"love"

sudden realization much?

i just realized, that ive been trying to get one of my friends to start talking to me again, but i dotn want to talk to them first, cause then they win (even though they dont know about the game were playing). i know, im a girl

but really.. maybe they just DONT like me, you know? i have people that i just dont like, and i dont "avoid them", but like i try not to make a huge conversation with them.. and i just realized, i'd bet this guy, who used to be like.. my brother fuck, just.... doesnt enjoy me. cause he never talks to me, he only calls when im with someone he wants to talk to, and he doesnt actually miss me or have time for me.

my mom always said, if you're important enough to someone, they'll find the time for you, because you're a priority to them.

well i guess im not a priority to him, and i always knew i wasnt, but clearly the guy just doesn't like me. and that sucks, but i guess thats life.

i also realized that i have to stop saying i love people. the word love has no meaning anymore. actually, in my vocab, the words love favorite best friend dont exist.

hes not my best friend, nor do i "love" him in any way. jeez.

i have to stop saying that someone is like my brother (or sister to be politically correct). i have to stop saying that they are like my best friend and i love them. its ridiculous. i can easily name my best friends right now, with letters obvs.

BJJJAS

everyone else is a really good friend, a friend, or nothing at all.

honestly, i can say i love the people on that list.

i wanna say that i love my other friends, cause in a sense i love my friends, but i dont really LOVE them, but i love them. its tough to explain , but you all do it too, so stfu.

anyways. thats my big typing orgasm of today..

actually not of today cause this is my third post today.

ah.

k bye

ha

imagine people actually read my blog? ha.

oucherfuck

so i need a root canal.

key word: pain?

fuck yes. my left side of my mouth is like... siring with pain all over.

anyways. so the list went on.

no more soda sweets sugars chocolates salts & junk

fml right?

well its not all that bad. i mean i can still have my beloved starches, my sunflower seeds (new fetish) and my juice. oh and of course the best part, i can still drink V8 and not be yelled at.

could you even imagine life without v8? i couldn't.

then i got all soft, because one of those comercials with all of the black kids happened (not being racist)

meet alex. alex is only 10 years old but has to take care of his three younger siblings for his parents aren't alive anymore. he often misses meals and is too young to have to do this alone. But you and your family can help children like alex all around the world.

and i actually got to thinking. that maybe my root canaled pain-filled tooth is trying to save me. I mean really, my gluttony has always gotten the best of me, and i have gained a few liters lately.

imagine being like "alex"? i really was thinking about it as my nerve in my molar or canine or whatever was throbbing. i though, maybe its smarter if i eat some healthier shit. i mean my life could be so much worse. and i obviously dont want to go through this bull again.. right?

presto, a new child is born inside of me.

now if only i could fucking live until december 10th when i get the root canal. that would be a miracle.

the moral of the story is to eat healthy, dont take advantage, and FUCKING FLOSS. or you'll end up crying every time u drink/ eat anything and it hits that tooth,. and taking like five tylenol a night for pain.

thats all for now.

from the desk itself, wearing a robe cause i just showered,

jussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

peace in.. dont hear that often eh big guy?

I've found my solution to life.

We gotta bring the peace in.

why do people say "peace out" when they say goodbye to someone?

Why do we fight so much.

Its all about being comfortable with ourselves. I finally get it, and writing about it makes me all the more sure how true it might be.

Why do we fight? as a defense.

Why do we defend? to protect ourselves.

we want to be right, we dont want to look bad. why not? idgaf if i look like an idiot. If im wrong, then im wrong. why must we try so hard to make someone else join us? why is it called an opinion if were not alowed to have our own? why is it called personal if its just someone elses idea?

honestly, thats why I write, to find my own opinion and inner peace. it all makes sense to me now, that if you let someone shove their ideaoligy and opinion down your clogged up throat and let it touch your brain and heart, than your nothing. you are not opinionated, cause its not yours. its ridiculous how people let that happen. thats why people fight, and people are sad. people are sad because they feel either unloved, unheard or unappretiated. well. start to fucking appretiate yourself and fucking love yourself and listen to yourself. we dont need anyone else to accept ourselves.

thats why im such a loser at school. cause i dont fucking accept my own opinions and myself the way I am. I just hope to be accepted and stand all my insecure little fucking self being a little gay fucking loser.

NO! im not letting that shit change me anymore.

i say fuck the world.

and thats all i gotta say about that.

you have friends, you have enemies. thats life.

live with it, or fucking kill yourself.

igght pce in.

been a while much?

wow. live has its new curves.

key word: curvy?

no but really. I havn't written in practically a decade. I've been busy jeez dont pressure me.

anyways. life is silly now. joking its ... well how can i put this...

HELL&HEAVEN&CONFUSION&WHAAAATT!?

so yea. heres how I can explain it:

HELL: so school totally sucks balls. I can't walk around without being thrown with a new insult. I can't feel right, walking around the halls. I avoid, I am alone.

oh and im a horrible sleeper, I'm losing some friends, and people suck.

HEAVEN: im kinda in love with this guy alex. i know ew, havn't i learnt better than to be falling in love and shit? well to fucking bad. I'm like obsessed with the guy. whatever more on that shtuff lates.

CONFUSION: like wtf am I doing? i dont understand what im doing every day. and im thinking more deeply into my life to try and understand what its about and why im alive and whaaaatttt!

WHAAAAAAAT!?: idgaf. im on twitter now

search: JayyFranks

..i think thats my twitter, who da fuck knows .

well. thats me right nao.

ill write back soon.

i gotta pee.

BIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE