If I could go back in time, what would I do?
I would talk to the young version of myself, but what would I say?
I would tell myself that I am perfect the way I am, and not to let anyone tell me otherwise.
I would warn myself that people will one day tell me otherwise, but I can't let it get to me, because as long as I am happy the way I am, then none of it matters.
I would tell myself that life gets better, it gets better every day, and that no matter how bad things seem, there's a light at the end of my dark dark tunnel.
I would tell myself that drugs aren't the answer to my problems, that I don't need to medicate myself to run away, that theres always someone I could talk to.
I would tell myself to focus on my studies, and not let anything get in the way of my passion and my future.
I would tell myself to take better care of myself, to spend more time working on how to feel better about myself, rather than how to get others to feel better about me.
I would tell myself that I am worth it, and that people are lucky to have me, not the other way around.
I would tell myself to not let people walk all over me, to be in charge of how i feel, what i do, and not let people pressure me into things.
But, I can't go back in time... can I?
If I went back in time and told myself all those things, then I wouldn't be who I am today.
If I had told myself that I was perfect the way I was, then I would have a bigger ego, I would be full of myself, I would have not been as modest, I wouldn't have learn't how to improve my self-esteem and self confidence.
If I warned myself about people bullying me, I would have avoided it, and I wouldn't be as strong as I am today, I wouldn't have been able to handle criticism and bad remarks as I can today.
If I knew life got better, I wouldn't have learned it on my own, and found the beauty in life through all the ugliness of my problems.
If I knew to never try drugs, I wouldn't have ever kicked them, and realized how strong and how much I can accomplish with determination.
If I knew to focus on my studies, I'd have never learn't how to be social, how to talk to people and to interact with unknown, to be outgoing and to never shy away from giving someone a smile.
If I knew to take better care of myself, I wouldn't have learned how to get out of a rut, how it feels to be emotionally and physically unstable, and then stabilize myself.
If I went back in time and then knew all these things, I would be a completely different person. I think instead of wishing to go back in time, I get the pleasure of having some crazy stories, some sad stories, and some stories of how I overcame the worst of times in my life.
I consider myself extremely lucky to have gone through so much shit (to my standards) and made it out alive. I am lucky because I experienced a lot and it'll help me through the rest of my life, and I'll be able to help and to relate with people who have gone through or are currently going through the same situations. I think that I am blessed to be able to say I went through hell and back, and I am so strong and grown up now.
I'd like to thank the people who stuck by my side and believed in me the whole way through, you are the reason I am still here today, and I couldn't have grown without you. Hope is so powerful, and once you know someone believes in you and has faith in you, it makes you determined to prove to those special and important people that you can overcome the bad.
thanks for listening. this one wasn't as good as the last, but it needed to be written.
love, jus
