so i wanted to post that i couldnt sleep, which i cant, but i took a good half hour to fix this dumb bum phone and to even get on this shit.
let me tell you the stress is building the fuck up. its like i was fine all semester, but the most boring canadian info humanities class might win over me, and i finally finnished my newspaper with the lil jews. and i have all these papers due and all that shit. since when am i supposed to not enjoy cejep? jeeeeeeeeez. but my one way to handle stress works out time nd time again. have a munchie, listen to the beatles, take a bath. yes, we all need alone time. shut upppp
i was really thinking about it and im actually scared shitless for the future. i mean like three things with the same deadline overwhelmes me enough that i blow it off, imagine when im actually an independant citizen. thats weird to think about. im tired
k im guna go sleep or try.
i wanna be a mom one day. to a boy cause god help me if i have a daughter whos anything like me
BYEEEEEEEEEEE I LUV U ALL ROFTLES
Friday, November 25, 2011
im on my cell so if i typo suck it
Monday, November 21, 2011
i see two guys in leather jackets arguing
so, the idea is, nobody is allowed to call me racist after this blog post, cause im an opinionated individual, but i really couldnt give a crap if you did cause i know im allowed to say whatever the fuuuuccckk i want. so shutup and listen.
one of my friends (who shall remain nameless cause it would look really bad on him) showed me this HILLARIOUS page on facebook called "I hate islam" with all these really funny pictures making fun of like islamic people and some were of christians and some were of jews. I laughed.. don't sue me for laughing, cause im pretty sure its legal to laugh at something funny.
what i honestly think is hillarious, is how people go so far just to insult someone else, and how it works. like im not about to say the N word or anything, but like people take ANYTHING as an insult. thats why i think religion is fucked up, because really, all it is is like a bunch of clubs, and you can join some, and you cant join others, and theres rules in every club. its stupid.
and its like people have to do absolutely nothing just to insult someone else. like if i wrote I HATE BLACK PEOPLE AND MUSLIMS THEY SHOULD ALL DIE, im going to be like shot for it. and honestly, why are people taking such offence. i mean who the fuck cares?
from an early point in our lives, we are taught not to care about what other people say, and then they get all insulted about so and so making fun of them. i mean honestly, it really doesnt matter. when someone makes fun of you, its just words, and its just ONE person, who probably means nothing to you anyways.
honestly, wars and all that are so pointless. like i dont want to sound like a weirdo peace freak, but everything is basically pointless. all negative aspects, even the positive ones too. we all live, and we all die, and thats what basically happens. some people remember you well, some people dont remember you at all, and some people are glad you're gone. what should really matter is that you're happy with yourself when you're lying on your death bed.
I dont want to die with the sense that i spend all of high school crying over a group of fucking dilholes who treated me like shit. i wanna die knowing that i dont give a shit, and that i got over it because i proved those people wrong.
I guess its that all these races and all these people living in this world have to just like shut up. and if they dont, take their insults as a challenge. They call you a loser? prove to them your not a loser. Im not a loser cause i have friends, i am a loser cause i dont have many friends, but i can fix that if i tried. They call you a whore? prove to them your not. or, just dont let anyt of that shit bother you. realize that theres so much better in the world then the big fucking losers you have to deal with everyday.
ok im done.
enjoy your day
and fucking smile for once. frowns are ugly as ballllllllssssssssssssss
JUS
one of my friends (who shall remain nameless cause it would look really bad on him) showed me this HILLARIOUS page on facebook called "I hate islam" with all these really funny pictures making fun of like islamic people and some were of christians and some were of jews. I laughed.. don't sue me for laughing, cause im pretty sure its legal to laugh at something funny.
what i honestly think is hillarious, is how people go so far just to insult someone else, and how it works. like im not about to say the N word or anything, but like people take ANYTHING as an insult. thats why i think religion is fucked up, because really, all it is is like a bunch of clubs, and you can join some, and you cant join others, and theres rules in every club. its stupid.
and its like people have to do absolutely nothing just to insult someone else. like if i wrote I HATE BLACK PEOPLE AND MUSLIMS THEY SHOULD ALL DIE, im going to be like shot for it. and honestly, why are people taking such offence. i mean who the fuck cares?
from an early point in our lives, we are taught not to care about what other people say, and then they get all insulted about so and so making fun of them. i mean honestly, it really doesnt matter. when someone makes fun of you, its just words, and its just ONE person, who probably means nothing to you anyways.
honestly, wars and all that are so pointless. like i dont want to sound like a weirdo peace freak, but everything is basically pointless. all negative aspects, even the positive ones too. we all live, and we all die, and thats what basically happens. some people remember you well, some people dont remember you at all, and some people are glad you're gone. what should really matter is that you're happy with yourself when you're lying on your death bed.
I dont want to die with the sense that i spend all of high school crying over a group of fucking dilholes who treated me like shit. i wanna die knowing that i dont give a shit, and that i got over it because i proved those people wrong.
I guess its that all these races and all these people living in this world have to just like shut up. and if they dont, take their insults as a challenge. They call you a loser? prove to them your not a loser. Im not a loser cause i have friends, i am a loser cause i dont have many friends, but i can fix that if i tried. They call you a whore? prove to them your not. or, just dont let anyt of that shit bother you. realize that theres so much better in the world then the big fucking losers you have to deal with everyday.
ok im done.
enjoy your day
and fucking smile for once. frowns are ugly as ballllllllssssssssssssss
JUS
Sunday, November 6, 2011
diary of a chubby
feels like forever since i last posted. what is it, a month and ten pounds ago? i made that joke on purpose
so ive gained a mass of weight and im getting instructions from a black man online how to lose it. its not going to well but i mean, hey, im trying and i guess thats what counts.
i basically have either michael jackson the experience (which i havnt used since i was dumped, i dont know why), just dance 2 & 3 (which im not half bad at, but its weird thinking of myself dancing in my basement on my own), wii fit (which acts like it helps but really doesn't), and a black man on the internet. So theres my life right now, and im always hungry because healthy foods are never good enough for a woman who likes eating a LOT!
anyways, ive really been thinking about it, and to save the embarrassment of certain people who i love i wont say their names. I really do need to lose a couple pounds here and there, but i think apart from that, im kinda not that bad. I wont say im fat, because ive seen fat people and i would NEVER let myself get to that because its just like scary to think about (nothing against larger people you guys are awesome unless your assholes) and the truth is, im not fat, im not all that chubby either... i know im getting there, but its not THAT bad like lets all calm down.
and i think the main reason why people are so obsessed with being perfect looking is to impress other people. i spend all morning doing my hair and choosing clothes even if i pretend i dont, to impress certain people, and we all do, even if we say we dont. when you choose clothes in the morning, if you were one of the rare people in the world who really didnt want to impress anyone, you would not worry about your clothes matching, or if your tummy hangs out or if something is ten sizes too big on you, you just wanna be comfy. I wish i was like that, but the reality is nobody is like that. But really, the reason why everyone does that is to impress other people.
i think that impressing people is so stupid, because unless they are dumb (most people today actually) they wont give a shit about what your wearing and even if you look mad hot and have nice titties, if your an idiot and have a bad personality, you wont be going too far. What people should start working on is their personalities rather than how they dress & look.
so heres the deal, i want to lose weight. at first, i was being basically forced to, and i really didnt want to. and the ore i gained, and the more my friends told me i didnt need to lose weight, i kept eating, and gaining, and eating, and gaining. Finally i realized none of my jeans fit, and my shirts had a big ol tummy sticking out of it. I've never been so embarrassed to realize when i was trying to pick out nice clothes to impress everyone, that I had no clothes that fit. i really didnt fit into anything i owned and it was terrible.right now, im losing, or trying to at least , weight for myself. i want to feel like my old self again, and i think that i feel better about excersizing and looking good when i know its for myself and not for anyone else.
basically i feel like if i didnt want to be skinnier, i wouldnt be. i think people have to stop impressing others with their looks, because if your looks and your clothes are all you have going for you, sure, for now you'll get all the ladies/guys that you want, and you can be all sexy and whatever you want, but as you get older you'll realize that people want to marry and hire and be around other people who have personaliy, who are at least a little bit intelligent, and as you get older, if looks matter to you, then you probably wont have as many friends as you used to in high school.
this is written for not only my own pleasure of writing, but as a thanks to all the people who are my friend because of who i am on the inside, and for accepting me, even when nobody else did. <3 love you guys.
sincerely, JUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so ive gained a mass of weight and im getting instructions from a black man online how to lose it. its not going to well but i mean, hey, im trying and i guess thats what counts.
i basically have either michael jackson the experience (which i havnt used since i was dumped, i dont know why), just dance 2 & 3 (which im not half bad at, but its weird thinking of myself dancing in my basement on my own), wii fit (which acts like it helps but really doesn't), and a black man on the internet. So theres my life right now, and im always hungry because healthy foods are never good enough for a woman who likes eating a LOT!
anyways, ive really been thinking about it, and to save the embarrassment of certain people who i love i wont say their names. I really do need to lose a couple pounds here and there, but i think apart from that, im kinda not that bad. I wont say im fat, because ive seen fat people and i would NEVER let myself get to that because its just like scary to think about (nothing against larger people you guys are awesome unless your assholes) and the truth is, im not fat, im not all that chubby either... i know im getting there, but its not THAT bad like lets all calm down.
and i think the main reason why people are so obsessed with being perfect looking is to impress other people. i spend all morning doing my hair and choosing clothes even if i pretend i dont, to impress certain people, and we all do, even if we say we dont. when you choose clothes in the morning, if you were one of the rare people in the world who really didnt want to impress anyone, you would not worry about your clothes matching, or if your tummy hangs out or if something is ten sizes too big on you, you just wanna be comfy. I wish i was like that, but the reality is nobody is like that. But really, the reason why everyone does that is to impress other people.
i think that impressing people is so stupid, because unless they are dumb (most people today actually) they wont give a shit about what your wearing and even if you look mad hot and have nice titties, if your an idiot and have a bad personality, you wont be going too far. What people should start working on is their personalities rather than how they dress & look.
so heres the deal, i want to lose weight. at first, i was being basically forced to, and i really didnt want to. and the ore i gained, and the more my friends told me i didnt need to lose weight, i kept eating, and gaining, and eating, and gaining. Finally i realized none of my jeans fit, and my shirts had a big ol tummy sticking out of it. I've never been so embarrassed to realize when i was trying to pick out nice clothes to impress everyone, that I had no clothes that fit. i really didnt fit into anything i owned and it was terrible.right now, im losing, or trying to at least , weight for myself. i want to feel like my old self again, and i think that i feel better about excersizing and looking good when i know its for myself and not for anyone else.
basically i feel like if i didnt want to be skinnier, i wouldnt be. i think people have to stop impressing others with their looks, because if your looks and your clothes are all you have going for you, sure, for now you'll get all the ladies/guys that you want, and you can be all sexy and whatever you want, but as you get older you'll realize that people want to marry and hire and be around other people who have personaliy, who are at least a little bit intelligent, and as you get older, if looks matter to you, then you probably wont have as many friends as you used to in high school.
this is written for not only my own pleasure of writing, but as a thanks to all the people who are my friend because of who i am on the inside, and for accepting me, even when nobody else did. <3 love you guys.
sincerely, JUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Saturday, October 8, 2011
The Concentration Bug
Hey guys,
I know I just posted, but I wrote something special, and I wanted to make sure I put it on here.
