I had an extreme hypocritical moment and I need to document that I learn't my ways and junk.
So I have friends (i know right!?) but anyways, i've got friends, and i love all my friends as friends and shit, but sometimes my friends can be unreliable, and im not saying this to piss anyone off, but ive been ditched quite a bit in the past.. lets start off with the past, shall we?
A long long time ago... I was a younger kid, this was like elementary. I had everyones phone numbers in my address book, and week after week i would sit and call every number one after the other to make plans, and if they were busy (which they always were), id try to make plans for the next week, which conveniently they were busy then too. I dont know what you could be so busy with at that age, but they were busy, and id always be alone. then there was in school, where id be running around from group to group trying to find something to do, which of course never worked.
Now, Im not saying that im little miss innocent, I need to stress the fact that I was a weird effin kid, and if i knew myself back then, i would forsure not want to be my friend cause i was weird. but it still really sucked.
Then we move on to high school, where shit was wayyyyy worse lol, and i had practically no friends..
But all in all I realized "fuck waiting around for other people, and them not even wanting to see me, im going to let people call me!" But of course I'd sit and wait and nobody would call. so I started again with the calling and blah blah blah.
This brings us to the now, where I still tend to get cancelled on at last second A LOT, and although it doesnt effect me as much because i've been so used to it, its always a drag to just get pushed aside like that, and then keep trying to make plans and have them do it again and again. It even got to the point where my mom and I were scared to make the 18th birthday supper for me, because we were both scared that people would say they could show up and just not show up. and for me to feel like that towards my own friends was something scary.. but i decided to make it anyways and get really pissed at the people who ditch :p
Anyways continuing on, I have a friend who I know doesn't have many friends, they're a super nice person but unfortunately, just like me, they come on too strong and push people away from them totally without knowing and accidentally, because they are themselves and people dont accept that. So, we had plans for a day that wasn't necessarily today (im just writing it today) and i was really planning on cancelling on them. like i had a set plan to cancel because i was really not in the mood to see them. As I was thinking about it and I told my mom about it, as if at the same time, we both realized it was such a bad idea. Why? because that's totally hypocritical. I mean i've spent almost my entire life being blown off and ditched and cancelled on at last minute, and if i were to do this to this person, I'd be exactly like the people that have done this to me. Its one thing if its a good reason to cancel, but this person certainly didn't deserve it at all.. even though i wasn't really up for seeing them.
And you know what? I had a really good day with that person, and I completely do not regret my decision of cancelling because I would have felt so guilty for hurting their feelings.
I guess I just want to document the fact that I actually learnt something valuable from that experience, about treating others how you want to be treated, about looking deeper into someone and recognizing that they are just trying to fit in and make more friends, just like I was - and still am.
I know its not always going to be easy not to be hypocritical on things, like if you hate smokers but you love someone who smokes so you let them do it even though you dont like it, but i think that if its at the point that it completely messes with your values and what you think its important, then you should be able to not be a hypocrite about it, just like I wasn't a hypocrite about this.
So thats basically all, and maybe its also a comment on we shouldn't judge people (which is so parental of me to say), but its true, theres more to everyone than we think. :)
thats all folks.
love love love love,
jus. ;)
