I know i just posted like ten seconds ago, but i was looking at the blogs im following, and one is my boyfriend, max's, blog. he had a new post so i decided to read it, and i've got to say, it really inspired me.
he wrote about the turning point in his life, and how he picked up a rock and does that for each moment something big happens, and how it can change your life forever. click to read the post that inspired me
After reading this, I realized that whenever something big happens in my life, i write about it. and its always there for me just to look at.
Until today, i never really considered myself a full out writer because i don't even know what it means to be a writer. i mean i know you have to write, you have to love to write, but do you need to be published? do you need to write articles and books and be in writing clubs and know every essay format and be the greatest speller in the world? i never knew what a writer was. today, i know what a writer is, and ironically enough, i don't have the right words to describe that feeling.
I write letter to myself, letters to other people, letters to people who i've made up, and letters that made up people write to me. I've written short stories, ive written little bits of stories that i can't seem to finish, i've written countless essays and responses, analytical papers, and plenty more. i've had at least 10 diaries in my life, and i've even written terrible poetry that i'll never show anyone because its about a crush i had in grade 6.
Anyways, if i were to tell you guys the turning point in my life, i wouldnt be able to say just one. there are so many moments that could have changed my entire life, even the littlest thing could have changed everything. i think one of the biggest moments in my life was the day i chose who i wanted to be.. ill explain a little more.
I had always had role models, some older and some my own age, and in grade six i had this role model (who i will not name) and i wanted to be her, she was funny and pretty and cool and everyone liked her and i'd always admired her. the thing is, throughout peoples lives, they change, and they all make the decision that i made that day. she had become a bit more "mainstream" and she was wearing more pink and more designer, she started getting into fashion and becoming more liking of guys and all that, and of course as the little creepy person i was, i followed. I started dressing and acting different, and i started becoming such a girly girl jewish little princess. One day, i looked at myself and even though i was young, i knew there was something wrong with how i looked, how i spoke and how i felt.
I knew i wasn't being myself, but as a younger girl, i didn't realize this was me, trying to fit in. I remember i didn't like that i wasn't being myself, even though some people were liking me better. I decided that day , the decision that has haunted me since then, that i wasn't going to judge people, that i was going to be accepting and i was going to be myself, and id never sell myself out to fit in, and i would never be someone im not, cause i was so uncomfortable with it. i didn't know there would be a consequence to this decision.. and suddenly, i was weird, i was different and strange, and i didn't belong.
That was the biggest decision i think ive ever had to make, and all through highschool i went from loving it to regretting it to loving it, and to this day, i still don't know whether i like it or not. But i'm quite glad that I am the way I am, and I don't think i would have been able to go through fitting in with the people that i so desperately wanted to run away from every time i saw them. today, i regretted that decision so much. i had a bad day, and i wished that i just sucked it up and fit in, but i didn't, so ya.
Also, if i never made that decision, i wouldn't know as much as i do now about myself, i'd have fake friends, and a fake personality. I would have never met the people I did, especially my boyfriend max. Imagine i was a jap? he would have never liked me, and i would have liked him so much, because i know myself, and he would have seen the fake version of me, and probably wouldn't have liked it, along with all the people im friends with now, none of them would have liked the fake me.
I guess all im saying is that this was the turning point in my life, oh and also, im extremely jealous of max.
why am i jealous? because my goal in life is to inspire one person, at least just one person read something i say and have it effect them in some sort of positive way, and he's only on his like fourth post, and i've never felt so hit with muse and inspiration.. I literally am sitting here and i have to pee so badly, but after i read his entry, its like something stopped me from doing anything but writing.
so thats that, and theres much more to come because if i know myself well enough, something will hit me friday, and i'll have to write about him.. (friday is six months since the day i met max. shush don't judge me)
hope you guys find inspiration everywhere you look,
much love,
jus
