, they all wanna have it, and its like drugs to them. when i post this on facebook , im posting it as "i wrote about sum sexy" and see how many more people actually visit. im sure after the first few lines, they'll stop, but i mean i wanna know the visit count after that post.
all people care about is something sexy and hot. im done with it, i wanna be cute and funny and fun to be with. i mean duh i wanna be sexy and hot, but not all the time.  im done with people only thinking someone else is interesting because of something sexual. im done with people wanting to know about what i want and who ive done and all that shit . if i wanna tell you i will, but i gotta be close with you.

so thats me, ranting about lifes stupidities and difficulties, and im tired as balls so im not going to edit and reread before i publish. hopefully this isnt as bad as i feel like it is right now.
goodnight bizznatches,

ps: im in love.

what a feeling

so cejep is good, i made friends and kept my old friends, and im happy. tell me thats possible right?
i usually get on here to complain or to explain something ive learnt, which knowing me, this will turn into that kind of thing, but i dont know about much right now. i think that i just want to write more, i wanna make sure ive still got some unwritten words that i wanna put down on paper.
i think that whats really going through my mind is the word love. im not guna go all crazy and talk about the emotion and all that, but i think im purely thinking about when people say it.
like a guy i know said he refuses to say it first, even if he feels it, cause of course hes scared. i also know girls who dont want to say it first cause theyre scared.
i really think that if u feel it, you should say it. if they get all weirded out, then maybe they arent right for you. i think that if someone says they love me and dont love them back yet (relationship wise) then u tell them u really like them but ur not ready for that yet. if someone really likes you, they wont judge you for saying the big L word.. i think what every person wants is to not be scared anymore to say those things.
personally, i applaude (sp?) anyone who says it, because they are putting thenselves out there, and if the other person gets all dickish about it, its cause they arent meant to be. i mean whats loving someone if they dont love you back? its easy to let go of them if you reallllyyy think about it.
if they dont love you back, than the emotions u feel are just pointless, because clearly its not mutual.
so fall in love so that u can say it.
<3

i know this was a short one, but its still there :) goodnight and goodbye

the time has come

so, the time has come to publicly announce being single. see, i didnt wanna put it at first, cause i had some hope that maybe it wasnt really over, and it was just a bit of a break cuz he wasnt sure of what he wanted. but i gotta say, its looking pretty official. and you know, ive got to learn to respect that because its what he wanted.
i think i also waited to write something cause i know myself, and i knew i would go on a rant about how hes an ass and a douche and wasnt good at kissing or whatever (he was great btw). i knew i would find every excuse in the book to prove i was better than him, and why he was a bad guy, or whatever his flaws were, or whatever he did wrong to me.
could you imagine if i did that? it wouldnt make me any better than him; sure, he made me feel like shit for breaking up with me, but really, hes allowed to, if he doesnt feel a certain way, why does he have to continue with that, just to make me happy? im glad that he did what he had to do, allthough im sad that he had to do it.
honestly, i had an amazing relationship with him. a week less than a year, and hes changed me as a person. i stopped doing things i didnt want to do anymore, i stopped being such a bad person, i started to appretiate the little things more. i even did better in school, to try and impress him cause he is so smart. also, he made me want to love, he made me want to give my love away so that i can feel a bond with a person ive never experienced.
ill explain how he helped me love. i never trusted guys that much, (no offence guys), because ive been used quite a bit in the past. so especially when i met this amazing guy whos goodlooking and nice and tall, i was right away attracted to him, and i knew that he could get a ton of girls, and through a bit of our relationship, i was scared to say "i love you" and scared to show my love because if i gave it away, its so easy to break me. he just helped me break out of that, and give my love away, and he didnt break me, even when he broke up with me, he didnt break me, he did it because it was his decision, but he deffinately didnt break me, because he did it in a way that let me down easy, and he said he felt bad and it didnt feel good to hurt me. maybe im just naive, but i have a strange feeling hes telling the truth.
i guess what i really wanted to do was not to kid myself really and pretend its not effecting me. im putting on a strong face, and unless you really know me, you wouldnt be able to tell i was even sad. but yes, it really really hurt, because i was sure things were just getting started with us, but you know, maybe this was good for me, and good for him. i have to respect his decision. i tried to fight for it, tried to fix things, but in the end it was up to him, and he decided he wanted out, and if i went around moping about it, i would just look stupid and pathetic. im going to continue my life as it was, though i do still love him.
thanks for reading, and if he ever did read this, thank you ex boyfriend, for the most amazing year of my entire life, through all the crap of highschool, and all the stupidness of the summer, you were there for me through it all, and one day, it would be nice to be friends again. i hope you accomplish whatever it is you want in life, and i wish you unconditional luck for the future. you are a great guy.

