in school blogger

today is my first in school blog,
not that this will become a regular thing, but I've never written a blog inside the school so its pretty fun.
I had a cancelled class today so im here until 1:00 with nothing to do, well actually until like 12:15 cause thats when im meeting with max.
ANYWHOOOOO, im in the stewart hall lounge and im listening in on other peoples conversations as usual because i have nothing better to do with my life. i should be reading, studying for tests or whatever, or even working on my assignments. but 1. i cant work on a certain assignment cause its too personal, and 2. im wayyyyyy too lazy and bored. I'm asking around for a topic to write about (im asking my friends not random people i see don't worry) but nothing seems to be comming up. I know im a creative mind, but i wish i had the creativity to come up with something so fast.

actually, I want to tell my two readers about whats new in my life. I have a job! i know right? its swell. but like, its actually a kind of cool job. Its on most thursdays (since i have no school thursday) and its at a Hebrew elementary school. basically what i have to do is edit a newspaper. Im almost a teacher for a group of like maybe 11 or 12 kids, and theyre going to be writing articles and all that, and We're going to make it into a newspaper. I have four thursdays left to get this all worked out which i think is totally enough.

so the kids i have are absolutely adorable. in grade five or six, and they seem really into the idea of writing in a newspaper / making one themselves. especially considering that they were chosen "specially" to be writers of said newspaper. I'm really excited to work with kids who love to write because I know that I love it as well and the idea of kids learning from me is just too much fun to think about.

I'm hoping to really make a connection to these kids because honestly I find them to be so much smarter than the people that surround me every day. the minds of simple children are what we need in the world. the fact that so easily kids can go from fighting to friends, and their issues are so small and unharmful make me jealous that I'm busy dealing with the bullshit of "teenage drama". At their age its "He stole my marker", at this age its "He stole my drugs and is sleeping with my girlfriend and is bringing a gun to school" (totally made up btw that's never happened) and i find it really sad that we can't just go back to being simple children who dont have to deal with puberty and dick size and boob size and boyfriends and drugs.

unfortunately though, little by little, the filth of our generation is being passed down younger and younger. Now, its 16 and pregnant, soon itll be 13 and pregnant (if thats even possible). its just sad that people younger than me have more sexual and drug experience than I do. Not to say I want these experiences, but I remember when I was in grade 7 I didn't know what weed even was, and I was getting ready to give my first PECK on the lips. now in grade seven people are high in class and having sex. That scares the shit out of me, because when I have kids, by the time their in kindergarden theyre going to be dealing pot and sleeping around. (not really)

so theres my flip out of the day, ill write again soon on the progress of the newspaper.
from the stewie hall lounge, im justine frankel, its 10:58 and im tired as a mofo.
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

i need more friends

Im sitting here in my bed, 9:26 PM, Saturday night.
I have just taken a shower and im in my sweats and an ugly shirt, and theres that whole towel business on my head. I realized, I'm home alone, and that i clearly am the coolest person on this planet for being in this situation at 9:27 on a saturday night.

I have friends, i guess... 85 on facebook, at least five or six is family, one is my camp boss, and i mean, its nothing special of a friends list. Its people i talk to, people who i want to see my updates or new shit thats happening. But im having a real issue with the "class friends" and the "chill with them on break" friends and the "my parents know their faces and names" friends.

class friends are those people who i talk to in class, sit next to, share a friendship with in class, because i really have nobody else to talk to so i just meet and talk and gossip or whatever in class. if were talking class friends, i've won the jackpot of people.
chill with them on break friends are the ones who i would hangout with in school, get to know well enough that we share a break and i hang with them during said break. you know the friendly type who you tell about your 'new boyfriend who goes to another school', but you know they'll never meet the new boyf cause you only see them in school
then, my favorite, and what im lacking is the "my parents know their faces and names" friends. now obviously, not all my good friends my parents know on a first name face basis, but like these are the people ill text to chill on weekends with, at nights with, and like know them well. i can grab them for serious advice, we write on eachothers walls without it being awkward and we actually talk a lot more than we should.

I'm missing good friends, because nobody at age 17 should be alone on a friggen saturday night. and my whole family is out, i mean does nobody see the sadness in the fact that i am alone, while my parents who have more facebook friends (by choice) go out? i wanna go the fuck out!

so i guess this is less of a "im going to complain or notice something and rant about it" blog. its more of a "i really wish i knew what to do" blog. because honestly, i meet so many new people, yet i have no clue how to make FRIENDS.. its like a disease or something.. and i wish i knew, because i love seeing different people. and i hate having to depend on the same people, hoping they're free so that i can actually have something to do on the weekend. you know, they have lives, and other friends they wanna see, so they wouldnt just see me every weekend right? exactly.

all in all, i need to make more friends, but like cool ones, nobody creepy.. i dont like creeps. :)
i complain cause im a lonerr raaaaaaaaaaahh...
joking im pretty good.
say hi to your mom for me,
JUS

its good to be good, but its better to sometimes be bad.

okay so im going to admit right now for being a bad person, its SIN CONFESSION time.
so, I've cheated, and felt really shitty for it.
I've lied, and felt a little less shitty, depends on who I lied to, but we all do it so dont judge me or ill judge you right back bumfaces.
I've stolen, from like my family, and the bookfairs in elementary, cause funky pencils and pretty erasers arent worth 5$ each.
I've talked behind peoples back, dont pretend you dont do it, your probably talking behind my back right now.
I've been a shitty friend at times, a shitty daughter, a shitty sister, and just like.. a bad person.
I think that I'm trying to get at a point that.. ive done bad things, but like really, everyone has too.
I think its time for everyone to cut the bullshit and stop pretending that they're angels and do nothing wrong. I'm sure ive made like ten people angry today, guaranteed. Yes, there are times where i can be totally adorably angelic, but its rare, because 1. im a woman and we get easily angered, and 2. im way too mean to be an angel. I think that every angel is a devil, but every devil is an angel.