The following poem is dedicated to anyone with any kind of mental illness. I have adhd and I'm a published writer, and in cejep.. I never let my issues define who I am, and I hope the same to all of you. It only makes us special that we have a little more jump, or a little issue with cleanliness, or that we cant concentrate, even that we cant speak or walk or think properly. this is for all of you.
I know I just posted, but I wrote something special, and I wanted to make sure I put it on here.
The following poem is dedicated to anyone with any kind of mental illness. I have adhd and I'm a published writer, and in cejep.. I never let my issues define who I am, and I hope the same to all of you. It only makes us special that we have a little more jump, or a little issue with cleanliness, or that we cant concentrate, even that we cant speak or walk or think properly. this is for all of you.
The Concentration Bug
I was so young,
How would I know,
That there are many places,
My mind could go.
It travelled fast,
Exploring places,
Making up little scenes,
Making names and faces.
Paying no attention,
While I'm in class,
My focus would travel,
With it's boarding pass.
I could fly to the moon,
But I couldn't hear,
My teacher was talking,
Right into my ear.
From day to day,
From desk to desk,
The teachers would talk,
I'd appear statuesque.
Oh the places I went,
Because school was so boring,
The Professors would talk,
And I would be snoring.
So I didn't concentrate,
It was quite some trouble,
Learning isn't easy,
When your head's in a bubble.
They said pills would help,
Medication and all,
They helped my mind out,
My distractions in a ball.
Upping up dosage,
Was just what I need,
My teachers were happy,
My parents agreed.
I did what I was told,
Didn't argue or yell,
I didn't understand why,
But nobody would tell.
And then when kids said,
I'm stupid and dumb,
I said “its just a pill,
Doesn't change what I become”.
They laughed and they laughed,
Then I finally understood,
The word “special” isn't nice,
It means retarded and no good.
I was so young,
How would I know,
That I had ADHD,
And it'll never go.
im not even hungry
happy yom kippur.
im not allowed eating so that god will forgive me for all the sins i did last year and then put me on the "dont kill this year" list. cause thats whatsup in the jewish religion.
im really bored and home and just watched like a bunch of jersey shore and the office and really, i need a nice massage and junk, but of course, i dont get one cause im me.
so steve jobs is dead. that sucks for apple. i never really was an apple fan, besides their ipods and juice (GET IT APPLE JUICE I MADE A JOKE BAH). but seriously, i think everyone is taking this way too heavily. i mean yea, its sad cause death isnt usually a happy event unless its someone totally shitty, but like everyone has to calm down because i can bet all these people who are panicing, and dont know him, really arent that sad. i mean you didnt know the guy personally so its sad but like dont cry and be all pissed and shit. its really not that HUGE of a deal.
well yea, its kinda a big deal because a co-founder of apple died.
yea, i bolded the "co" in co-founder. because if there has to be a "co" (cooperation or whatever.. i was just guessing) infront of the "founder" then CLEARLY he didnt do this all on his own.
i mean theres another guy who made this shit. i dont know his name, but i didnt know steve jobs name either until everyone was flippin out about him being dead and all.
so clearly to everyone, if one of the guys who started apple is dead, than the company itself can't run and wil reduce to nothingness right?
dude, it wasnt just two guys sitting in a room fabricating the millions of apple products sold today. there were probably thousands and thousands of people working on this project, so just cause one died, doesnt mean the whole thing is ruined. and why dont they make this kind of a deal when anyone else dies? i mean if someone owned a company and they passed, none of their customers (unless they were close with them) would have a damn clue cause heres the truth. steve jobs never stood out there in an apple store and sold someone an ipod. they didnt stand there and do it. id bet until he was sick, nobody really knew the name of the guy who made apple. only the really smart people and the ones who watch the news and actually look this shit up. id bet all parents knew his name (NO OFFENCE) but half the people who own apple product probably didnt.
to me, apple isnt going to reduce sales, or become like hell just cause one guy passed away. first of all, theres another guy, second of all, if there wasnt, there would still be a bajillion other people who are totally qualified and know a ton of computer shit. third of all, there are so many workers and junk that reducing sales and closing shit down would kill SO MANY FRIGGEN JOBS.
so there we have it. i talked about nonsense. and if you dissagree with me im not going to be all like WELL UR WRONG GUY, everyone has their own opinion. but seriously, i think mine makes a bit of sense... just saying. not saying im right, but im just saying i feel good about my arguments.
ok ok ok bye
im not allowed eating so that god will forgive me for all the sins i did last year and then put me on the "dont kill this year" list. cause thats whatsup in the jewish religion.
im really bored and home and just watched like a bunch of jersey shore and the office and really, i need a nice massage and junk, but of course, i dont get one cause im me.
so steve jobs is dead. that sucks for apple. i never really was an apple fan, besides their ipods and juice (GET IT APPLE JUICE I MADE A JOKE BAH). but seriously, i think everyone is taking this way too heavily. i mean yea, its sad cause death isnt usually a happy event unless its someone totally shitty, but like everyone has to calm down because i can bet all these people who are panicing, and dont know him, really arent that sad. i mean you didnt know the guy personally so its sad but like dont cry and be all pissed and shit. its really not that HUGE of a deal.
well yea, its kinda a big deal because a co-founder of apple died.
yea, i bolded the "co" in co-founder. because if there has to be a "co" (cooperation or whatever.. i was just guessing) infront of the "founder" then CLEARLY he didnt do this all on his own.
i mean theres another guy who made this shit. i dont know his name, but i didnt know steve jobs name either until everyone was flippin out about him being dead and all.
so clearly to everyone, if one of the guys who started apple is dead, than the company itself can't run and wil reduce to nothingness right?
dude, it wasnt just two guys sitting in a room fabricating the millions of apple products sold today. there were probably thousands and thousands of people working on this project, so just cause one died, doesnt mean the whole thing is ruined. and why dont they make this kind of a deal when anyone else dies? i mean if someone owned a company and they passed, none of their customers (unless they were close with them) would have a damn clue cause heres the truth. steve jobs never stood out there in an apple store and sold someone an ipod. they didnt stand there and do it. id bet until he was sick, nobody really knew the name of the guy who made apple. only the really smart people and the ones who watch the news and actually look this shit up. id bet all parents knew his name (NO OFFENCE) but half the people who own apple product probably didnt.
to me, apple isnt going to reduce sales, or become like hell just cause one guy passed away. first of all, theres another guy, second of all, if there wasnt, there would still be a bajillion other people who are totally qualified and know a ton of computer shit. third of all, there are so many workers and junk that reducing sales and closing shit down would kill SO MANY FRIGGEN JOBS.
so there we have it. i talked about nonsense. and if you dissagree with me im not going to be all like WELL UR WRONG GUY, everyone has their own opinion. but seriously, i think mine makes a bit of sense... just saying. not saying im right, but im just saying i feel good about my arguments.
ok ok ok bye
Monday, October 3, 2011
your "love" makes me wanna stab people
im about to be a huge hypoctite cause ive totally done this before, but i guess my mind set has changed so don't judge me. (or do, i really couldnt care)
so there are couples out there, and i know a ton of em, and i used to be one of them, who take pictures together. now, thats super adorable cause couples are cute and all. BUUUUTTTT, i've been having an issue with people who take albums and albums of photos together, and post them on facebook.
lemme tell you this, nobody cares that you guys take a hundred pictures together. it really gets to me because of the meaning behind doing this.
when i used to take pictures with the ex, i wanted to look good and him to look good and us to look adorable and to post them on facebook, but for what reason really?
COUPLES POST HUNDREDS OF PICTURES TO PROVE & SHOW PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE IN WHAT THEY THINK IS "LOVE".
a real couple, besides marriage cause thats a whole different ball game, dont need to take pictures, to prove their love. if two people are dating, i could have guess that they kiss, and theyre cute together or whatever, i dont need to see it. and it isnt romantic because its like you're posing for other people. once in a while, taking a cute picture with your man is okay, but litterally sitting there for an hour, posing infront of a webcam, doesnt make you guys more in love than the couple who doesnt take pictures. plus, when i see a hundred pictures of you guys kissing, it makes the value of a kiss go so down, because those things are kind of personal, and although nice to see, i dont need everyone to see that i kiss a guy. if im dating a guy, im probably kissing him. its like if you post pictures of you having sex with your boyfriend. i know you guys have sex, and i know you guys kiss, so i dont need to see that on my news feed.
i think the most valuable photos are ones that aren't taken often, or the one that i have on my phone, but i DIDNT post on facebook.
i understand people might get offended by this cause like thats all they do, but next time your about to take a hundred pictures with your "other", ask yourself really WHY are you taking pictures. i know its fun, but honestly its a waste of time. a picture should be capturing a moment, not just a random time you wanna look like a badass kissing someone. im getting tired of people bragging about their love life, and its not cause i was dumped, its cause quite frankly im happy for you that your in a relationship but i really dont give a shit about the rest.
so shut up, and instead of focusing on the outside of your relationship and how u wanna look to other people, how about you focus on how u feel about your other person.
i went there.
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
so there are couples out there, and i know a ton of em, and i used to be one of them, who take pictures together. now, thats super adorable cause couples are cute and all. BUUUUTTTT, i've been having an issue with people who take albums and albums of photos together, and post them on facebook.
lemme tell you this, nobody cares that you guys take a hundred pictures together. it really gets to me because of the meaning behind doing this.
when i used to take pictures with the ex, i wanted to look good and him to look good and us to look adorable and to post them on facebook, but for what reason really?
COUPLES POST HUNDREDS OF PICTURES TO PROVE & SHOW PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE IN WHAT THEY THINK IS "LOVE".
a real couple, besides marriage cause thats a whole different ball game, dont need to take pictures, to prove their love. if two people are dating, i could have guess that they kiss, and theyre cute together or whatever, i dont need to see it. and it isnt romantic because its like you're posing for other people. once in a while, taking a cute picture with your man is okay, but litterally sitting there for an hour, posing infront of a webcam, doesnt make you guys more in love than the couple who doesnt take pictures. plus, when i see a hundred pictures of you guys kissing, it makes the value of a kiss go so down, because those things are kind of personal, and although nice to see, i dont need everyone to see that i kiss a guy. if im dating a guy, im probably kissing him. its like if you post pictures of you having sex with your boyfriend. i know you guys have sex, and i know you guys kiss, so i dont need to see that on my news feed.
i think the most valuable photos are ones that aren't taken often, or the one that i have on my phone, but i DIDNT post on facebook.
i understand people might get offended by this cause like thats all they do, but next time your about to take a hundred pictures with your "other", ask yourself really WHY are you taking pictures. i know its fun, but honestly its a waste of time. a picture should be capturing a moment, not just a random time you wanna look like a badass kissing someone. im getting tired of people bragging about their love life, and its not cause i was dumped, its cause quite frankly im happy for you that your in a relationship but i really dont give a shit about the rest.
so shut up, and instead of focusing on the outside of your relationship and how u wanna look to other people, how about you focus on how u feel about your other person.
i went there.
