how to make it under the radar, or over it.

i've noticed that a lot of people know who i am.
i mean, this isnt me saying im popular or anything, but from elementary, five thousand different camps, high school, out of school programs, now cejep, through friends of friends, family.. i mean things get around.
i always wished nobody knew me, because the shit thats been said about me is insane, its almost like people know me by my name, but nothing else.
ive always been told that no matter good or bad, if people are talking about you, you're on their mind so you should feel all special and shit because they're taking their own time to think about you.
Boy, was i a sucker back then. I really believed that crap. Let me tell you, if their talking about you, and its bad, dont feel fucking special.
So, i wanted to write a few things, to remind myself, and anyone else who cares that sometimes being under the radar isnt THAT bad!
here are a few "rules" or "ways" to stay under the radar:
1. dont tell anyone anything. and i really mean that, because your friends might not be your friends forever, and they might be bitchy when you guys stop talking, which means your secrets are fucked.
2. dont draw negative attention to yourself. dont talk about bad shit that happened to you, or reasons for everyone to feel bad for you, because they will at first, than they'll either not give a shit, or use it against you.
3. never EVER get between two people. i made the mistake, so you might too. never ever tell people what other people are saying about them, because it will fuck you over in the end, for some reason the messenger gets fucked over more often than the people who actually started the shit talking in the first place.
and lastly, 4. dont lie. I know its a stupid one, but honestly, this one can RUIN your life. if you lie to one person and keep that lie with one person and that person ends up talking to people you know and brings it up, or brings it up infront of family or anything, you're known as a liar, or a whatever. if you're going to lie, at least lie to everyone so that this cant fuck you up, and tell everyone the same story..

see, in my opinion, this is how you stay normal, average, just on the line, and in the middle. The thing is, i wished i had taken my own advice there for previous parts of my life, because i would forsure not be in this situation if not.

BUUUTTT, considering i didn't do these things, and i can't really change the past, i decided i would make a group of other rules for people who are like me and fucked themselves over allready. how to make it OVER the radar, and still be happy.
1. shrug/ laugh it off. if it doesnt bother you, than its less likely to be the object of everyones conversations. if you let it bother you, people wont shut up about it
2. appologize. its the worst thing, but for when you've lied and get caught up in it, just say sorry. even if you don't get forgiven, at least you know you ended on saying sorry, and not just being a lying weirdo.
3. STAY over the radar. now that you allready are, if you try to stay under, everyone will think your suspicious or something. i mean if you're allready over the radar and everyone seems to know who you are, then own it and just say whatever. keep with who you are.
and lastly, 4. Continue to be careful about telling people things. i know that your supposed to stay over the radar and all, but you should always be careful what you say cause people totally suck sometimes, and your secrets are rarely safe.

I wish i was under the radar, but I'm happy to be over it. I mean, who gives a shit what people are saying about you if its untrue or if you don't even know them. Hey, shit happens to all of us, rumors spread and people are assholes sometimes. Im glad that people know who I am cause its one less step in introducing myself. PLUS, if people are going to judge me and think they know me before they even meet me, are they even worth knowing?

and so it is written,
JUS

and now im in a basement.

ive been thinking about what i wanted to do in my life.
forever, i knew it was teaching english, but for some reason, i feel like i wouldnt be a good teacher.
see, the sucky thing is, im not good with criticism. i try my best to take it well, but im overly sensitive, so ill always feel like im being made fun of, no matter what i do. so i basically just never ask for it. Being a teacher, id always get made fun of or kids would be disrespectful to me or whatever, and knowing me, id get all insulted and take it personal and like cry or something, cause im that type of person.
so basically, i wanna work on having a rougher exterior. i wanna take jokes well, i wanna not get insulted every time im left behind.. i think i can do that, any suggestions?
i really dont have much else to write about, so i should try to sleep or something.

ok bye people :)