Saturday, January 3, 2015

Diary of a Fat Girl; the new year

current weight: higher than it should be.
i gained back a lot of the weight i lost. i was afraid this would happen, but i hoped it wouldn't. i basically worked really hard for three weeks, and then took two weeks "vacation" from working hard, and went right back to square 1. Well, new year new me right?! RIGHT!
So today started with 40 minutes of cardio. yeah yeah not a lot but its the best i can do for this moment. I'm forsure going to do more before I sleep tonight though. Since im back home, m baack to writing down everything I eat, back on my medication, plus starting tomorrow im going to try (for just a week) a dietary supplement called Garcinia Cambogia; seems to be some sort of a fruit extract with an acid in it that can help get rid of some of the fatties in my food when i eat it or some crap idk i see shit for it online now im just trying it out for fun and cause its free.
my goal is going to be a minimum of 10 pounds a month to lose by may. Hopefully, I'll be down more than that per month, considering i've proven the ability to lose 5 lbs a week... but i mean look before the holidays i really barely ate and it helped me lose a lot, now i want to eat a regular 3 meals a day or 5 small meals or whatever i decide on my meal plan, with the working out at leaaaassstttt 5 days a week but hopefully more, i don't see why I can't lose at least 10 pounds a month.
for me right now its more about looking good than the number. I know i keep tabs on my number but I really don't care how much i weigh, i just care about how i look.. and right now im not happy with how i look, so im trying to change that, and i want to change it as fast as i can, so i can be happier sooner... if that makes sense. keeping off the weight is going to be hard, but in order to keep it off i gotta actually TAKE it off, so thats how we got here.

Its funny how i started off being so sure of how precise and how disciplined i'd be with writing and with the workout and that one food and workout goal a week and stuff.... it doesn't ever really work the way we think it will i guess. i started off wanting to be in a new bikini posting a picture of me out in the snow with no care in the world just boasting about how i made so much progress that im ready for bikini season before i need to be; but now i went more realistic and said i want to be able to wear a tight dress for my birthday, without a belly bump, without feeling icky and fat, just to wear it because it fits and looks banging and because i can. i think that should be realistic if i stick to my routines and i work hard. now this semester is going to be a hard one. im glad i'll have my blog to write in when i need to. four university classes, hopefully a new job cause bitch gotta pay them bills, and then this weight loss. i just want this to be a constant, through the school and the crap, i can always come home and work out and feel like i did something good that day, even if everything else went wrong. that makes sense right? well yeah, thats that. :p

annyhow, i'll post the "number" of my weight when im back at 167 where i was when vacation started . xoxo