feels like forever since i last posted. what is it, a month and ten pounds ago? i made that joke on purpose
so ive gained a mass of weight and im getting instructions from a black man online how to lose it. its not going to well but i mean, hey, im trying and i guess thats what counts.
i basically have either michael jackson the experience (which i havnt used since i was dumped, i dont know why), just dance 2 & 3 (which im not half bad at, but its weird thinking of myself dancing in my basement on my own), wii fit (which acts like it helps but really doesn't), and a black man on the internet. So theres my life right now, and im always hungry because healthy foods are never good enough for a woman who likes eating a LOT!
anyways, ive really been thinking about it, and to save the embarrassment of certain people who i love i wont say their names. I really do need to lose a couple pounds here and there, but i think apart from that, im kinda not that bad. I wont say im fat, because ive seen fat people and i would NEVER let myself get to that because its just like scary to think about (nothing against larger people you guys are awesome unless your assholes) and the truth is, im not fat, im not all that chubby either... i know im getting there, but its not THAT bad like lets all calm down.
and i think the main reason why people are so obsessed with being perfect looking is to impress other people. i spend all morning doing my hair and choosing clothes even if i pretend i dont, to impress certain people, and we all do, even if we say we dont. when you choose clothes in the morning, if you were one of the rare people in the world who really didnt want to impress anyone, you would not worry about your clothes matching, or if your tummy hangs out or if something is ten sizes too big on you, you just wanna be comfy. I wish i was like that, but the reality is nobody is like that. But really, the reason why everyone does that is to impress other people.
i think that impressing people is so stupid, because unless they are dumb (most people today actually) they wont give a shit about what your wearing and even if you look mad hot and have nice titties, if your an idiot and have a bad personality, you wont be going too far. What people should start working on is their personalities rather than how they dress & look.
so heres the deal, i want to lose weight. at first, i was being basically forced to, and i really didnt want to. and the ore i gained, and the more my friends told me i didnt need to lose weight, i kept eating, and gaining, and eating, and gaining. Finally i realized none of my jeans fit, and my shirts had a big ol tummy sticking out of it. I've never been so embarrassed to realize when i was trying to pick out nice clothes to impress everyone, that I had no clothes that fit. i really didnt fit into anything i owned and it was terrible.right now, im losing, or trying to at least , weight for myself. i want to feel like my old self again, and i think that i feel better about excersizing and looking good when i know its for myself and not for anyone else.
basically i feel like if i didnt want to be skinnier, i wouldnt be. i think people have to stop impressing others with their looks, because if your looks and your clothes are all you have going for you, sure, for now you'll get all the ladies/guys that you want, and you can be all sexy and whatever you want, but as you get older you'll realize that people want to marry and hire and be around other people who have personaliy, who are at least a little bit intelligent, and as you get older, if looks matter to you, then you probably wont have as many friends as you used to in high school.
this is written for not only my own pleasure of writing, but as a thanks to all the people who are my friend because of who i am on the inside, and for accepting me, even when nobody else did. <3 love you guys.
sincerely, JUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
