a real friend

a real friend will read your blog post and then send you this:
(i am not putting the person's name for their sake)

"I think u have a great talent u have a really good way for words, I wish I could write like u cuz I usually just talk in circles but I think u should spend more time on focusing on everything u have accomplished cuz u have a lot u should be proud of, and just because some of the things u want to happen haven't happened yet doesn't mean they're never gonna happen it will happen if u really want it, and when I was 12 I thought that by now I would have my own fkn dinosaur what I mean is, when were younger we build things up tremedously in our heads and it'll take much more than we think so don't be so hard on urself cuz ur not the 12 year old justine anymore, growing up everyone changes, and u have a lot to be proud of"

and you know what? he's totally right. so i wanted to write this little blog post to post about all the things my twelve year old self would pat myself on the back for:

- for being published.... twice!

- for winning an 1000$ journalism scholarship!

- for actually getting through high school with all the shit and making it out

- for not being too scared to walk across that graduation stage and go "WOOOOO!!!" out loud

- for always staying true to myself

- for producing two newspapers with a class of grade six students

- for passing my first year of cegep

and the last thing that 12 year old me would be really proud of, and i am really lucky to have are a couple really really great friends, who read my posts without me asking them to, who are there for me who make me laugh and smile, i love you guys so much and you mean the world to me.

love always,

jus ,<3 div="div">

what would little me think?

today i was looking at myself in the mirror, thinking about this summer, thinking about my last year of high school and first year of cegep, thinking about my first job and my first real broken heart, and I asked myself the question "would twelve year old me be impressed with who i am today?" and i came up with an answer, and its NOOOOOOOOOO.

lets start off with the things i was hoping to accomplish by the time i turned eighteen that i didn't accomplish:
i had always promised myself that when i was 18 i'd already have written a book, I knew what it was going to be about and everything, and i wanted so desperately to have that done, and it didnt happen.
i had always promised myself that when i was 18 i'd have already moved out, obviously i was young and didn't realize that money is an issue and i wouldn't be able to afford it, so i didnt.
i had always promised myself that when i was 18 i'd have already gotten married. obvvviiioouuussslllyyy i didn't realize that 18 is a little young to get married and start having kids and junk, so that never happened.

now, lets go to the things i never wanted to do and that i ended up doing:
i had always promised myself that throughout my teenage years i would be the small percentage who never tried drugs or any kind of smoking, look at me now.
i had always promised myself that i wouldn't have lost my virginity before i dated a guy for two years, and we all know that it didn't happen.
i had always promised myself that i would never let a guy get away with treating me badly, and i've let countless guys treat me the way i didn't deserve to be treated.
i had always promised myself that i would never let my appearance change the way i feel about myself, unfortunately, that never happened and appearances almost defined me.
i had always promised myself that i would never hurt myself to change the way i look, and that happened too

to be honest, when i was twelve years old i didn't know how much i didn't know about everything, and i don't understand how i've learnt and lived and experienced so much in six years.

twelve year old me would look at me now and laugh, because when i was twelve, i was a girl who never cared what she looked like, wasn't afraid to scuff up her pants and wear black and blue, i wasn't concerned with what other people said about me and i knew how to have fun alone in the school yard because i didn't care if i had friends or not. when i was twelve i had dreams and hopes and faith, so much faith. i was confident and i was happy to be alive.

so maybe if i was the way i wanted to be i would be a positive confident girl who never smoked and never did anything bad, who would be already married living in my own place with a book written. a little high expectations don't you think?

but if i ended up the way i wanted to be id also have a tattoo of spongebob on my shoulder, i would live for back street boys, i would still have that stupid short hair jew fro thing i had going on before, id just be horrific to be honest.

you know what? now that im 18, i wished the twelve year old me was different, and the twelve year old me probably wishes the eighteen year old turned out differently, but the fact is i am the way i am, and i might as well accept it rather than dwell on the past. because maybe i can be that twelve year old again, the good parts though; not caring what people think, dressing however i want to dress, not being afraid to get a little dirty here and then, and to never be afraid of my feelings.

yes, the twelve year old me would look at me right now and be unimpressed, but then again, it doesn't matter what other people (or other versions of me in this case) think about me. doesn't matter if the twelve year old me is unimpressed,what matters the most is that the eighteen year old me looks in the mirror and is impressed.

thanks fo listening <3 p="p">love always,
eighteen year old justine.

for what its worth

so my friend is telling me about this new jacket he's getting for the winter.
the first thing that came to my head automatically was "don't you have one from last winter?" but it wasn't my place to be all cheap about the fact that he wants a new jacket, so i kept my mouth shut.
then he tells me about how its for free and all this great stuff about a god damned jacket that i couldn't give any less of a shit about, but then what really caught me was when he said "they're usually 600$"

let me tell you something about me. i spend money like there is no tomorrow. like the idea of saving 600 dollars to me is ridiculous because theres so much NOW that i can spend it on. but apart from that, i may spend my money irresponsibly but i would never spend it on something that i can get for cheaper, cause why would i do that?

