My Perfect Christmas Present - Poem

This poem guys, might be one of my best. I wrote it for the love of my life, and I felt so inspired and full of love, that I felt the need to write it, not just the want. My favorite thing in the world, is feeling like i need to write, and having the subject matter to do so. so, here it goes, i hope you guys love it as much as i do!!!

The Perfect Christmas Present
by: Justine Frankel (I only do this so everyone knows and if anyone ever steals im like boom bitch its right here my name - plus I have the scribblings of me writing it in my notebook)

It's Christmastime but yet I felt,

A little sad and blue,

When Santa asked me what I wanted,

I wasn't sure what to do.

I told him little things I liked,

But he said he didn't care,

For the perfect Christmas gift is something,

Magical and rare.

He laughed a mighty laugh,

Put me on his lap with a lift,

And he said “Tell me young Justine,

What's your perfect Christmas gift?”

What's the perfect Christmas gift?

Oh, that's easy for me,

It's one that doesn't come gift wrapped,

Or put under the tree.

It's one I've wanted for a long time,

I've waited since last year,

It's something that's too big for paper,

I hold it very dear.

It's not something just anyone can get,

Because there's only one,

It's something that can take the rain,

And turn it into sun.

I think about it every night,

It's all I want and more,

To have one Christmas day without it,

Would really be a bore.

It's smile shines so brightly,

Just like a Christmas star,

And it has a heart so sweet and big,

That you see it from afar.

It's the greatest give in the world,

I think you would agree,

Because my gift is heaven sent,

And delivered just for me.

If I could put it under a tree,

And neatly on the floor,

It's only wrapping would be my arms,

Cause it is what I adore.

And when I finally open it,

I'll never let it go,

I'll kiss it on its Christmas lips,

Under the mistletoe.

I said to Santa “you must be curious,

About this Christmas present.

I'm sure by now you've guessed the one,

That will make me rather pleasant”

He smiled and said “I know the one,

The perfect Christmas surprise.

But go now young one, go meet with him,

And then you'll claim your prize”

I got the courage and now I'm here,

To tell you what I want.

It's not a toy, or jewelry,

Not clothes that I can flaunt.

For me, the perfect Christmas gift,

Will last me all year through,

To me, the greatest gift of all,

Is being here with you.

Diary of a Fatttyyy bum: lost count

Current weight: too scared to check
but i will tomorrow... then ill come write. TOMORROW IS WEDNESDAY GIVE ME A BREAK
so i have been drinking, not now, but this week. and i will tomorrow i guess since its new years eve the most overrated night. nope im just saying that cause my bae is out of town so at midnight i have to kiss a picture of him or be way less crazy and just text him happy new years while he's partying it up in LA and im playing with my friends cat and getting sexy allergic reactions. the only thing that makes me feel better about knowing i wont get a new years midnight kiss, is knowing he wont either and that at that one moment, he'll be thinking of me. and i'll be thinking of him. and thats so fucking romantic like we're in different countries but were still in eachothers hearts and shit. naaahhh ima fucking paaarrrtay. this is the worst post ive ever had.

my brain feels like this today. all over the place. im unsure if this is even a "diary of a fat girl" entry.
ive eaten like a piggly this week. im not excited to check my weight. since my last entry, ive worked out once or twice. but the twice part was like twenty mins so it doesnt even count. tomorrow i should exercise... way to have a new years resolution broken before the new year even starts.

my new years GOAL, not resolution; is to be able to upload a bikini pic on fb (im such a dirty slut) before the snow is away. i dont care how cold how stupid how whatever i look. i wanna show the world i am ready for bikini season i have my new attitude my new body and happiness, and i wanna do it standing outside in the fucking cold-ass weather and get a god damn cold i dont care ill be too HOT to get cold anyways OHHHHHH burnnnn but still tho thats what i want so badly. and i dont have much time since mtl snow is nowhere to be found as of last week :p

okay thats my post for now, ill post again tomorrow maybe i dunno maybe haha what i dunno what am i writing fuck ahhh my bbrain haha what oh i dont know.
okay, goodnight then people because i shouldnt be awake with a brain this cluttered..

oh guys ill leave you with this:

MEDITATE. omg pls do it. its the best fjsinvjekadnvjkdnviudnv like i didnt do it for the beginning of the week, then around christmas i was having like a panic cause i couldnt sleep couldnt think and i usually go for guided meditation but i had no wifi, so i actually sang to myself for soothing music, and meditated. it was absolutely amazing really helped me relax all of my stress and anger into a nice calming feeling. okay. well wether it be guided or on your own, meditation can help anything. there are meditation mantras to help all of the aspects of your life. there are temples in your mind you can go to and visit parts of yourself you didnt even know existed, and you can heal them. thats my piece.