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Monday, September 26, 2011
in school blogger
today is my first in school blog,
not that this will become a regular thing, but I've never written a blog inside the school so its pretty fun.
I had a cancelled class today so im here until 1:00 with nothing to do, well actually until like 12:15 cause thats when im meeting with max.
ANYWHOOOOO, im in the stewart hall lounge and im listening in on other peoples conversations as usual because i have nothing better to do with my life. i should be reading, studying for tests or whatever, or even working on my assignments. but 1. i cant work on a certain assignment cause its too personal, and 2. im wayyyyyy too lazy and bored. I'm asking around for a topic to write about (im asking my friends not random people i see don't worry) but nothing seems to be comming up. I know im a creative mind, but i wish i had the creativity to come up with something so fast.
actually, I want to tell my two readers about whats new in my life. I have a job! i know right? its swell. but like, its actually a kind of cool job. Its on most thursdays (since i have no school thursday) and its at a Hebrew elementary school. basically what i have to do is edit a newspaper. Im almost a teacher for a group of like maybe 11 or 12 kids, and theyre going to be writing articles and all that, and We're going to make it into a newspaper. I have four thursdays left to get this all worked out which i think is totally enough.
so the kids i have are absolutely adorable. in grade five or six, and they seem really into the idea of writing in a newspaper / making one themselves. especially considering that they were chosen "specially" to be writers of said newspaper. I'm really excited to work with kids who love to write because I know that I love it as well and the idea of kids learning from me is just too much fun to think about.
I'm hoping to really make a connection to these kids because honestly I find them to be so much smarter than the people that surround me every day. the minds of simple children are what we need in the world. the fact that so easily kids can go from fighting to friends, and their issues are so small and unharmful make me jealous that I'm busy dealing with the bullshit of "teenage drama". At their age its "He stole my marker", at this age its "He stole my drugs and is sleeping with my girlfriend and is bringing a gun to school" (totally made up btw that's never happened) and i find it really sad that we can't just go back to being simple children who dont have to deal with puberty and dick size and boob size and boyfriends and drugs.
unfortunately though, little by little, the filth of our generation is being passed down younger and younger. Now, its 16 and pregnant, soon itll be 13 and pregnant (if thats even possible). its just sad that people younger than me have more sexual and drug experience than I do. Not to say I want these experiences, but I remember when I was in grade 7 I didn't know what weed even was, and I was getting ready to give my first PECK on the lips. now in grade seven people are high in class and having sex. That scares the shit out of me, because when I have kids, by the time their in kindergarden theyre going to be dealing pot and sleeping around. (not really)
so theres my flip out of the day, ill write again soon on the progress of the newspaper.
from the stewie hall lounge, im justine frankel, its 10:58 and im tired as a mofo.
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
not that this will become a regular thing, but I've never written a blog inside the school so its pretty fun.
I had a cancelled class today so im here until 1:00 with nothing to do, well actually until like 12:15 cause thats when im meeting with max.
ANYWHOOOOO, im in the stewart hall lounge and im listening in on other peoples conversations as usual because i have nothing better to do with my life. i should be reading, studying for tests or whatever, or even working on my assignments. but 1. i cant work on a certain assignment cause its too personal, and 2. im wayyyyyy too lazy and bored. I'm asking around for a topic to write about (im asking my friends not random people i see don't worry) but nothing seems to be comming up. I know im a creative mind, but i wish i had the creativity to come up with something so fast.
actually, I want to tell my two readers about whats new in my life. I have a job! i know right? its swell. but like, its actually a kind of cool job. Its on most thursdays (since i have no school thursday) and its at a Hebrew elementary school. basically what i have to do is edit a newspaper. Im almost a teacher for a group of like maybe 11 or 12 kids, and theyre going to be writing articles and all that, and We're going to make it into a newspaper. I have four thursdays left to get this all worked out which i think is totally enough.
so the kids i have are absolutely adorable. in grade five or six, and they seem really into the idea of writing in a newspaper / making one themselves. especially considering that they were chosen "specially" to be writers of said newspaper. I'm really excited to work with kids who love to write because I know that I love it as well and the idea of kids learning from me is just too much fun to think about.
I'm hoping to really make a connection to these kids because honestly I find them to be so much smarter than the people that surround me every day. the minds of simple children are what we need in the world. the fact that so easily kids can go from fighting to friends, and their issues are so small and unharmful make me jealous that I'm busy dealing with the bullshit of "teenage drama". At their age its "He stole my marker", at this age its "He stole my drugs and is sleeping with my girlfriend and is bringing a gun to school" (totally made up btw that's never happened) and i find it really sad that we can't just go back to being simple children who dont have to deal with puberty and dick size and boob size and boyfriends and drugs.
unfortunately though, little by little, the filth of our generation is being passed down younger and younger. Now, its 16 and pregnant, soon itll be 13 and pregnant (if thats even possible). its just sad that people younger than me have more sexual and drug experience than I do. Not to say I want these experiences, but I remember when I was in grade 7 I didn't know what weed even was, and I was getting ready to give my first PECK on the lips. now in grade seven people are high in class and having sex. That scares the shit out of me, because when I have kids, by the time their in kindergarden theyre going to be dealing pot and sleeping around. (not really)
so theres my flip out of the day, ill write again soon on the progress of the newspaper.
from the stewie hall lounge, im justine frankel, its 10:58 and im tired as a mofo.
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Saturday, September 17, 2011
i need more friends
Im sitting here in my bed, 9:26 PM, Saturday night.
I have just taken a shower and im in my sweats and an ugly shirt, and theres that whole towel business on my head. I realized, I'm home alone, and that i clearly am the coolest person on this planet for being in this situation at 9:27 on a saturday night.
I have friends, i guess... 85 on facebook, at least five or six is family, one is my camp boss, and i mean, its nothing special of a friends list. Its people i talk to, people who i want to see my updates or new shit thats happening. But im having a real issue with the "class friends" and the "chill with them on break" friends and the "my parents know their faces and names" friends.
class friends are those people who i talk to in class, sit next to, share a friendship with in class, because i really have nobody else to talk to so i just meet and talk and gossip or whatever in class. if were talking class friends, i've won the jackpot of people.
chill with them on break friends are the ones who i would hangout with in school, get to know well enough that we share a break and i hang with them during said break. you know the friendly type who you tell about your 'new boyfriend who goes to another school', but you know they'll never meet the new boyf cause you only see them in school
then, my favorite, and what im lacking is the "my parents know their faces and names" friends. now obviously, not all my good friends my parents know on a first name face basis, but like these are the people ill text to chill on weekends with, at nights with, and like know them well. i can grab them for serious advice, we write on eachothers walls without it being awkward and we actually talk a lot more than we should.
I'm missing good friends, because nobody at age 17 should be alone on a friggen saturday night. and my whole family is out, i mean does nobody see the sadness in the fact that i am alone, while my parents who have more facebook friends (by choice) go out? i wanna go the fuck out!
so i guess this is less of a "im going to complain or notice something and rant about it" blog. its more of a "i really wish i knew what to do" blog. because honestly, i meet so many new people, yet i have no clue how to make FRIENDS.. its like a disease or something.. and i wish i knew, because i love seeing different people. and i hate having to depend on the same people, hoping they're free so that i can actually have something to do on the weekend. you know, they have lives, and other friends they wanna see, so they wouldnt just see me every weekend right? exactly.
all in all, i need to make more friends, but like cool ones, nobody creepy.. i dont like creeps. :)
i complain cause im a lonerr raaaaaaaaaaahh...
joking im pretty good.
say hi to your mom for me,
JUS
I have just taken a shower and im in my sweats and an ugly shirt, and theres that whole towel business on my head. I realized, I'm home alone, and that i clearly am the coolest person on this planet for being in this situation at 9:27 on a saturday night.
I have friends, i guess... 85 on facebook, at least five or six is family, one is my camp boss, and i mean, its nothing special of a friends list. Its people i talk to, people who i want to see my updates or new shit thats happening. But im having a real issue with the "class friends" and the "chill with them on break" friends and the "my parents know their faces and names" friends.
class friends are those people who i talk to in class, sit next to, share a friendship with in class, because i really have nobody else to talk to so i just meet and talk and gossip or whatever in class. if were talking class friends, i've won the jackpot of people.
chill with them on break friends are the ones who i would hangout with in school, get to know well enough that we share a break and i hang with them during said break. you know the friendly type who you tell about your 'new boyfriend who goes to another school', but you know they'll never meet the new boyf cause you only see them in school
then, my favorite, and what im lacking is the "my parents know their faces and names" friends. now obviously, not all my good friends my parents know on a first name face basis, but like these are the people ill text to chill on weekends with, at nights with, and like know them well. i can grab them for serious advice, we write on eachothers walls without it being awkward and we actually talk a lot more than we should.
I'm missing good friends, because nobody at age 17 should be alone on a friggen saturday night. and my whole family is out, i mean does nobody see the sadness in the fact that i am alone, while my parents who have more facebook friends (by choice) go out? i wanna go the fuck out!
so i guess this is less of a "im going to complain or notice something and rant about it" blog. its more of a "i really wish i knew what to do" blog. because honestly, i meet so many new people, yet i have no clue how to make FRIENDS.. its like a disease or something.. and i wish i knew, because i love seeing different people. and i hate having to depend on the same people, hoping they're free so that i can actually have something to do on the weekend. you know, they have lives, and other friends they wanna see, so they wouldnt just see me every weekend right? exactly.
all in all, i need to make more friends, but like cool ones, nobody creepy.. i dont like creeps. :)
i complain cause im a lonerr raaaaaaaaaaahh...
joking im pretty good.
say hi to your mom for me,
JUS
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
its good to be good, but its better to sometimes be bad.
okay so im going to admit right now for being a bad person, its SIN CONFESSION time.
so, I've cheated, and felt really shitty for it.
I've lied, and felt a little less shitty, depends on who I lied to, but we all do it so dont judge me or ill judge you right back bumfaces.
I've stolen, from like my family, and the bookfairs in elementary, cause funky pencils and pretty erasers arent worth 5$ each.
I've talked behind peoples back, dont pretend you dont do it, your probably talking behind my back right now.
I've been a shitty friend at times, a shitty daughter, a shitty sister, and just like.. a bad person.
I think that I'm trying to get at a point that.. ive done bad things, but like really, everyone has too.
I think its time for everyone to cut the bullshit and stop pretending that they're angels and do nothing wrong. I'm sure ive made like ten people angry today, guaranteed. Yes, there are times where i can be totally adorably angelic, but its rare, because 1. im a woman and we get easily angered, and 2. im way too mean to be an angel. I think that every angel is a devil, but every devil is an angel.