if you love something, set it free; if it comes back, its yours, if it doesnt, it never was.

allnighterbaby

what time is it? 2:58 am,
what am i doing? loafing in bed, watching "walk hard". what a great movie.
not the point though. the point is, why the fuck am i still awake? and why is my tummy makin noisessss? ouuuff its painful.

anyways, i had a dream because i fell asleep for like twenty minutes, but i wanted to tell my dream because it was weird..
so i was on a hill, and i was walking up this hill, and there were frogs everywhere, and one of them was really following me; it was talking to me in some gibberish, but i coulda sworn that it was scared or warning me. so i tuned back, but the hill was gone and i went falling for what felt like hours, then i landed on a bed of pillows and this frog was back but now speaking english, and it said: "be careful of what comes, your in danger of a knife in your throat."

then i woke up.. its freaking me out i gotta say.. so i needed to write that down and document it.
goodnight, if i fall asleep. xo

home again

wow. camp, the two month jewish prison of fun and games is over. you know, i always loved this camp of mine, and i always had fun as a camper, but i realized how muhc i LOVED being a staff this year. Honestly, the responsibilities and the independance is just amazing.

but more importantly, the new gameplan of this camp was cnfusing, for everyone. the new rules were loved, hated, rebelled, and just plain random, but of course, they are rules, and we must follow them.
Id like to congradulate myself on an amazing summer of NOT getting fired. after getting an ED (extra duty) and a warning, after getting caught doing bad things one after the other, getting fired was what should have happened, but lucky me, it wasnt.

funny how excited about coming home and not being there anymore, and my first day back i did a total of BARELY ANYTHING. im sitting here, straightener heated up to 230 so i can make myself gorgeous, and wondering what im going to do today, what am i going to do tomorrow? im bored of being home allready.

then, i think of the people who came to camp from other places, whether it be far away in canada, the US, europe or even further; what do they do when they get home? two whole months of being away from your sanctuary, how do they react? im sure they get all nervous and excited, excited to see their families and friends, but sad to leave a place they spent so long. will they remember this summer as a waste of time, or as a second-new home to come back to? thats what i sit and wonder while alone in my extremely comfy bed, with all my teddybears.

how do i unpack after such a long summer? peice by peice, day by day, i put clothes away and realize that this isnt just a day off from camp, its a whole year off from camp, and onto school i go.

thanks for the most amazing, crazy, drama filled (because im drama staff), fun, annoying, angry, funny summer of my entire life. you know who you are to al the people i care about, you helped change my life just a little bit more :)

complainer mc complainy pants ;)

so, i havnt gotten much time to write cause i been so busy being the boomest drama staff, and makin a new, amazing friend (yes thats you seb, you got a lil shoutout) and ya. so speaking of new friend seb, he told me that i complain too much here, and he has a point, besides now because i dont have much time, i always post about bad shit, so i wanna start talking about good things too, like how i roasted marshmellows for my first time last weekend, and i survived camping without getting eaten by a bear.

i think the biggest thing that i wanted to talk about was actuall camp, because im fortubate enough to reach my two goals :)
1. have a camper have a staff crush on me
2. make a campers summer
well of course the first one was reached ;) jkjk but to be quite honest, if a kid comes to you and thanks you and says that you made their summer, thats too much to ask for, thats just the thing i want to accomplish in life, but bigger. i want to change someone around, make a frown into a smile, but make it for something important. well i got that chance when a girl that was thirteen came to me with an issue that was something i went through, the bisexual stage is a weird and scary one, cause your really confused and scared, but i was lucky enough for a camper to come to me with her issue and how shes scared to tell her friends and family, and shes sure she is. i sat with her, told her my experiences and we really had a great conversation, and i really felt like i helped someone out. i dont wanna say i changed their life, nor do i wanna say i did any help because i have no idea if i did or not, but i know something got to her. getting through to someone so young going through something so scary, thats special.
this is why i came to camp. deffs not for the 600 pay im getting for the whole summer (killmepls), not for the sleeping or eating conditions, not for the disgusting bathrooms or showers. i came here to make a kids summer amazing, and i felt lile i did that.
so here is me, not complaining. life, is really good right now, and im happy that things are going well. i can successfully put a smile on my face. the only sad thing is camp is ending, and i gotta say goodbye to a friend im not ready to say goodbye to.

