prom night numero dos

i feel like i tell you guys too much, yet not enough. i mean, the shit i say over the internet is probably TMI, but you know, i never really cared that much. so i guess im more writing this for my mom, and all the people who care about me (and they worry) and yes, i DO want to write it in public, so its something "formal", and there are probably more witnesses.
let me start off with a little story. its about a girl named justine who used to smoke way more than she should have. and the people who loved her worried, and however it got there, my mom (luv yah mummaaaa) found out about it while i was away in europe. the obvious "big talk" and "grounded" were bound to happen, and i accepted that well because i knew it was the legitly fair punishment, even though it kinda sucked. after long talks with my two great friends and my boy, i decided to stop doing it, because i dont need to ruin perfectly good relationships with the people I care about, on account of a few hours of being high.
heres where it gets interesting. (all names will be left out because it's not fair to them) im invited to a party on victoria day weekend, and i BEGGGGGGGG my mom to let me go "I WONT DRINK, [person's name here] WONT DRINK I PROMISE" and all that. and maybe it was because my mum was excersizing and on the phone and watching tv that changed her mind, but she put her trust in me and let me go to said "party". Almost a full bottle of Captain Morgan and two beers later, i was way past the "i wont drink" phase, and everyone else was also drinking, so nobody realized i had drank a little too much..
you know the expression "praying to the porceline god" ? well people, i became religious to toilettes, plastic bags, myself, and large bowls that night, and the next two days weren't a walk in the park either. basically, i hit the limit of no return.. and that scared the people who cared.

now, i know im saying it now "ill never drink again" but i'm bound to do so one day. i think i basically needed to write this so i can embarrass myself infront of the internet, tell everyone about that night that i will NEVER forget. honestly, drinking can be fun, but only when its responsible drinking. lol i'm a parent ARE YOU PROUD MOMMY!?

i wanted to write this out so i can have it with me forever, i mean thats why i wrote my blog in the first place. to prove to myself that all of my belifs, and everyone elses, can be changed if we look at it from different angles. you can say that justine shouldnt be trusted at afterprom look what she did last time she was trusted ahhhhh shes an alchoholic or you can say she learnt her lesson after the shit she went through (i swear to god it was TERRIBLE) and you can even say she spent nineteen days in europe, and was a responsible kid. she didnt get grounded or crazy drunk or do anything stupid for that matter. thats why i write, to change the angle of things, because there are so many positive and negative ways to look at a situation, and ive always been the "glass half full" kinda girl, so i try to learn from it. and i did learn from it I can tell you that.

i guess this is really, mostly for my mom. shes really worried about me and alex, and i want to reasure her that im still her baby girl, but i am growing up, learning from my great and shitty experiences. i once heard a quote "when things don't go your way and you fail, its called an experience". I know you're putting all of your trust in me and alex tonight, and i promise to you, in writing, in PUBLIC, that i wont let you down.
Mum, thanks for believing in me tonight, and for taking care of me all these years.

now, i would continue, but i gotta get ready for WIC prom, so with all the love in the world to everyone i care about and everyone who cares about me; i vow to make you proud and be the best me i can be :)
from the comfy bed itself, all full of makeup and junk,
love, squishes, and big wet kisses,
jus

freedom

FREEEEEDDDOOOOOOMMMMMM..
not rly actually. i was flipping shit that im free and im done high school, and then i realized, sitting in my living room, watching the MMVA's and on my comp, that im actually alone, doing three technologies and being extremely unsocial. dude, im leaving to camp on sunday... and i wont be free then either. dude im ALONE right now, like fml you know? im done school, and im celebrating by being alone. no drinking (not that i even want to) and no partying (not that i was even invited) and nothing. is this freedom? being alone and sitting around? cause then, freedom is super crummy.

well, thats basically it. im not sure when ill be posting next, because of camp. but ill try.
BYEEEEEEEE

prom prom prom

so anyways, prom happened. and i have to appologize to the world.
it was honestly such a special night and i told everyone it would suck so ya i lied a little.
the thing is, when i went last year, i barely knew anyone, and it was just like BLEHHHH.
and what made my prom special was the people i spent it with, and i gotta say, these people are amazing.
i gotta shoutout my two best boys , alex's. because honestly that was the upbeat of my prom.
alex, you are the greatest boyfriend evaah, and as lame as getting all dressed up is, you made me feel really pretty and happy. we rocked riverdale i swear.
BEANY <3, not only wil i cherish the moments we walked in the "drizzle" outside together, but you will always be my number one, and you're honestly the most amazing friend a girl could ever want. we sat under that gazebo and i realized that this friendship isnt allowed ending because i love you wayyy to much to end it.