I don't believe in fully GOOD or BAD people. because that doesnt make any sence. everyone does bad things, and it makes me angry when you think that people can't change, or like if theyre bad, theyre bad forever. if people who are good can become bad, which totally happens like a billion trillion times a day, then bad people can become good. I think what this is really about, is the decency and respect that people have fr other people.
I know, im really jumping around topics, but im talking about good and bad people. but everyone has to have some basic respect among them. for example, i hated high school (but you all know that cause i complained about it DAIIILLYYYYY in blogworld), and obviously it was because of the people there. i still see those people, how i still see them, i dont understand considering i go to a school with 6000 people and still see the same a holes that i was excited NOT to see, but the point is, they finally grew the hell up and although i think they are TERRIBLE people for what they did, and they still probably talk shit, i really couldnt care, but they dont give me dirty looks or yell things at me or push me around now, because they finally learnt some respect. you dont have to like me, but dont say shit right in my face.
That is decency, that is respect, and i think that some people (not going to name names but you know who you are) are just not decent or respectful.
but to the people who are, thats who wins in the end. im not dwelling on the past of being made fun of or whatever these bad people did, im realizing that bad people can actually become good people.. but good guys, can become bad guys, and when they decide to become bad, they just look like idiots, cause theyre being rude and "bad" to someone whos good, which is totally stupid and not worth yours, or my time.
from the bed of a maasai warrior post circumsizion in brocks class (i wrote that for max, my loyal blog follower) , this is justine frankel , pissin blood. PEACE.
i tried out "PEACE" and it didnt work.
byebye
so, I've cheated, and felt really shitty for it.
I've lied, and felt a little less shitty, depends on who I lied to, but we all do it so dont judge me or ill judge you right back bumfaces.
I've stolen, from like my family, and the bookfairs in elementary, cause funky pencils and pretty erasers arent worth 5$ each.
I've talked behind peoples back, dont pretend you dont do it, your probably talking behind my back right now.
I've been a shitty friend at times, a shitty daughter, a shitty sister, and just like.. a bad person.
I think that I'm trying to get at a point that.. ive done bad things, but like really, everyone has too.
I think its time for everyone to cut the bullshit and stop pretending that they're angels and do nothing wrong. I'm sure ive made like ten people angry today, guaranteed. Yes, there are times where i can be totally adorably angelic, but its rare, because 1. im a woman and we get easily angered, and 2. im way too mean to be an angel. I think that every angel is a devil, but every devil is an angel.
I don't believe in fully GOOD or BAD people. because that doesnt make any sence. everyone does bad things, and it makes me angry when you think that people can't change, or like if theyre bad, theyre bad forever. if people who are good can become bad, which totally happens like a billion trillion times a day, then bad people can become good. I think what this is really about, is the decency and respect that people have fr other people.
I know, im really jumping around topics, but im talking about good and bad people. but everyone has to have some basic respect among them. for example, i hated high school (but you all know that cause i complained about it DAIIILLYYYYY in blogworld), and obviously it was because of the people there. i still see those people, how i still see them, i dont understand considering i go to a school with 6000 people and still see the same a holes that i was excited NOT to see, but the point is, they finally grew the hell up and although i think they are TERRIBLE people for what they did, and they still probably talk shit, i really couldnt care, but they dont give me dirty looks or yell things at me or push me around now, because they finally learnt some respect. you dont have to like me, but dont say shit right in my face.
That is decency, that is respect, and i think that some people (not going to name names but you know who you are) are just not decent or respectful.
but to the people who are, thats who wins in the end. im not dwelling on the past of being made fun of or whatever these bad people did, im realizing that bad people can actually become good people.. but good guys, can become bad guys, and when they decide to become bad, they just look like idiots, cause theyre being rude and "bad" to someone whos good, which is totally stupid and not worth yours, or my time.
from the bed of a maasai warrior post circumsizion in brocks class (i wrote that for max, my loyal blog follower) , this is justine frankel , pissin blood. PEACE.
i tried out "PEACE" and it didnt work.
byebye
Friday, September 9, 2011
im a nympho and i adore sex.
the title is eye catching isnt it.
well, i put it there so you could pay some attention for once you pervs. joking. im in a mood and a half today. but what i wanted to write about way actually what i attempted to do with this title thing, get someones attention. well not someones, but whoever is reading this. Id bet you read the title and though this would be about sex. well thats where you were wrong, the title has nothing to do with the substance.
yea, i pulled the im-teaching-you-a-lesson card.
theres so many things that fly through my mind when i think of what i did. let me explain them all beautifly before i try to stay awake all night cause i dont think ill be able to wake up in 5 and a half hours if i go to sleep now; plus i have a bit of homework, shame on me for doing this before homework. learn from my mistakes.
Okay so, the first thing i really wanted to portray was that people are all about the first thing they see about a person, and then they'll continue looking. "dont judge a book by its cover" is basically what im saying. just because the title has sex in it, doesnt mean im going to talk about the glorious act of lovemaking. just cause you see someone in one way, doesnt mean thats who or what they are. its annoying to know that you have to be a certain way for someone to get to know you.
I know for a fact, that when I dress the way I feel like it, and i mean like the way lazy justine wants to dress, and i go out, not one person looks or talks to me, but when i dress the way i should dress, which is actually usually the right thing to do, but ill be honest i like to add in a lil extra sum sum as a crowd pleaser (omg im kidding im not a whore), but yea when i dress nice, i get looks, and sometimes someone will approach me.
Its like the first day of school, everyone at abbott wore their greatest outfits and you could tell they looked confident and good about themselves and like they can "rule the world" or whatever, but give it a while, they wont try so hard cause its school, not downtown.
thing number two is something im guna regret saying i think.
its about the title itself, and what the substance is, and how i can bet it caught at least 1 out of the two people who ever read my blog ;)
so im in a radio class and we gotta ask the "public of john abbott" about a question and they gotta give a good answer.. nd btw, i WILL be on the radio, ill write it on my facebook or something when its going to be.
but anyways, me and my two fellow male groupmembers had to come up with an idea of a question that is interesting enough that people wont fall asleep listening to the answers. so of course, we chose sex as our topic. our question was : Personally, is it important for you to be or not to be a virgin and why?
now, you would assume right away that people made jokes out of the answers, but besides one guy who litterally said "i dont go to a club to find a virgin, i go there to find the dirtiest whore there is", nobody was all stupid and immature about it. unfortunately, we didnt get a ton of truth, cause people are too embarrassed to say how they feel "it doesnt matter" was a big one.
but a few people said it, one guy said "i dont care if shes a virgin, but im not right now, and i cant be a virgin, ive been wanting to lose it since i was 16 so i cant be a virgin".
honestly, sex is effin exhileratingly great, and its fun to do and u can try different things and theres so many things that go along with it, but im tired of it being the most important thing on peoples minds. id bet if my blog was called "the sex diaries" it would have many more readers than now. its that people these days just all wanna know so much about sex, they all wanna have it, and its like drugs to them. when i post this on facebook , im posting it as "i wrote about sum sexy" and see how many more people actually visit. im sure after the first few lines, they'll stop, but i mean i wanna know the visit count after that post.
all people care about is something sexy and hot. im done with it, i wanna be cute and funny and fun to be with. i mean duh i wanna be sexy and hot, but not all the time. im done with people only thinking someone else is interesting because of something sexual. im done with people wanting to know about what i want and who ive done and all that shit . if i wanna tell you i will, but i gotta be close with you.
so thats me, ranting about lifes stupidities and difficulties, and im tired as balls so im not going to edit and reread before i publish. hopefully this isnt as bad as i feel like it is right now.
goodnight bizznatches,
ps: im in love.
well, i put it there so you could pay some attention for once you pervs. joking. im in a mood and a half today. but what i wanted to write about way actually what i attempted to do with this title thing, get someones attention. well not someones, but whoever is reading this. Id bet you read the title and though this would be about sex. well thats where you were wrong, the title has nothing to do with the substance.
yea, i pulled the im-teaching-you-a-lesson card.
theres so many things that fly through my mind when i think of what i did. let me explain them all beautifly before i try to stay awake all night cause i dont think ill be able to wake up in 5 and a half hours if i go to sleep now; plus i have a bit of homework, shame on me for doing this before homework. learn from my mistakes.
Okay so, the first thing i really wanted to portray was that people are all about the first thing they see about a person, and then they'll continue looking. "dont judge a book by its cover" is basically what im saying. just because the title has sex in it, doesnt mean im going to talk about the glorious act of lovemaking. just cause you see someone in one way, doesnt mean thats who or what they are. its annoying to know that you have to be a certain way for someone to get to know you.
I know for a fact, that when I dress the way I feel like it, and i mean like the way lazy justine wants to dress, and i go out, not one person looks or talks to me, but when i dress the way i should dress, which is actually usually the right thing to do, but ill be honest i like to add in a lil extra sum sum as a crowd pleaser (omg im kidding im not a whore), but yea when i dress nice, i get looks, and sometimes someone will approach me.
Its like the first day of school, everyone at abbott wore their greatest outfits and you could tell they looked confident and good about themselves and like they can "rule the world" or whatever, but give it a while, they wont try so hard cause its school, not downtown.
thing number two is something im guna regret saying i think.
its about the title itself, and what the substance is, and how i can bet it caught at least 1 out of the two people who ever read my blog ;)
so im in a radio class and we gotta ask the "public of john abbott" about a question and they gotta give a good answer.. nd btw, i WILL be on the radio, ill write it on my facebook or something when its going to be.
but anyways, me and my two fellow male groupmembers had to come up with an idea of a question that is interesting enough that people wont fall asleep listening to the answers. so of course, we chose sex as our topic. our question was : Personally, is it important for you to be or not to be a virgin and why?
now, you would assume right away that people made jokes out of the answers, but besides one guy who litterally said "i dont go to a club to find a virgin, i go there to find the dirtiest whore there is", nobody was all stupid and immature about it. unfortunately, we didnt get a ton of truth, cause people are too embarrassed to say how they feel "it doesnt matter" was a big one.
but a few people said it, one guy said "i dont care if shes a virgin, but im not right now, and i cant be a virgin, ive been wanting to lose it since i was 16 so i cant be a virgin".
honestly, sex is effin exhileratingly great, and its fun to do and u can try different things and theres so many things that go along with it, but im tired of it being the most important thing on peoples minds. id bet if my blog was called "the sex diaries" it would have many more readers than now. its that people these days just all wanna know so much about sex, they all wanna have it, and its like drugs to them. when i post this on facebook , im posting it as "i wrote about sum sexy" and see how many more people actually visit. im sure after the first few lines, they'll stop, but i mean i wanna know the visit count after that post.
all people care about is something sexy and hot. im done with it, i wanna be cute and funny and fun to be with. i mean duh i wanna be sexy and hot, but not all the time. im done with people only thinking someone else is interesting because of something sexual. im done with people wanting to know about what i want and who ive done and all that shit . if i wanna tell you i will, but i gotta be close with you.
so thats me, ranting about lifes stupidities and difficulties, and im tired as balls so im not going to edit and reread before i publish. hopefully this isnt as bad as i feel like it is right now.
goodnight bizznatches,
ps: im in love.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
what a feeling
so cejep is good, i made friends and kept my old friends, and im happy. tell me thats possible right?
i usually get on here to complain or to explain something ive learnt, which knowing me, this will turn into that kind of thing, but i dont know about much right now. i think that i just want to write more, i wanna make sure ive still got some unwritten words that i wanna put down on paper.
i think that whats really going through my mind is the word love. im not guna go all crazy and talk about the emotion and all that, but i think im purely thinking about when people say it.
like a guy i know said he refuses to say it first, even if he feels it, cause of course hes scared. i also know girls who dont want to say it first cause theyre scared.
i really think that if u feel it, you should say it. if they get all weirded out, then maybe they arent right for you. i think that if someone says they love me and dont love them back yet (relationship wise) then u tell them u really like them but ur not ready for that yet. if someone really likes you, they wont judge you for saying the big L word.. i think what every person wants is to not be scared anymore to say those things.
personally, i applaude (sp?) anyone who says it, because they are putting thenselves out there, and if the other person gets all dickish about it, its cause they arent meant to be. i mean whats loving someone if they dont love you back? its easy to let go of them if you reallllyyy think about it.
if they dont love you back, than the emotions u feel are just pointless, because clearly its not mutual.
so fall in love so that u can say it.