from the mouth of the lion, from the woman in charge, and the village idiot. hope u read hearty.

oh shoot mobileeeeeeee

lets see if this works.
so whattup bloggers. this one will deffs take long cause im in camp so bear with me if i have spelling mistakes or weird junk going on. basically im serving today but thats not the point. im a staff in drama and some kids are really grinding my gears. tell me why you sign up to do drama, and then you sit there and dont want to participate. for someone who loves drama to its full extent (me) its frustrating and its hurtful when a little kid like you walks in and says 'drama is gaaaay'... well why did you sign up if its so 'gay' and stupid? there are other kids here who love it and are into it and participating and having fun, but your just sitting there on the side making our jobs as staff harder because now we have to entertain your stupid ass who signed up for something you wont even try to do. i know its not easy having to do activities all day and its hot outside and youre tired and hungry.. i was a camper once too you know, but i mean its not only about you sitting around that angers us, i mean have fun do whatever you want. but its actually hurtful that we try so hard to make a fun activity and plan out a whole day to find that none of you want to take part in it. its really just plain hurtful to us.

onto the next issue of venting.
i get paid; granted its a really low and shitty pay, its still money. i get paid to do a job. i was hired to be a drama staff (i get that u needed help serving thats no biggie) but i am NOT a camper. campers dont get paid, campers dont have nights out and days off. campers dont come to precamp and have responsibilities. people have to stop babying us and treating us like campers, because we really arent.. chances are we as a unit (granted others are immature ass holes that im not going to talk about because then ill just get mad) are waaayyy more mature than some of the staff up to five years older than us. i can guarantee you that i am more responsible and mature abd prepared than half the staff at this place. so please when you make an announcement, say 'all staff' dobt say 'all staff and jcs' cause, we are staff.

thats all for now.. oh wait
TONIGHT IM ON DAY OFFFFFFFF!
write back soon bizz.
jus

prom night numero dos

i feel like i tell you guys too much, yet not enough. i mean, the shit i say over the internet is probably TMI, but you know, i never really cared that much. so i guess im more writing this for my mom, and all the people who care about me (and they worry) and yes, i DO want to write it in public, so its something "formal", and there are probably more witnesses.
let me start off with a little story. its about a girl named justine who used to smoke way more than she should have. and the people who loved her worried, and however it got there, my mom (luv yah mummaaaa) found out about it while i was away in europe. the obvious "big talk" and "grounded" were bound to happen, and i accepted that well because i knew it was the legitly fair punishment, even though it kinda sucked. after long talks with my two great friends and my boy, i decided to stop doing it, because i dont need to ruin perfectly good relationships with the people I care about, on account of a few hours of being high.
heres where it gets interesting. (all names will be left out because it's not fair to them) im invited to a party on victoria day weekend, and i BEGGGGGGGG my mom to let me go "I WONT DRINK, [person's name here] WONT DRINK I PROMISE" and all that. and maybe it was because my mum was excersizing and on the phone and watching tv that changed her mind, but she put her trust in me and let me go to said "party". Almost a full bottle of Captain Morgan and two beers later, i was way past the "i wont drink" phase, and everyone else was also drinking, so nobody realized i had drank a little too much..
you know the expression "praying to the porceline god" ? well people, i became religious to toilettes, plastic bags, myself, and large bowls that night, and the next two days weren't a walk in the park either. basically, i hit the limit of no return.. and that scared the people who cared.

now, i know im saying it now "ill never drink again" but i'm bound to do so one day. i think i basically needed to write this so i can embarrass myself infront of the internet, tell everyone about that night that i will NEVER forget. honestly, drinking can be fun, but only when its responsible drinking. lol i'm a parent ARE YOU PROUD MOMMY!?

