so, the time has come to publicly announce being single. see, i didnt wanna put it at first, cause i had some hope that maybe it wasnt really over, and it was just a bit of a break cuz he wasnt sure of what he wanted. but i gotta say, its looking pretty official. and you know, ive got to learn to respect that because its what he wanted.
i think i also waited to write something cause i know myself, and i knew i would go on a rant about how hes an ass and a douche and wasnt good at kissing or whatever (he was great btw). i knew i would find every excuse in the book to prove i was better than him, and why he was a bad guy, or whatever his flaws were, or whatever he did wrong to me.
could you imagine if i did that? it wouldnt make me any better than him; sure, he made me feel like shit for breaking up with me, but really, hes allowed to, if he doesnt feel a certain way, why does he have to continue with that, just to make me happy? im glad that he did what he had to do, allthough im sad that he had to do it.
honestly, i had an amazing relationship with him. a week less than a year, and hes changed me as a person. i stopped doing things i didnt want to do anymore, i stopped being such a bad person, i started to appretiate the little things more. i even did better in school, to try and impress him cause he is so smart. also, he made me want to love, he made me want to give my love away so that i can feel a bond with a person ive never experienced.
ill explain how he helped me love. i never trusted guys that much, (no offence guys), because ive been used quite a bit in the past. so especially when i met this amazing guy whos goodlooking and nice and tall, i was right away attracted to him, and i knew that he could get a ton of girls, and through a bit of our relationship, i was scared to say "i love you" and scared to show my love because if i gave it away, its so easy to break me. he just helped me break out of that, and give my love away, and he didnt break me, even when he broke up with me, he didnt break me, he did it because it was his decision, but he deffinately didnt break me, because he did it in a way that let me down easy, and he said he felt bad and it didnt feel good to hurt me. maybe im just naive, but i have a strange feeling hes telling the truth.
i guess what i really wanted to do was not to kid myself really and pretend its not effecting me. im putting on a strong face, and unless you really know me, you wouldnt be able to tell i was even sad. but yes, it really really hurt, because i was sure things were just getting started with us, but you know, maybe this was good for me, and good for him. i have to respect his decision. i tried to fight for it, tried to fix things, but in the end it was up to him, and he decided he wanted out, and if i went around moping about it, i would just look stupid and pathetic. im going to continue my life as it was, though i do still love him.
thanks for reading, and if he ever did read this, thank you ex boyfriend, for the most amazing year of my entire life, through all the crap of highschool, and all the stupidness of the summer, you were there for me through it all, and one day, it would be nice to be friends again. i hope you accomplish whatever it is you want in life, and i wish you unconditional luck for the future. you are a great guy.
if you love something, set it free; if it comes back, its yours, if it doesnt, it never was.