<3
i know this was a short one, but its still there :) goodnight and goodbye
Thursday, August 25, 2011
the time has come
so, the time has come to publicly announce being single. see, i didnt wanna put it at first, cause i had some hope that maybe it wasnt really over, and it was just a bit of a break cuz he wasnt sure of what he wanted. but i gotta say, its looking pretty official. and you know, ive got to learn to respect that because its what he wanted.
i think i also waited to write something cause i know myself, and i knew i would go on a rant about how hes an ass and a douche and wasnt good at kissing or whatever (he was great btw). i knew i would find every excuse in the book to prove i was better than him, and why he was a bad guy, or whatever his flaws were, or whatever he did wrong to me.
could you imagine if i did that? it wouldnt make me any better than him; sure, he made me feel like shit for breaking up with me, but really, hes allowed to, if he doesnt feel a certain way, why does he have to continue with that, just to make me happy? im glad that he did what he had to do, allthough im sad that he had to do it.
honestly, i had an amazing relationship with him. a week less than a year, and hes changed me as a person. i stopped doing things i didnt want to do anymore, i stopped being such a bad person, i started to appretiate the little things more. i even did better in school, to try and impress him cause he is so smart. also, he made me want to love, he made me want to give my love away so that i can feel a bond with a person ive never experienced.
ill explain how he helped me love. i never trusted guys that much, (no offence guys), because ive been used quite a bit in the past. so especially when i met this amazing guy whos goodlooking and nice and tall, i was right away attracted to him, and i knew that he could get a ton of girls, and through a bit of our relationship, i was scared to say "i love you" and scared to show my love because if i gave it away, its so easy to break me. he just helped me break out of that, and give my love away, and he didnt break me, even when he broke up with me, he didnt break me, he did it because it was his decision, but he deffinately didnt break me, because he did it in a way that let me down easy, and he said he felt bad and it didnt feel good to hurt me. maybe im just naive, but i have a strange feeling hes telling the truth.
i guess what i really wanted to do was not to kid myself really and pretend its not effecting me. im putting on a strong face, and unless you really know me, you wouldnt be able to tell i was even sad. but yes, it really really hurt, because i was sure things were just getting started with us, but you know, maybe this was good for me, and good for him. i have to respect his decision. i tried to fight for it, tried to fix things, but in the end it was up to him, and he decided he wanted out, and if i went around moping about it, i would just look stupid and pathetic. im going to continue my life as it was, though i do still love him.
thanks for reading, and if he ever did read this, thank you ex boyfriend, for the most amazing year of my entire life, through all the crap of highschool, and all the stupidness of the summer, you were there for me through it all, and one day, it would be nice to be friends again. i hope you accomplish whatever it is you want in life, and i wish you unconditional luck for the future. you are a great guy.
if you love something, set it free; if it comes back, its yours, if it doesnt, it never was.
i think i also waited to write something cause i know myself, and i knew i would go on a rant about how hes an ass and a douche and wasnt good at kissing or whatever (he was great btw). i knew i would find every excuse in the book to prove i was better than him, and why he was a bad guy, or whatever his flaws were, or whatever he did wrong to me.
could you imagine if i did that? it wouldnt make me any better than him; sure, he made me feel like shit for breaking up with me, but really, hes allowed to, if he doesnt feel a certain way, why does he have to continue with that, just to make me happy? im glad that he did what he had to do, allthough im sad that he had to do it.
honestly, i had an amazing relationship with him. a week less than a year, and hes changed me as a person. i stopped doing things i didnt want to do anymore, i stopped being such a bad person, i started to appretiate the little things more. i even did better in school, to try and impress him cause he is so smart. also, he made me want to love, he made me want to give my love away so that i can feel a bond with a person ive never experienced.
ill explain how he helped me love. i never trusted guys that much, (no offence guys), because ive been used quite a bit in the past. so especially when i met this amazing guy whos goodlooking and nice and tall, i was right away attracted to him, and i knew that he could get a ton of girls, and through a bit of our relationship, i was scared to say "i love you" and scared to show my love because if i gave it away, its so easy to break me. he just helped me break out of that, and give my love away, and he didnt break me, even when he broke up with me, he didnt break me, he did it because it was his decision, but he deffinately didnt break me, because he did it in a way that let me down easy, and he said he felt bad and it didnt feel good to hurt me. maybe im just naive, but i have a strange feeling hes telling the truth.
i guess what i really wanted to do was not to kid myself really and pretend its not effecting me. im putting on a strong face, and unless you really know me, you wouldnt be able to tell i was even sad. but yes, it really really hurt, because i was sure things were just getting started with us, but you know, maybe this was good for me, and good for him. i have to respect his decision. i tried to fight for it, tried to fix things, but in the end it was up to him, and he decided he wanted out, and if i went around moping about it, i would just look stupid and pathetic. im going to continue my life as it was, though i do still love him.
thanks for reading, and if he ever did read this, thank you ex boyfriend, for the most amazing year of my entire life, through all the crap of highschool, and all the stupidness of the summer, you were there for me through it all, and one day, it would be nice to be friends again. i hope you accomplish whatever it is you want in life, and i wish you unconditional luck for the future. you are a great guy.
if you love something, set it free; if it comes back, its yours, if it doesnt, it never was.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
allnighterbaby
what time is it? 2:58 am,
what am i doing? loafing in bed, watching "walk hard". what a great movie.
not the point though. the point is, why the fuck am i still awake? and why is my tummy makin noisessss? ouuuff its painful.
anyways, i had a dream because i fell asleep for like twenty minutes, but i wanted to tell my dream because it was weird..
so i was on a hill, and i was walking up this hill, and there were frogs everywhere, and one of them was really following me; it was talking to me in some gibberish, but i coulda sworn that it was scared or warning me. so i tuned back, but the hill was gone and i went falling for what felt like hours, then i landed on a bed of pillows and this frog was back but now speaking english, and it said: "be careful of what comes, your in danger of a knife in your throat."
then i woke up.. its freaking me out i gotta say.. so i needed to write that down and document it.
goodnight, if i fall asleep. xo
Friday, August 19, 2011
home again
wow. camp, the two month jewish prison of fun and games is over. you know, i always loved this camp of mine, and i always had fun as a camper, but i realized how muhc i LOVED being a staff this year. Honestly, the responsibilities and the independance is just amazing.
but more importantly, the new gameplan of this camp was cnfusing, for everyone. the new rules were loved, hated, rebelled, and just plain random, but of course, they are rules, and we must follow them.
Id like to congradulate myself on an amazing summer of NOT getting fired. after getting an ED (extra duty) and a warning, after getting caught doing bad things one after the other, getting fired was what should have happened, but lucky me, it wasnt.
funny how excited about coming home and not being there anymore, and my first day back i did a total of BARELY ANYTHING. im sitting here, straightener heated up to 230 so i can make myself gorgeous, and wondering what im going to do today, what am i going to do tomorrow? im bored of being home allready.
then, i think of the people who came to camp from other places, whether it be far away in canada, the US, europe or even further; what do they do when they get home? two whole months of being away from your sanctuary, how do they react? im sure they get all nervous and excited, excited to see their families and friends, but sad to leave a place they spent so long. will they remember this summer as a waste of time, or as a second-new home to come back to? thats what i sit and wonder while alone in my extremely comfy bed, with all my teddybears.
how do i unpack after such a long summer? peice by peice, day by day, i put clothes away and realize that this isnt just a day off from camp, its a whole year off from camp, and onto school i go.
thanks for the most amazing, crazy, drama filled (because im drama staff), fun, annoying, angry, funny summer of my entire life. you know who you are to al the people i care about, you helped change my life just a little bit more :)
but more importantly, the new gameplan of this camp was cnfusing, for everyone. the new rules were loved, hated, rebelled, and just plain random, but of course, they are rules, and we must follow them.
Id like to congradulate myself on an amazing summer of NOT getting fired. after getting an ED (extra duty) and a warning, after getting caught doing bad things one after the other, getting fired was what should have happened, but lucky me, it wasnt.
funny how excited about coming home and not being there anymore, and my first day back i did a total of BARELY ANYTHING. im sitting here, straightener heated up to 230 so i can make myself gorgeous, and wondering what im going to do today, what am i going to do tomorrow? im bored of being home allready.
then, i think of the people who came to camp from other places, whether it be far away in canada, the US, europe or even further; what do they do when they get home? two whole months of being away from your sanctuary, how do they react? im sure they get all nervous and excited, excited to see their families and friends, but sad to leave a place they spent so long. will they remember this summer as a waste of time, or as a second-new home to come back to? thats what i sit and wonder while alone in my extremely comfy bed, with all my teddybears.
how do i unpack after such a long summer? peice by peice, day by day, i put clothes away and realize that this isnt just a day off from camp, its a whole year off from camp, and onto school i go.
thanks for the most amazing, crazy, drama filled (because im drama staff), fun, annoying, angry, funny summer of my entire life. you know who you are to al the people i care about, you helped change my life just a little bit more :)
Thursday, August 11, 2011
complainer mc complainy pants ;)
so, i havnt gotten much time to write cause i been so busy being the boomest drama staff, and makin a new, amazing friend (yes thats you seb, you got a lil shoutout) and ya. so speaking of new friend seb, he told me that i complain too much here, and he has a point, besides now because i dont have much time, i always post about bad shit, so i wanna start talking about good things too, like how i roasted marshmellows for my first time last weekend, and i survived camping without getting eaten by a bear.