i wanted to write this out so i can have it with me forever, i mean thats why i wrote my blog in the first place. to prove to myself that all of my belifs, and everyone elses, can be changed if we look at it from different angles. you can say that justine shouldnt be trusted at afterprom look what she did last time she was trusted ahhhhh shes an alchoholic or you can say she learnt her lesson after the shit she went through (i swear to god it was TERRIBLE) and you can even say she spent nineteen days in europe, and was a responsible kid. she didnt get grounded or crazy drunk or do anything stupid for that matter. thats why i write, to change the angle of things, because there are so many positive and negative ways to look at a situation, and ive always been the "glass half full" kinda girl, so i try to learn from it. and i did learn from it I can tell you that.

i guess this is really, mostly for my mom. shes really worried about me and alex, and i want to reasure her that im still her baby girl, but i am growing up, learning from my great and shitty experiences. i once heard a quote "when things don't go your way and you fail, its called an experience". I know you're putting all of your trust in me and alex tonight, and i promise to you, in writing, in PUBLIC, that i wont let you down.
Mum, thanks for believing in me tonight, and for taking care of me all these years.

now, i would continue, but i gotta get ready for WIC prom, so with all the love in the world to everyone i care about and everyone who cares about me; i vow to make you proud and be the best me i can be :)
from the comfy bed itself, all full of makeup and junk,
love, squishes, and big wet kisses,
jus

freedom

FREEEEEDDDOOOOOOMMMMMM..
not rly actually. i was flipping shit that im free and im done high school, and then i realized, sitting in my living room, watching the MMVA's and on my comp, that im actually alone, doing three technologies and being extremely unsocial. dude, im leaving to camp on sunday... and i wont be free then either. dude im ALONE right now, like fml you know? im done school, and im celebrating by being alone. no drinking (not that i even want to) and no partying (not that i was even invited) and nothing. is this freedom? being alone and sitting around? cause then, freedom is super crummy.

well, thats basically it. im not sure when ill be posting next, because of camp. but ill try.
BYEEEEEEEE

prom prom prom

so anyways, prom happened. and i have to appologize to the world.
it was honestly such a special night and i told everyone it would suck so ya i lied a little.
the thing is, when i went last year, i barely knew anyone, and it was just like BLEHHHH.
and what made my prom special was the people i spent it with, and i gotta say, these people are amazing.
i gotta shoutout my two best boys , alex's. because honestly that was the upbeat of my prom.
alex, you are the greatest boyfriend evaah, and as lame as getting all dressed up is, you made me feel really pretty and happy. we rocked riverdale i swear.
BEANY <3, not only wil i cherish the moments we walked in the "drizzle" outside together, but you will always be my number one, and you're honestly the most amazing friend a girl could ever want. we sat under that gazebo and i realized that this friendship isnt allowed ending because i love you wayyy to much to end it.

but prom is super gay i gotta say.
i mean its fun seeing everyone dress up, all the girls with the highest heels and then taking them off to dance cause that shit hurt (it was BAD). and just making fun of everyone because its too funny to see everyone like this, when your so used to the whole riverdale uniform.
the reason prom was special and "magical" was because of one moment. not even my own moment, just a moment in time where i realized just about how much goes on behind the scenes. behind the mountains of makeup and the expensive wear, behind the shit talking and the laughter and all the craziness that happens.. theres a love story, there is always a stupid love story.

i sat under that gazebo with alex , and we see two people talking (i wont name them, because im sure they were far away from everyone for a reason), and we turn around at one point, and they're dancing. two of the most random people that you would never expect, are up there dancing to no music. they're just dancing, and holding eachother.. and that my friends, thats your super cheesy, prince charming, totally movie style "magical" prom night. although this wasn't my "magic", i still felt it, and couldnt help but smile, because i knew that someone in my grade's night was made, just by those couple of minutes she spent dancing with this one guy, that clearly meant a lot to her.

and that is the magic of prom. yes, its superficial and totally pointless, but extremely magical and full of life.

love, jus's soft side.

-oh and if you were wondering, heres my magic moment: