i feel like i tell you guys too much, yet not enough. i mean, the shit i say over the internet is probably TMI, but you know, i never really cared that much. so i guess im more writing this for my mom, and all the people who care about me (and they worry) and yes, i DO want to write it in public, so its something "formal", and there are probably more witnesses.
let me start off with a little story. its about a girl named justine who used to smoke way more than she should have. and the people who loved her worried, and however it got there, my mom (luv yah mummaaaa) found out about it while i was away in europe. the obvious "big talk" and "grounded" were bound to happen, and i accepted that well because i knew it was the legitly fair punishment, even though it kinda sucked. after long talks with my two great friends and my boy, i decided to stop doing it, because i dont need to ruin perfectly good relationships with the people I care about, on account of a few hours of being high.
heres where it gets interesting. (all names will be left out because it's not fair to them) im invited to a party on victoria day weekend, and i BEGGGGGGGG my mom to let me go "I WONT DRINK, [person's name here] WONT DRINK I PROMISE" and all that. and maybe it was because my mum was excersizing and on the phone and watching tv that changed her mind, but she put her trust in me and let me go to said "party". Almost a full bottle of Captain Morgan and two beers later, i was way past the "i wont drink" phase, and everyone else was also drinking, so nobody realized i had drank a little too much..
you know the expression "praying to the porceline god" ? well people, i became religious to toilettes, plastic bags, myself, and large bowls that night, and the next two days weren't a walk in the park either. basically, i hit the limit of no return.. and that scared the people who cared.
now, i know im saying it now "ill never drink again" but i'm bound to do so one day. i think i basically needed to write this so i can embarrass myself infront of the internet, tell everyone about that night that i will NEVER forget. honestly, drinking can be fun, but only when its responsible drinking. lol i'm a parent ARE YOU PROUD MOMMY!?
i wanted to write this out so i can have it with me forever, i mean thats why i wrote my blog in the first place. to prove to myself that all of my belifs, and everyone elses, can be changed if we look at it from different angles. you can say that justine shouldnt be trusted at afterprom look what she did last time she was trusted ahhhhh shes an alchoholic or you can say she learnt her lesson after the shit she went through (i swear to god it was TERRIBLE) and you can even say she spent nineteen days in europe, and was a responsible kid. she didnt get grounded or crazy drunk or do anything stupid for that matter. thats why i write, to change the angle of things, because there are so many positive and negative ways to look at a situation, and ive always been the "glass half full" kinda girl, so i try to learn from it. and i did learn from it I can tell you that.
i guess this is really, mostly for my mom. shes really worried about me and alex, and i want to reasure her that im still her baby girl, but i am growing up, learning from my great and shitty experiences. i once heard a quote "when things don't go your way and you fail, its called an experience". I know you're putting all of your trust in me and alex tonight, and i promise to you, in writing, in PUBLIC, that i wont let you down.
Mum, thanks for believing in me tonight, and for taking care of me all these years.
now, i would continue, but i gotta get ready for WIC prom, so with all the love in the world to everyone i care about and everyone who cares about me; i vow to make you proud and be the best me i can be :)
from the comfy bed itself, all full of makeup and junk,
love, squishes, and big wet kisses,
jus