i think the biggest thing that i wanted to talk about was actuall camp, because im fortubate enough to reach my two goals :)
1. have a camper have a staff crush on me
2. make a campers summer
well of course the first one was reached ;) jkjk but to be quite honest, if a kid comes to you and thanks you and says that you made their summer, thats too much to ask for, thats just the thing i want to accomplish in life, but bigger. i want to change someone around, make a frown into a smile, but make it for something important. well i got that chance when a girl that was thirteen came to me with an issue that was something i went through, the bisexual stage is a weird and scary one, cause your really confused and scared, but i was lucky enough for a camper to come to me with her issue and how shes scared to tell her friends and family, and shes sure she is. i sat with her, told her my experiences and we really had a great conversation, and i really felt like i helped someone out. i dont wanna say i changed their life, nor do i wanna say i did any help because i have no idea if i did or not, but i know something got to her. getting through to someone so young going through something so scary, thats special.
this is why i came to camp. deffs not for the 600 pay im getting for the whole summer (killmepls), not for the sleeping or eating conditions, not for the disgusting bathrooms or showers. i came here to make a kids summer amazing, and i felt lile i did that.
so here is me, not complaining. life, is really good right now, and im happy that things are going well. i can successfully put a smile on my face. the only sad thing is camp is ending, and i gotta say goodbye to a friend im not ready to say goodbye to.
from the mouth of the lion, from the woman in charge, and the village idiot. hope u read hearty.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
oh shoot mobileeeeeeee
lets see if this works.
so whattup bloggers. this one will deffs take long cause im in camp so bear with me if i have spelling mistakes or weird junk going on. basically im serving today but thats not the point. im a staff in drama and some kids are really grinding my gears. tell me why you sign up to do drama, and then you sit there and dont want to participate. for someone who loves drama to its full extent (me) its frustrating and its hurtful when a little kid like you walks in and says 'drama is gaaaay'... well why did you sign up if its so 'gay' and stupid? there are other kids here who love it and are into it and participating and having fun, but your just sitting there on the side making our jobs as staff harder because now we have to entertain your stupid ass who signed up for something you wont even try to do. i know its not easy having to do activities all day and its hot outside and youre tired and hungry.. i was a camper once too you know, but i mean its not only about you sitting around that angers us, i mean have fun do whatever you want. but its actually hurtful that we try so hard to make a fun activity and plan out a whole day to find that none of you want to take part in it. its really just plain hurtful to us.
onto the next issue of venting.
i get paid; granted its a really low and shitty pay, its still money. i get paid to do a job. i was hired to be a drama staff (i get that u needed help serving thats no biggie) but i am NOT a camper. campers dont get paid, campers dont have nights out and days off. campers dont come to precamp and have responsibilities. people have to stop babying us and treating us like campers, because we really arent.. chances are we as a unit (granted others are immature ass holes that im not going to talk about because then ill just get mad) are waaayyy more mature than some of the staff up to five years older than us. i can guarantee you that i am more responsible and mature abd prepared than half the staff at this place. so please when you make an announcement, say 'all staff' dobt say 'all staff and jcs' cause, we are staff.
thats all for now.. oh wait
TONIGHT IM ON DAY OFFFFFFFF!
write back soon bizz.
jus
Thursday, June 23, 2011
prom night numero dos
i feel like i tell you guys too much, yet not enough. i mean, the shit i say over the internet is probably TMI, but you know, i never really cared that much. so i guess im more writing this for my mom, and all the people who care about me (and they worry) and yes, i DO want to write it in public, so its something "formal", and there are probably more witnesses.
let me start off with a little story. its about a girl named justine who used to smoke way more than she should have. and the people who loved her worried, and however it got there, my mom (luv yah mummaaaa) found out about it while i was away in europe. the obvious "big talk" and "grounded" were bound to happen, and i accepted that well because i knew it was the legitly fair punishment, even though it kinda sucked. after long talks with my two great friends and my boy, i decided to stop doing it, because i dont need to ruin perfectly good relationships with the people I care about, on account of a few hours of being high.
heres where it gets interesting. (all names will be left out because it's not fair to them) im invited to a party on victoria day weekend, and i BEGGGGGGGG my mom to let me go "I WONT DRINK, [person's name here] WONT DRINK I PROMISE" and all that. and maybe it was because my mum was excersizing and on the phone and watching tv that changed her mind, but she put her trust in me and let me go to said "party". Almost a full bottle of Captain Morgan and two beers later, i was way past the "i wont drink" phase, and everyone else was also drinking, so nobody realized i had drank a little too much..
you know the expression "praying to the porceline god" ? well people, i became religious to toilettes, plastic bags, myself, and large bowls that night, and the next two days weren't a walk in the park either. basically, i hit the limit of no return.. and that scared the people who cared.
now, i know im saying it now "ill never drink again" but i'm bound to do so one day. i think i basically needed to write this so i can embarrass myself infront of the internet, tell everyone about that night that i will NEVER forget. honestly, drinking can be fun, but only when its responsible drinking. lol i'm a parent ARE YOU PROUD MOMMY!?
i wanted to write this out so i can have it with me forever, i mean thats why i wrote my blog in the first place. to prove to myself that all of my belifs, and everyone elses, can be changed if we look at it from different angles. you can say that justine shouldnt be trusted at afterprom look what she did last time she was trusted ahhhhh shes an alchoholic or you can say she learnt her lesson after the shit she went through (i swear to god it was TERRIBLE) and you can even say she spent nineteen days in europe, and was a responsible kid. she didnt get grounded or crazy drunk or do anything stupid for that matter. thats why i write, to change the angle of things, because there are so many positive and negative ways to look at a situation, and ive always been the "glass half full" kinda girl, so i try to learn from it. and i did learn from it I can tell you that.
i guess this is really, mostly for my mom. shes really worried about me and alex, and i want to reasure her that im still her baby girl, but i am growing up, learning from my great and shitty experiences. i once heard a quote "when things don't go your way and you fail, its called an experience". I know you're putting all of your trust in me and alex tonight, and i promise to you, in writing, in PUBLIC, that i wont let you down.
Mum, thanks for believing in me tonight, and for taking care of me all these years.
now, i would continue, but i gotta get ready for WIC prom, so with all the love in the world to everyone i care about and everyone who cares about me; i vow to make you proud and be the best me i can be :)
from the comfy bed itself, all full of makeup and junk,
love, squishes, and big wet kisses,
jus
let me start off with a little story. its about a girl named justine who used to smoke way more than she should have. and the people who loved her worried, and however it got there, my mom (luv yah mummaaaa) found out about it while i was away in europe. the obvious "big talk" and "grounded" were bound to happen, and i accepted that well because i knew it was the legitly fair punishment, even though it kinda sucked. after long talks with my two great friends and my boy, i decided to stop doing it, because i dont need to ruin perfectly good relationships with the people I care about, on account of a few hours of being high.
heres where it gets interesting. (all names will be left out because it's not fair to them) im invited to a party on victoria day weekend, and i BEGGGGGGGG my mom to let me go "I WONT DRINK, [person's name here] WONT DRINK I PROMISE" and all that. and maybe it was because my mum was excersizing and on the phone and watching tv that changed her mind, but she put her trust in me and let me go to said "party". Almost a full bottle of Captain Morgan and two beers later, i was way past the "i wont drink" phase, and everyone else was also drinking, so nobody realized i had drank a little too much..
you know the expression "praying to the porceline god" ? well people, i became religious to toilettes, plastic bags, myself, and large bowls that night, and the next two days weren't a walk in the park either. basically, i hit the limit of no return.. and that scared the people who cared.
now, i know im saying it now "ill never drink again" but i'm bound to do so one day. i think i basically needed to write this so i can embarrass myself infront of the internet, tell everyone about that night that i will NEVER forget. honestly, drinking can be fun, but only when its responsible drinking. lol i'm a parent ARE YOU PROUD MOMMY!?
i wanted to write this out so i can have it with me forever, i mean thats why i wrote my blog in the first place. to prove to myself that all of my belifs, and everyone elses, can be changed if we look at it from different angles. you can say that justine shouldnt be trusted at afterprom look what she did last time she was trusted ahhhhh shes an alchoholic or you can say she learnt her lesson after the shit she went through (i swear to god it was TERRIBLE) and you can even say she spent nineteen days in europe, and was a responsible kid. she didnt get grounded or crazy drunk or do anything stupid for that matter. thats why i write, to change the angle of things, because there are so many positive and negative ways to look at a situation, and ive always been the "glass half full" kinda girl, so i try to learn from it. and i did learn from it I can tell you that.
i guess this is really, mostly for my mom. shes really worried about me and alex, and i want to reasure her that im still her baby girl, but i am growing up, learning from my great and shitty experiences. i once heard a quote "when things don't go your way and you fail, its called an experience". I know you're putting all of your trust in me and alex tonight, and i promise to you, in writing, in PUBLIC, that i wont let you down.
Mum, thanks for believing in me tonight, and for taking care of me all these years.
now, i would continue, but i gotta get ready for WIC prom, so with all the love in the world to everyone i care about and everyone who cares about me; i vow to make you proud and be the best me i can be :)
from the comfy bed itself, all full of makeup and junk,
love, squishes, and big wet kisses,
jus
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
freedom
FREEEEEDDDOOOOOOMMMMMM..
not rly actually. i was flipping shit that im free and im done high school, and then i realized, sitting in my living room, watching the MMVA's and on my comp, that im actually alone, doing three technologies and being extremely unsocial. dude, im leaving to camp on sunday... and i wont be free then either. dude im ALONE right now, like fml you know? im done school, and im celebrating by being alone. no drinking (not that i even want to) and no partying (not that i was even invited) and nothing. is this freedom? being alone and sitting around? cause then, freedom is super crummy.
well, thats basically it. im not sure when ill be posting next, because of camp. but ill try.
BYEEEEEEEE
not rly actually. i was flipping shit that im free and im done high school, and then i realized, sitting in my living room, watching the MMVA's and on my comp, that im actually alone, doing three technologies and being extremely unsocial. dude, im leaving to camp on sunday... and i wont be free then either. dude im ALONE right now, like fml you know? im done school, and im celebrating by being alone. no drinking (not that i even want to) and no partying (not that i was even invited) and nothing. is this freedom? being alone and sitting around? cause then, freedom is super crummy.
well, thats basically it. im not sure when ill be posting next, because of camp. but ill try.
BYEEEEEEEE
Sunday, June 19, 2011
prom prom prom
so anyways, prom happened. and i have to appologize to the world.
it was honestly such a special night and i told everyone it would suck so ya i lied a little.
the thing is, when i went last year, i barely knew anyone, and it was just like BLEHHHH.
and what made my prom special was the people i spent it with, and i gotta say, these people are amazing.
i gotta shoutout my two best boys , alex's. because honestly that was the upbeat of my prom.
alex, you are the greatest boyfriend evaah, and as lame as getting all dressed up is, you made me feel really pretty and happy. we rocked riverdale i swear.