NAMASTEEEE my lovessssss

Diary of a Fat Girl; Post-Week 3 & 4

Sowwy, I didn't write exactly on wednesday.. or was that two wednesdays ago i needed to write...

So my current weight (weighed on the 17th which was the start of week 4)... or im confused now.
so the start of week one was the 26th, so week two was the 3rd, and week 3 tht i didnt write was the 10th, and then the start of week 4 was the 17th okay i got it. okay so clearly i loafed a bit :p

so lets get this on paper. I have been working out for three weeks, and this is the start of week four (well its like a few days after start and week 5 starts on christmas eve oh fuck me.

Current weight (from 17th): 167 lbs. (I KNOW RIGHT)
Weight loss count: -14
Goal weight: 27 pounds leftttttttttttt - but this week dont expect much eh?

So guys, I'm really happy with how i'm doing. yes, i havn't worked out since wednesday, so im kinda loafing a little, but its my holidays technically so im allowed to loaf. BUUTTT, im still eating really well and working on my diet so its not ALL bad :p

Anyhow, im really impressed with myself lately. the weight, which is hard to take off, is coming off faster than i thought it would. finally, with hard work and dedication, i am getting to where i want to be. Because i'll be out of the house and without my machine, I'm hoping if i cant go down in weight, to at least not GAIN anything throughout the week. Next wednesday I'll still weight myself, but not on my scale, and sometimes different scales say different things, but the wednesday afffter (the 31st) ill be weighing myself on my scale.. or maybe ill do it the day before since the 31st is new years eve so i wont want to be home writing about weight haha :P

Yeah, so the effort isn't easy, i'll tell you that. I mean making yourself workout basically every day, even if its only 20 mins for that day itself, takes a lot of discipline. Im glad that I'm starting to develop a better self-discipline through doing this. This time around, nobody is here to ask if i worked out today, or what i ate today. Nobody is staying on my case, making sure i keep making progress. this is all me this time, finallyyyyyy. I mean last night my grandfather takes me out for supper, and i ACTIVELY without even realizing it, scouted the healthiest meal on the menu (plain grilled chicken - no sauce, with shallots, some cheese, and some tomatoes on it) and then when she asked a side, i started with baked potato, but changed my order to steamed veggies instead. Guess what? I fucking ate those steamed carrots aand broccoli up god damn that was good and I was hungry so after finishing my meal, I was quite full, but also satisfied with what I had chosen as my meal. Other times when I went out for supper, I'd choose the "most fun" item on the menu that I either don't have often, or is something I don't make ever, and its usually smothered in mushrooms and cheese jalapenos stuff like that. And when i finish my meal, i'm so full and on top of it I hate myself for what I had just eaten. Its almost like my body was giving me all these signs that I shouldn't have been eating what I was eating. I had horrible stomach aches and bowel movement (tmi) and I felt weak and tired all the time. I've never felt better since choosing healthier choices. It makes me feel proud that when Im hungry at home, i went for the celery before i went for the crackers and cheese.

I guess thats what makes the effort easy, the pride. On wednesday, I stepped on the scale and didn't expect much. People say the first group of pounds is the easiest to lose, and after that it gets really hard. the fact that 10 pounds came off so easily from like a decent effort, was great, and then i kept putting in the same amount of effort, and there went another 4 pounds! I was so excited and happy i cheered and ran around the house naked i high fived myself i didnt even care i was just so happy. I know that after the holiday week though, i'll have to up my effort levels so that I can finish this thing off with a boom.

