the loner

this is a poem i wrote about a dream i had. hope its not too gloomy.

surrounded by a sea of people and yet i am so alone, 
they think that they know me but the only know my clone.
my clone has a name face and life and people think shes great.
but deep inside there is the real me who everyone would hate.
shes scared and lonely and wants to leave but nobody can hear,
and showing her real self to the world is something she'll always fear.
what fools she thinks about the world about the people she knows,
the face of truth is full of lies, all of her friends real foes.
but who to trust and who to keep close is the toughest choice,
and who to show her real self, her real body, and her real voice.
she turns herself to self-medication, to numbing all the pain,
she spends her time assimilating, one raindrop in a rain.
she doesn't want to be seen, nor does she want to be heard.
she tries her best too keep quiet, she does not utter a word.
she wrote a note stating farewell to all her so-called friends,
she said goodbye to her family, whom with she had loose ends.
they found her in her room that day, a note attached to her bed,
they found her in her room that day, hanging, she was dead.

Social Networking Is SO bad for me

i really need to delete twitter and facebook and get rid of my instagram and my cell phone and just my computer while i'm at it. maybe just get rid of people. see this is why i need to get rid of all this stuff cause it's making me just so angry all the time.

social networking has over-sensitized me (thats probably not a real word) but I am a less strong person because of my hidding behind a stupid computer and cell phone.

like why does it bother me so much when i know someone's read my message and hasn't answered? why when i don't hear from someone but then i see them posting or tweeting does it make me want to rip my hair out? why is it that when someone posts a fuck you status or something like that we immediately assume its about us? why why why why whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

fuck facebook twitter all this shit fuck people fuck fuck fuck someone help me please before i blow my brains out i dont understand human beings and things as well as i always thought i did as soon as i figure something out its like im missing all these little peices of shit shitty puzzle that part of me doesn't even want to solve. fuck i needed to vent that out.

people need to just be honest and tell other people what they think instead of posting stupid shit cause thats whats fucking us all up were all hiding behind our devises and thinking its our big sheild when in fact its just singling you out from everyone else who isnt cowardly and who can hold a convesation with someone face to face without pulling their god damned phone out i mean i get it if its serious but if its not there should be no reason to text when your with someone.

i know im going into like a billion different angry venting topic but i honestly don't care nobody reads this shitty blog anyways and to prove it im not going to post around that i've written. and if you really read this email me or whatever and tell me you really want to see me write cause if thats the case then i will i just feel like sometimes i need to write like this to get it all out. so theres my rant of the day i actually feel so much better. xox jus