BEANY <3, not only wil i cherish the moments we walked in the "drizzle" outside together, but you will always be my number one, and you're honestly the most amazing friend a girl could ever want. we sat under that gazebo and i realized that this friendship isnt allowed ending because i love you wayyy to much to end it.
but prom is super gay i gotta say.
i mean its fun seeing everyone dress up, all the girls with the highest heels and then taking them off to dance cause that shit hurt (it was BAD). and just making fun of everyone because its too funny to see everyone like this, when your so used to the whole riverdale uniform.
the reason prom was special and "magical" was because of one moment. not even my own moment, just a moment in time where i realized just about how much goes on behind the scenes. behind the mountains of makeup and the expensive wear, behind the shit talking and the laughter and all the craziness that happens.. theres a love story, there is always a stupid love story.
i sat under that gazebo with alex , and we see two people talking (i wont name them, because im sure they were far away from everyone for a reason), and we turn around at one point, and they're dancing. two of the most random people that you would never expect, are up there dancing to no music. they're just dancing, and holding eachother.. and that my friends, thats your super cheesy, prince charming, totally movie style "magical" prom night. although this wasn't my "magic", i still felt it, and couldnt help but smile, because i knew that someone in my grade's night was made, just by those couple of minutes she spent dancing with this one guy, that clearly meant a lot to her.
and that is the magic of prom. yes, its superficial and totally pointless, but extremely magical and full of life.
![]()
it was honestly such a special night and i told everyone it would suck so ya i lied a little.
the thing is, when i went last year, i barely knew anyone, and it was just like BLEHHHH.
and what made my prom special was the people i spent it with, and i gotta say, these people are amazing.
i gotta shoutout my two best boys , alex's. because honestly that was the upbeat of my prom.
alex, you are the greatest boyfriend evaah, and as lame as getting all dressed up is, you made me feel really pretty and happy. we rocked riverdale i swear.
BEANY <3, not only wil i cherish the moments we walked in the "drizzle" outside together, but you will always be my number one, and you're honestly the most amazing friend a girl could ever want. we sat under that gazebo and i realized that this friendship isnt allowed ending because i love you wayyy to much to end it.
but prom is super gay i gotta say.
i mean its fun seeing everyone dress up, all the girls with the highest heels and then taking them off to dance cause that shit hurt (it was BAD). and just making fun of everyone because its too funny to see everyone like this, when your so used to the whole riverdale uniform.
the reason prom was special and "magical" was because of one moment. not even my own moment, just a moment in time where i realized just about how much goes on behind the scenes. behind the mountains of makeup and the expensive wear, behind the shit talking and the laughter and all the craziness that happens.. theres a love story, there is always a stupid love story.
i sat under that gazebo with alex , and we see two people talking (i wont name them, because im sure they were far away from everyone for a reason), and we turn around at one point, and they're dancing. two of the most random people that you would never expect, are up there dancing to no music. they're just dancing, and holding eachother.. and that my friends, thats your super cheesy, prince charming, totally movie style "magical" prom night. although this wasn't my "magic", i still felt it, and couldnt help but smile, because i knew that someone in my grade's night was made, just by those couple of minutes she spent dancing with this one guy, that clearly meant a lot to her.
and that is the magic of prom. yes, its superficial and totally pointless, but extremely magical and full of life.
love, jus's soft side.
-oh and if you were wondering, heres my magic moment:
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
its like im the idea monster
i know i like JUST posted, but i had the idea and BLAH..
sometimes, i make the worlds UGLIEST face, just because its funny, and i take a picture of it on my webcam. i do have a folder full of ugly pictures its great. and whenever i feel bad about myself, i look at the pictures, and i thank god that i dont look like that.
so yap. appretiate shit.
sometimes, i make the worlds UGLIEST face, just because its funny, and i take a picture of it on my webcam. i do have a folder full of ugly pictures its great. and whenever i feel bad about myself, i look at the pictures, and i thank god that i dont look like that.
so yap. appretiate shit.
interesting news.
i just found out we can post pictures and videos on this bizz. thats messed up. im excited :)
zomigawsh highschoooooooooool
so anyways bitchez,
HIGH SCHOOL IS OVAHH :):):):):)
well i mean i gots four more exams, but school is done and i am psyched, like REALLLLLYYY psyched. well if you follow my blog you would know how excited I am for everythinggggggggggggggggggggggg to be over. really ive never realized how excited i would be until the day of, and when it came, i was sad, to be honest, because of all my friends and all my teachers that i will miss. it was really a slap in the face, because ALTHOUGH I DIDNT CRY (woo), i was quite emotional, i was really sad to be leaving..
then, i get home and i sit on facebook (i am a teenager, facebook is our thing) and i look down my tiny friendslist of like 140something people.. i realize that theres no reason to be sad.. because its really not a goodbye. well it is, to the people i wont ever talk to again.. but its funny how we write in eachothers yearbooks how we'll miss eachother, good luck with the future, and all that jazz, it seems like its so conformist and so cookie cutter to say those things. im sure i wont miss that random dude i spoke to twice for an answer to a question in grade nine, so why am i writing/saying that, and why are we crying, giving this kid a hug?
because its routine. thats the routine that were so used to, the seating arangement, the teachers, the lockers, the hallways and the surroundings. the shit that we call "school" and you may call you're home away from home because of all the friends you had and shit.
well fuck routine, since when was i someone who followed rules, routines, junk like that. honestly, why the heck am i going to miss you? i really think that besides not seeing someone you care about for a little while, the word MISS makes zero sense. im not going to miss anyone from riverdale.. the people who are miss worthy, i am totally going to SEE in the future. i wish you no luck with your future, because I'm going to be a part of it. i dont hope you have a good summer, because i know you will, because i know you guys so well that i know how great you guys are.
see the difference between highschool and cejep (spelling?) is the buildings, and the teachers, and the things you learn. the people are really all the same to me, because the people worth seeing are the people i will see. so everyone has to stop crying, cause the only thing you're missing is routine.. you cant miss the people you're going to take the effort to see, and you cant miss the people you'll never see again, cause why the fuck do you miss them if u never want to see them?
it sucks the end of the routine, but i mean, thats life. and things will always change, people and place will always change, but if you really dig deep, would you rather stick to routine and be in highschool forever, or continue on, and make your own routine to your own life?
boom
HIGH SCHOOL IS OVAHH :):):):):)
well i mean i gots four more exams, but school is done and i am psyched, like REALLLLLYYY psyched. well if you follow my blog you would know how excited I am for everythinggggggggggggggggggggggg to be over. really ive never realized how excited i would be until the day of, and when it came, i was sad, to be honest, because of all my friends and all my teachers that i will miss. it was really a slap in the face, because ALTHOUGH I DIDNT CRY (woo), i was quite emotional, i was really sad to be leaving..
then, i get home and i sit on facebook (i am a teenager, facebook is our thing) and i look down my tiny friendslist of like 140something people.. i realize that theres no reason to be sad.. because its really not a goodbye. well it is, to the people i wont ever talk to again.. but its funny how we write in eachothers yearbooks how we'll miss eachother, good luck with the future, and all that jazz, it seems like its so conformist and so cookie cutter to say those things. im sure i wont miss that random dude i spoke to twice for an answer to a question in grade nine, so why am i writing/saying that, and why are we crying, giving this kid a hug?
because its routine. thats the routine that were so used to, the seating arangement, the teachers, the lockers, the hallways and the surroundings. the shit that we call "school" and you may call you're home away from home because of all the friends you had and shit.
well fuck routine, since when was i someone who followed rules, routines, junk like that. honestly, why the heck am i going to miss you? i really think that besides not seeing someone you care about for a little while, the word MISS makes zero sense. im not going to miss anyone from riverdale.. the people who are miss worthy, i am totally going to SEE in the future. i wish you no luck with your future, because I'm going to be a part of it. i dont hope you have a good summer, because i know you will, because i know you guys so well that i know how great you guys are.
see the difference between highschool and cejep (spelling?) is the buildings, and the teachers, and the things you learn. the people are really all the same to me, because the people worth seeing are the people i will see. so everyone has to stop crying, cause the only thing you're missing is routine.. you cant miss the people you're going to take the effort to see, and you cant miss the people you'll never see again, cause why the fuck do you miss them if u never want to see them?
it sucks the end of the routine, but i mean, thats life. and things will always change, people and place will always change, but if you really dig deep, would you rather stick to routine and be in highschool forever, or continue on, and make your own routine to your own life?
boom
Sunday, May 22, 2011
bleugh is the sound of the day
why havn't i written this yet? why, i was sick, and i was in a teensy bit of trouble.
let me just say, enough is enough, but when do i know what enough is?
its tough to know, but ive learnt to get up, have some water, and see how i feel.
praying to the procelin god, for hours is really no fun at all. specially when it goes on all night and the next day. this gave new deffinition to the word hungover because i hung over my bed, into a bowl, and sang to the top of my lungs, with a burning throat and an empty stomach.
let me tell you.. the movies make this look so much less excrushiatingly irritating and painful. it was honestly, HELL.
i ate soup and toast yesterday, and a few chips. let me tell you, water was my best friend. so was my bed, and my bowl for puke.
so guys, its fun to be a little crazy, but when it comes to the extent that i had it, i think you'll get what i mean when i tell you, i said the words im never drinking again at least twenty five times.
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR MOUTH.
because its coming out, either from the bottom, or from the top.
and you're embarrassed, sick, in pain, and just plain sad. <3
let me just say, enough is enough, but when do i know what enough is?
its tough to know, but ive learnt to get up, have some water, and see how i feel.
praying to the procelin god, for hours is really no fun at all. specially when it goes on all night and the next day. this gave new deffinition to the word hungover because i hung over my bed, into a bowl, and sang to the top of my lungs, with a burning throat and an empty stomach.
let me tell you.. the movies make this look so much less excrushiatingly irritating and painful. it was honestly, HELL.
i ate soup and toast yesterday, and a few chips. let me tell you, water was my best friend. so was my bed, and my bowl for puke.
so guys, its fun to be a little crazy, but when it comes to the extent that i had it, i think you'll get what i mean when i tell you, i said the words im never drinking again at least twenty five times.
