I wrote this last week, but forgot to post it. I had been out with my friend and went exploring in random abandoned buildings. I wrote this while on the roof of one of them, looking at downtown montreal lights from above.
don't know if i could die out here.
im terrified, i can barely type. im shaking no no seriously im shaking.
i lost count after 10 stories, didn't want to count anymore. this is my first time exploring buildings, and im terrified. we had to run, hide, wear dark clothes.. caught by security can result in arrest. so we get here and were running low and im already like wtf get me out of here, and my friend tells me to put on my gloves and mask, cause the rust is narsty hard to breath in there and yeah. so were sneaking and climbing through shit, and we get inside. turn on flashlights, you hear nothing but the sound of heavy breathing (me), and footsteps (us) inside. were dead silent. rusty stairs made me cry haha. now that i think about that im laughing. i was sure the entire place would break down and we'd die, so i cried a lot on the way up, had a few episodes of "NOPE NOPE NOT GOING ANYMORE". my poor friend will never do this with me again, but its my first time so give me a break dudes. So finally on the last floor and i just cant anymore i sit there and say no you go on the roof ill wait here, ill wait here. my friend goes, and comes back and is like dude u have to come dont say you came all the way up scared as shit wont even go on the roof? and i was like nahh g nahh cant cant cant. but finally he made me do it, and here i am! :O so. worth. it. thats all i have to say. im jsut up here and im thinking wow dude, this is something i would NEVER do. justine frankel, in a situation she would never ever do. my friend the previous day said to me "how do you feel about the idea that you can get seriously injured or even die, thats the worst that can happen" and i was like "fuck yeah bring it on" and guess what? i did it. i feared for my life at a few points, had to be super careful of where i was standing and stuff, had to inch a bit and almost even fell, but i wasnt an idiot, and i wasnt drunk, so i was good. Its beautiful up here, and i feel triumphant. i feel like i havent ever felt. this is amazing. im taking picutres when im done writing, im gona lay here and stare at stars, or just scream (nah i cant or security will see us). yeah, so anyways. i just thought writing this needed to happen, because when i look back, i need to know i documented how i feel right now in this moment, total peace jus. nirvana is the roof of this building thats about to fall apart. that i could fall off of at any moment if i just leaned a little too much forward. the skyline is beautiful, the world, its just wow, beautiful. and sometimes you just need to see a different angle, to realize how petty everything else is. just like how i felt in europe, how i'll feel in israel, and how i feel right now. i god damn love this planet. i hope you all get to experience this one day. its absolutely perfect. im in pain and im scared and i had to go through gross shit to get here, but its all worth it. and now ill have to travel down haha didnt even think of that. ahh well, i did one way, i can certainly do the other. stay sweet! xx