The more I try and lose, the more excited I get. The only downside is that I, myself, don't see a difference in my boody shape or looks. I've been told by a couple of people that I'm looking better, but I really don't see it. My downside is getting sad after not seeing the change. I never understood why does the scale say 14 pounds less, but my body says "your the same fat bitch you always beeeeen" but at the same time, i didn't notice my weight gain until i was at this point and was like woah when did my entire body change so much! so hopefully i'll get to that realization. I just need to keep pushing. I want to be able to upload a picture in a new bikini in the middle of winter, and say look at me, im already ready for bikini season and its 3 months away. you know?

Anyhow, this week my big goal is to workout as much as I can even without my machines. I'll try to go on jogs with my friends (if they're willing) do tons of jumping jacks and squats to keep the booty at its finest. (that shit hurts my legs though in the longrun) and just keep running and working at it. This week i'll be drinking alchohol too so as long as i pace myself and keep it real, i don't think i'll be too bad. Im not so worried, but i am a little nervous. YES, for the first time ever im nervous about gaining a little weight because of my "week off". If anyone has any good strategies or workouts I can do in an appartment building, don't hesitate.

aaaannnnd im an idiot. i can run up and down the stairs silly jus :p hopefully they arent those terribly loud and annoying stairs that'll piss everyone off if i run up and down them. regardless, I'll figure something out i'm pretty resourceful i think.

thanks for keepin it real, since there was no complaints about my lack of posting last two weeks, i doubt anyone reads, but i still gotta write for my biggest fan, and thats me :3
xo mad love to yah!!!!!!!

Diary Of a Fat Girl; Week Two

Current Weight: 174lbs
Current Mood: ALLL over the place.

I gotta say, week one posed to be quite easy :p i usually am one to ramble about life's problems, but for the past week ive basically been home for most of it (on account of some more personal life problems), so its been pretty easy to keep on schedule. Also, I didn't end up having a cheat day, which helps for sure. the toughest part was getting to working out, and sticking to it when im already doing it. See, Im sure i can do an hour of cardio in a row, but damn, am i ever laaaazy. what i did this week was that instead of being like "heeyy i made it to 15 mins, time for a break" i thought: "heyy, made it to 15 mins, lets make it to 20!" and so on, until i ended up doing 30 mins straight of jogging at fast pace. that may not be much to you, but to me, im really impressed with that ability. I've started to enjoy switching up my workouts too; I would do 50 jumping jacks, then 20 squats, then run for 15 minutes, and repeat; until i had around 40 minutes of working out under my belt and i would be sweaty as all hell.

In the month of august I believe is when my current boyfriend, alex, started to hold me more accountable, and to check my weight every week for progress. at the time, i was 186, my heaviest weight, and I was into that idea. unfortunately I didn't stick with it, as I usually don't. at first my weight went down, then fluxuated going up and down. the fact that from then up until last week my only difference was by 5 pounds (last week i weighed 181), made me really sick, and thats what pushed me to try another angle, like this diary one. I think its been helpful because every day when I workout, I imagine what i'll write on my weight loss diary. i took a picture of my stomach at 186, and i hid it deep in my phone. i vow right here, i will take another picture when i reach my goal, 140, and post both next to each other.

I want to be one of the poster people for knowledge that you don't need pills, or weird cookie/smoothie diets to lose that weight. its all about the hard work and motivation. diet and exercise!!!!!

So for this week, i continue my vow off coffee and soda and alcohol (yup, i havn't had any at all in a week!) and continue my vow of 150 jumping jacks a day. BUT, I will strengthen that vow and add more to it. my challenge of the week for eating is to have one fruit/veggie a day as opposed to another kind of snack (although to be honest I barely ate this week anyhow). my workout challenge of the week is to do at least 50 squats a day! (because i wanna firm up this booty, ya dig?)

As I was last week, I am still confident and excited about this adventure im taking with writing and weight loss, and maybe this can be the start of something amazing. tbh tho, im a little nervous because its said that the first five pounds in the first week come off the fastest, and from here it'll be a little slower. my mum says even if i keep up this amazing progress, i might only be losing 2 pounds a week, but that means losing 8 pounds a month, which is also not bad either. but still, secretly i want to roll in the new year at 160 (think i can lose 15 pounds in 28 days?) im sure it wont be that, but as long as i keep doing what im doing, im confident that i can make great progress by then.

Lets see how far i can take this shindig ;)
Prediction for next week's weight: 169lbs