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR MOUTH.
because its coming out, either from the bottom, or from the top.
and you're embarrassed, sick, in pain, and just plain sad. <3
Friday, May 20, 2011
sudden realization
so, school has sucked this year for me, but you allready know that if you've been reading. BUT what you don't know, is that i've been lying. (omg so coincidental, as i typed : ive been lying, im listening to bye bye boyfried , fefe dobson, and she said ive been lying, when i was tping it. SHUT UP IT WAS COOL)
so as i was saying, i did lie to all of you. school was amazing. i got really great marks, had great teachers, barely any homework, so SCHOOL, was amazing. now my social life, that was a disaster. but really, it wasnt all that bad. i mean it was really a group of pathetic, low lifes that just wanted to ruin mine. and yes, they did a pretty good job of it.. but i mean, i think im pretty well off. i have a extremely sexy boyfriend, a couple of AMAZING friends outside of school, and sadly for me, i relized too late that i had amazing friends in school as well. so my sudden realization, is more of a thank you..
thank you to alex, my amazing boyfriend, for listening to me vent for hours and hours about the bullshit that goes on in school, and for convincing me that you would beat them up for me, even though you wont cause its beneath you, nd ur too sweet to hut anyone. i friggen love you <3
thank you to beany (other alex), who is by far the WORST "gay bes friend" stereotype, but the most amazin friend in for reals. for making me laugh, threatening any guys who hurt me that ull have their balls in a ziplock bag, and for being real with me, and not just trying to make me feel better. the truth my hurt, but a slap in the face is usually what i need. i lurve mybig bro <3
thank you to jess (dokis) for being my "inside man" jkjk, and for sticking up for me even if it looked a little bad on her. for being the one who stole ALL the guys ;) and for being like my twin. i dont think i would be the same person if i hadnt obsessed ovr you in grade seven and bought you a watch for your birthday. jtm bub
thank you to jess (itzco) for being the prettier one. ;) honestly, we were FORCED to be friends, and it never worked, then give us a summer and all the sudden were SBS'ing and were just going a little nuts. although i don't see you enough, i wish i could see you everyday (which i could were like 10 minute neighbours) and i dont say this enough, buit i really appretate how forgiving and how much you wnt to help me out of all my pickles. iluvyu
last but not least, thank you jordana for teaching me that u dont gotta go crazy to have fun. we can get HIGH off of horton hears a who, and stupid shit like that. your honestly like a sister to me, and weve been through so much together. you saythat you can't live without me, cause i've helped you through your bubble, but you've helped me establish that its okay to have a bubble, and nobody needs to know EVERYTHING. your honestly the biggest sweety pie, and your my lil jew <3 ilysfm
of course, thank to my family, but bleh.
so my realization is that, i have 5 days left of school, two weeks of exams, two proms, and then im done, im GONE, forever. so really, theres no point sweating the small stuff anymore, because its so ... small. i mean im going to a bigger and better place (no, not heaven) ; CEGEP!!!!
from the desk of justine erin frankel, i wish i knew this when i started this year, because then woulda been happier nd perfect. but when is perfection ever fun? xo
so as i was saying, i did lie to all of you. school was amazing. i got really great marks, had great teachers, barely any homework, so SCHOOL, was amazing. now my social life, that was a disaster. but really, it wasnt all that bad. i mean it was really a group of pathetic, low lifes that just wanted to ruin mine. and yes, they did a pretty good job of it.. but i mean, i think im pretty well off. i have a extremely sexy boyfriend, a couple of AMAZING friends outside of school, and sadly for me, i relized too late that i had amazing friends in school as well. so my sudden realization, is more of a thank you..
thank you to alex, my amazing boyfriend, for listening to me vent for hours and hours about the bullshit that goes on in school, and for convincing me that you would beat them up for me, even though you wont cause its beneath you, nd ur too sweet to hut anyone. i friggen love you <3
thank you to beany (other alex), who is by far the WORST "gay bes friend" stereotype, but the most amazin friend in for reals. for making me laugh, threatening any guys who hurt me that ull have their balls in a ziplock bag, and for being real with me, and not just trying to make me feel better. the truth my hurt, but a slap in the face is usually what i need. i lurve mybig bro <3
thank you to jess (dokis) for being my "inside man" jkjk, and for sticking up for me even if it looked a little bad on her. for being the one who stole ALL the guys ;) and for being like my twin. i dont think i would be the same person if i hadnt obsessed ovr you in grade seven and bought you a watch for your birthday. jtm bub
thank you to jess (itzco) for being the prettier one. ;) honestly, we were FORCED to be friends, and it never worked, then give us a summer and all the sudden were SBS'ing and were just going a little nuts. although i don't see you enough, i wish i could see you everyday (which i could were like 10 minute neighbours) and i dont say this enough, buit i really appretate how forgiving and how much you wnt to help me out of all my pickles. iluvyu
last but not least, thank you jordana for teaching me that u dont gotta go crazy to have fun. we can get HIGH off of horton hears a who, and stupid shit like that. your honestly like a sister to me, and weve been through so much together. you saythat you can't live without me, cause i've helped you through your bubble, but you've helped me establish that its okay to have a bubble, and nobody needs to know EVERYTHING. your honestly the biggest sweety pie, and your my lil jew <3 ilysfm
of course, thank to my family, but bleh.
so my realization is that, i have 5 days left of school, two weeks of exams, two proms, and then im done, im GONE, forever. so really, theres no point sweating the small stuff anymore, because its so ... small. i mean im going to a bigger and better place (no, not heaven) ; CEGEP!!!!
from the desk of justine erin frankel, i wish i knew this when i started this year, because then woulda been happier nd perfect. but when is perfection ever fun? xo
Monday, May 9, 2011
what really bothers me
i told you about that friend that im no longer friends with.. well, its bothering me
so i deleted the guy off of facebook, and we arent talking at all.
first of all, he hasnt spoken to be since before my party (april 30th) and not even to say happy birthday. and of course, when i deleted him there was no attempt to fix things. although to some extent, i didnt want him to try and fix it, it hurts me deeply that he didnt even try. i mean the kid and i have been best friends for over a year, and all the sudden, i stop talking to him because he has let me down, hurt me, igore me and make me feel like complete shit; and he completely ignored me.. so that proves that he never really cared about me, because he isnt even trying to win this friendship back. and that is whats bothering me, because hes out there, forgot about the situation, doesnt care nor is he suffering, when im sitting in here bothered out of my mind. he clearly idnt give a crap and nevr will, but why do I need to suffer when i did what was right for myself.. and why if i did the right thing, do i still continue to feel like shit about myself?
life is unfair, wanna help ? pls. because my other friends said i did the right thing, and the feeling will pass, but it hasn't passed, and its so difficult to forget about someone you care so much about, oh and seeing them on your news feed, and their best friend on msn, NOT EASY.
issues are issues, and friends are friends, but when one of em ends, its hard to deal with.
so, ive never asked for advice, and i dont know what im getting myself into, but
if anyone has any advice, you know where to find me: justineerinfrankel@hotmail.com
so i deleted the guy off of facebook, and we arent talking at all.
first of all, he hasnt spoken to be since before my party (april 30th) and not even to say happy birthday. and of course, when i deleted him there was no attempt to fix things. although to some extent, i didnt want him to try and fix it, it hurts me deeply that he didnt even try. i mean the kid and i have been best friends for over a year, and all the sudden, i stop talking to him because he has let me down, hurt me, igore me and make me feel like complete shit; and he completely ignored me.. so that proves that he never really cared about me, because he isnt even trying to win this friendship back. and that is whats bothering me, because hes out there, forgot about the situation, doesnt care nor is he suffering, when im sitting in here bothered out of my mind. he clearly idnt give a crap and nevr will, but why do I need to suffer when i did what was right for myself.. and why if i did the right thing, do i still continue to feel like shit about myself?
life is unfair, wanna help ? pls. because my other friends said i did the right thing, and the feeling will pass, but it hasn't passed, and its so difficult to forget about someone you care so much about, oh and seeing them on your news feed, and their best friend on msn, NOT EASY.
issues are issues, and friends are friends, but when one of em ends, its hard to deal with.
so, ive never asked for advice, and i dont know what im getting myself into, but
if anyone has any advice, you know where to find me: justineerinfrankel@hotmail.com
Monday, May 2, 2011
frenemies
sup blognerds and followers of the world
i've had an issue resolved.
stupid friends are dumb, got it?
let me just tell you, if you're a girl, and a guy likes you, and you dont like him back, DON'T become his best friend, and expect everything to be okay.. things will deffinately become worse for you. because of his like, he will become you everything. honestly, y'all will be attached, best friends, change-your-facebook-name-and-be-siblings kind of friends.
then, once he gets over you, theres no reason to be your friend anymore, and as much as he cares about you, or wants to care about you, he has to face the fact that he doesnt, but you of course still care about him because you guys are BESTIES. but the problem is, your friendship was based on his crush on you, on your not supposed to be sad, but of course, you're basically depressed cause all you want is to stay friends with this guy who honestly, is done with you, and onto another person.
i shouldnt be surprised, my mom warned me that this would happen, and i was all "nah mum thats not going to happen" but then he misses your birthday, misses your plans and misses talking to you. don't set yourself up for that dissapointment, no matter how tempting the best friendship is at first.
the problem is, your the one whos kidding theirself. you think that you really got to them, but guys are guys, and no matter what, they like you, you're their everything, and when they don't like you, you're kind of a side friend. only if they NEED you, you'll get attention.
You become friends with them because nobody else gives you attention like this, your so happy, and then you're the one who ends up attached, and getting hurt in the end, thinking it'll work.
girls can be friends with guys, i totally back up that theory, but 99% of the time, someone will get hurt, and its usually the both of them.
ciao boes.
oh and follow me on twitter: @JayyFranks
i've had an issue resolved.
stupid friends are dumb, got it?
let me just tell you, if you're a girl, and a guy likes you, and you dont like him back, DON'T become his best friend, and expect everything to be okay.. things will deffinately become worse for you. because of his like, he will become you everything. honestly, y'all will be attached, best friends, change-your-facebook-name-and-be-siblings kind of friends.
then, once he gets over you, theres no reason to be your friend anymore, and as much as he cares about you, or wants to care about you, he has to face the fact that he doesnt, but you of course still care about him because you guys are BESTIES. but the problem is, your friendship was based on his crush on you, on your not supposed to be sad, but of course, you're basically depressed cause all you want is to stay friends with this guy who honestly, is done with you, and onto another person.
i shouldnt be surprised, my mom warned me that this would happen, and i was all "nah mum thats not going to happen" but then he misses your birthday, misses your plans and misses talking to you. don't set yourself up for that dissapointment, no matter how tempting the best friendship is at first.
the problem is, your the one whos kidding theirself. you think that you really got to them, but guys are guys, and no matter what, they like you, you're their everything, and when they don't like you, you're kind of a side friend. only if they NEED you, you'll get attention.
You become friends with them because nobody else gives you attention like this, your so happy, and then you're the one who ends up attached, and getting hurt in the end, thinking it'll work.
girls can be friends with guys, i totally back up that theory, but 99% of the time, someone will get hurt, and its usually the both of them.
ciao boes.
oh and follow me on twitter: @JayyFranks
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
european men are hairy
going to europe. fina-fucking-ly. o and i havn't blogged in like a million kagillion years. its funny, cause im still with the same old guy (seven months strong) and still at the same old school (i hate people still no worries) and have the same old dramatic issues. its like every day is a routine. i guess thats why im so excited to get the fudge out of here, because its finally going to be different, somewhere new, something thats out of my daily routine. an experience, if you wanna give it a name. y'know. i love being alive, but i hate not being dead. its hard to live being me, and thats not in the "ohmygawd im so great its hard to be me" way, or in the "my life stinks everyone sucks i cut myself its so hard to be me" way. its in the "what the heck am i doing with myself and why can't i catch a break, its hard to be me" way. i want to be myself, but i want to be what other people like. i hate not being social, so ive been trying to tone down on the JUSTINE IN YOUR FAYCE-ness. its tough, but i mean, such is life. you dont need to change yourself for other people, but you do need to tweak yourself if you want to be social. honey, i will never change, but i am a little more mature (when i need to be) and appropriate (when i need to be). the only thing im missing is a litle excitement. well hello hairy men, accents and good food, im going to europe in two friggen days. imagine, in 48hours ill be at an airport, waiting to get my boarding pass and say goodbye. da fuck !? anyways , im out. love and rockets.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)