but prom is super gay i gotta say.
i mean its fun seeing everyone dress up, all the girls with the highest heels and then taking them off to dance cause that shit hurt (it was BAD). and just making fun of everyone because its too funny to see everyone like this, when your so used to the whole riverdale uniform.
the reason prom was special and "magical" was because of one moment. not even my own moment, just a moment in time where i realized just about how much goes on behind the scenes. behind the mountains of makeup and the expensive wear, behind the shit talking and the laughter and all the craziness that happens.. theres a love story, there is always a stupid love story.

i sat under that gazebo with alex , and we see two people talking (i wont name them, because im sure they were far away from everyone for a reason), and we turn around at one point, and they're dancing. two of the most random people that you would never expect, are up there dancing to no music. they're just dancing, and holding eachother.. and that my friends, thats your super cheesy, prince charming, totally movie style "magical" prom night. although this wasn't my "magic", i still felt it, and couldnt help but smile, because i knew that someone in my grade's night was made, just by those couple of minutes she spent dancing with this one guy, that clearly meant a lot to her.

and that is the magic of prom. yes, its superficial and totally pointless, but extremely magical and full of life.

love, jus's soft side.

-oh and if you were wondering, heres my magic moment:

its like im the idea monster

i know i like JUST posted, but i had the idea and BLAH..

sometimes, i make the worlds UGLIEST face, just because its funny, and i take a picture of it on my webcam. i do have a folder full of ugly pictures its great. and whenever i feel bad about myself, i look at the pictures, and i thank god that i dont look like that.

so yap. appretiate shit.

interesting news.

i just found out we can post pictures and videos on this bizz. thats messed up. im excited :)

zomigawsh highschoooooooooool

so anyways bitchez,
HIGH SCHOOL IS OVAHH :):):):):)
well i mean i gots four more exams, but school is done and i am psyched, like REALLLLLYYY psyched. well if you follow my blog you would know how excited I am for everythinggggggggggggggggggggggg to be over. really ive never realized how excited i would be until the day of, and when it came, i was sad, to be honest, because of all my friends and all my teachers that i will miss. it was really a slap in the face, because ALTHOUGH I DIDNT CRY (woo), i was quite emotional, i was really sad to be leaving..
then, i get home and i sit on facebook (i am a teenager, facebook is our thing) and i look down my tiny friendslist of like 140something people.. i realize that theres no reason to be sad.. because its really not a goodbye. well it is, to the people i wont ever talk to again.. but its funny how we write in eachothers yearbooks how we'll miss eachother, good luck with the future, and all that jazz, it seems like its so conformist and so cookie cutter to say those things. im sure i wont miss that random dude i spoke to twice for an answer to a question in grade nine, so why am i writing/saying that, and why are we crying, giving this kid a hug?
because its routine. thats the routine that were so used to, the seating arangement, the teachers, the lockers, the hallways and the surroundings. the shit that we call "school" and you may call you're home away from home because of all the friends you had and shit.
well fuck routine, since when was i someone who followed rules, routines, junk like that. honestly, why the heck am i going to miss you? i really think that besides not seeing someone you care about for a little while, the word MISS makes zero sense. im not going to miss anyone from riverdale.. the people who are miss worthy, i am totally going to SEE in the future. i wish you no luck with your future, because I'm going to be a part of it. i dont hope you have a good summer, because i know you will, because i know you guys so well that i know how great you guys are.

see the difference between highschool and cejep (spelling?) is the buildings, and the teachers, and the things you learn. the people are really all the same to me, because the people worth seeing are the people i will see. so everyone has to stop crying, cause the only thing you're missing is routine.. you cant miss the people you're going to take the effort to see, and you cant miss the people you'll never see again, cause why the fuck do you miss them if u never want to see them?
it sucks the end of the routine, but i mean, thats life. and things will always change, people and place will always change, but if you really dig deep, would you rather stick to routine and be in highschool forever, or continue on, and make your own routine to your own life?

boom