now what im hearing is that there are these jackets which we all know about the stupid jackets that make you look like a 5000 pound eskimo with the furs and the padding and all the crap that jackets dont need. and these jackets sell from 600 to thousands of dollars. thousands of dollars on something you will use for maybe 5 or 6 months? and then you THROW IT OUT AND BUY A NEW JACKET like an ass hole while there are people who can't even afford a fucking tshirt for 5 bucks.

i know that we've learnt this our whole lives all about brand names and all the jazz about how they're dumb and how you can get the same white tshirt for 5 bucks as you can get for 35 bucks. but does anyone really think about that, like i know its boring to hear that, but does anyone ever take this into consideration when shopping?

i mean i can walk into any store in the mall with a nice name and it smells good and has its own perfume and topless sex god posters all over the walls and buy a pair of jeans that arent even good, that are RIPPED, like they aren't even properly made jeans since there are rips and patches, and i spend about 40 bucks on them (im guessing cause i've never bought designer jeans) and then i can walk into a walmart or any of those huge stores with the deals and junk, and buy the same jeans made WELL without any dumb rips in them for like 15 bucks. thats crazy!!! do you realize that the style for jeans was probably just a factory mistake? there were probably jeans being made in a stupid factory and one of the machines jammed up or something and a bunch of jeans were ruined and had a bunch of rips, and then instead of throwing them out they decided since our generation is so ignorant and materialistic so they marketed and sold broken pants to teenage girls and middle aged "cool" moms and all the sudden everyone wants a pair of them. I can rip my jeans, but if they aren't brand name, they aren't cool obviously.

what im really getting at is how stupid prices are, and how stupid people are for having this need to have the most prestige and famous and greatest brand things that they are willing to waste all this money away for it. I have a 20$ jacket that i got on sale. i have been using this winter jacket since the 8th grade and im still using it. the jacket is in perfect shape and it keeps me warm in the winter. someone else buys a stupid 600$ or more jacket and its fluffy and big and has the brand name ironed on to the front so everyone can see how cool they are and then by the end of the winter the "fluffy" is a bit worn out and not as big and puffy anymore and the fur that comes from all sides is dirty and the jacket has a stain because the material can't handle any spills. and they throw out the jacket, and spend 600$ on a new one. doesnt that sound so smart? -.-

all in all, if im going to buy a 600$ jacket, that shit better have like a laptop and speakers and cup holders built into it. something real fancy and handy. and even then i probably wouldnt buy it cause it would probably be an ugly-ass jacket.

think about what you buy before you buy it.
for what its worth, it can save you some good cash.
love always, the "accountant" (im so bad with money so me writing this is so hypocritical i spend my money on the most useless shit but not on expensive clothes so im in the clear for this one)

JUS

why i dont wanna separate from canada. a blog with no real point, because im really not that into politics

im going to be honest, (even though in my blog im always honest), i dont know much about the politics going on around me. i dont know about whos on whos side and what people views are. i do know about one thing, the big big big thing, about separating quebec from canada and making it its own county. in the spirit of this, i will write this blog post in french and since im writing it on my cell, i have no correction lines nor do i have any of the proper skills to really write this in french. fair warning, i WILL make plenty of mistakes, but its something i want to do for fun and for the spirit of this french vs english crap.

je pense que la separation de quebec et canada est vraiment stupid. je sais que le quebec veux.plus de respect pour leur langue mais c'est vraiment un idee faible parceque plus des raisons:

1. je pense que c'est stupid parceque ca vas couter beaucoup beaucoup de l'argent et qui va payer pour tous sa? ca va etre dans nos taxes et on n'aime pas payer beaucoup pour un cause pas important.

2. because the anglophones are fucked. even while trying to write this blog i cant express myself in french because unfortunately im not good at it and i understand that since im in quebec i gotta learn it, but as soon as we separate and english goes byebye, so will half your new "country" cause were all moving to an easier to speak place.

3. its so mean in general. just like how the french want respect and more language, hmthe english are like "damn" cause you guys just want us out of here, you just want to be french only when its mostly french here and you wanna be like mean to english and kick our language out!

ok so fine my points are probably really bad points and this blog is probably pointless cause i dont know shit about politics, but i am quite scared for this election cause im not down for a new country with only french speaking. im down for us all to just get along and stop fighting about really stupid stuff like language and maybe focus on some more important shit.

thats my view, even though it totally sucks. i also wanted to post something since i havnt posted in a while. toodles! love jus <3