I don't believe in fully GOOD or BAD people. because that doesnt make any sence. everyone does bad things, and it makes me angry when you think that people can't change, or like if theyre bad, theyre bad forever. if people who are good can become bad, which totally happens like a billion trillion times a day, then bad people can become good. I think what this is really about, is the decency and respect that people have fr other people.

I know, im really jumping around topics, but im talking about good and bad people. but everyone has to have some basic respect among them. for example, i hated high school (but you all know that cause i complained about it DAIIILLYYYYY in blogworld), and obviously it was because of the people there. i still see those people, how i still see them, i dont understand considering i go to a school with 6000 people and still see the same a holes that i was excited NOT to see, but the point is, they finally grew the hell up and although i think they are TERRIBLE people for what they did, and they still probably talk shit, i really couldnt care, but they dont give me dirty looks or yell things at me or push me around now, because they finally learnt some respect. you dont have to like me, but dont say shit right in my face.
That is decency, that is respect, and i think that some people (not going to name names but you know who you are) are just not decent or respectful.

but to the people who are, thats who wins in the end. im not dwelling on the past of being made fun of or whatever these bad people did, im realizing that bad people can actually become good people.. but good guys, can become bad guys, and when they decide to become bad, they just look like idiots, cause theyre being rude and "bad" to someone whos good, which is totally stupid and not worth yours, or my time.

from the bed of a maasai warrior post circumsizion in brocks class (i wrote that for max, my loyal blog follower) , this is justine frankel , pissin blood. PEACE.

i tried out "PEACE" and it didnt work.

byebye

im a nympho and i adore sex.

the title is eye catching isnt it.
well, i put it there so you could pay some attention for once you pervs. joking. im in a mood and a half today. but what i wanted to write about way actually what i attempted to do with this title thing, get someones attention. well not someones, but whoever is reading this. Id bet you read the title and though this would be about sex. well thats where you were wrong, the title has nothing to do with the substance.
yea, i pulled the im-teaching-you-a-lesson card.
theres so many things that fly through my mind when i think of what i did. let me explain them all beautifly before i try to stay awake all night cause i dont think ill be able to wake up in 5 and a half hours if i go to sleep now; plus i have a bit of homework, shame on me for doing this before homework. learn from my mistakes.
Okay so, the first thing i really wanted to portray was that people are all about the first thing they see about a person, and then they'll continue looking. "dont judge a book by its cover" is basically what im saying. just because the title has sex in it, doesnt mean im going to talk about the glorious act of lovemaking. just cause you see someone in one way, doesnt mean thats who or what they are. its annoying to know that you have to be a certain way for someone to get to know you.
I know for a fact, that when I dress the way I feel like it, and i mean like the way lazy justine wants to dress, and i go out, not one person looks or talks to me, but when i dress the way i should dress, which is actually usually the right thing to do, but ill be honest i like to add in a lil extra sum sum as a crowd pleaser (omg im kidding im not a whore), but yea when i dress nice, i get looks, and sometimes someone will approach me.
Its like the first day of school, everyone at abbott wore their greatest outfits and you could tell they looked confident and good about themselves and like they can "rule the world" or whatever, but give it a while, they wont try so hard cause its school, not downtown.

thing number two is something im guna regret saying i think.
its about the title itself, and what the substance is, and how i can bet it caught at least 1 out of the two people who ever read my blog ;)
so im in a radio class and we gotta ask the "public of john abbott" about a question and they gotta give a good answer.. nd btw, i WILL be on the radio, ill write it on my facebook or something when its going to be.
but anyways, me and my two fellow male groupmembers had to come up with an idea of a question that is interesting enough that people wont fall asleep listening to the answers. so of course, we chose sex as our topic. our question was : Personally, is it important for you to be or not to be a virgin and why?
now, you would assume right away that people made jokes out of the answers, but besides one guy who litterally said "i dont go to a club to find a virgin, i go there to find the dirtiest whore there is", nobody was all stupid and immature about it. unfortunately, we didnt get a ton of truth, cause people are too embarrassed to say how they feel "it doesnt matter" was a big one.
but a few people said it, one guy said "i dont care if shes a virgin, but im not right now, and i cant be a virgin, ive been wanting to lose it since i was 16 so i cant be a virgin".
honestly, sex is effin exhileratingly great, and its fun to do and u can try different things and theres so many things that go along with it, but im tired of it being the most important thing on peoples minds. id bet if my blog was called "the sex diaries" it would have many more readers than now. its that people these days just all wanna know so much about sex, they all wanna have it, and its like drugs to them. when i post this on facebook , im posting it as "i wrote about sum sexy" and see how many more people actually visit. im sure after the first few lines, they'll stop, but i mean i wanna know the visit count after that post.
all people care about is something sexy and hot. im done with it, i wanna be cute and funny and fun to be with. i mean duh i wanna be sexy and hot, but not all the time.  im done with people only thinking someone else is interesting because of something sexual. im done with people wanting to know about what i want and who ive done and all that shit . if i wanna tell you i will, but i gotta be close with you.

so thats me, ranting about lifes stupidities and difficulties, and im tired as balls so im not going to edit and reread before i publish. hopefully this isnt as bad as i feel like it is right now.
goodnight bizznatches,

ps: im in love.

what a feeling

so cejep is good, i made friends and kept my old friends, and im happy. tell me thats possible right?
i usually get on here to complain or to explain something ive learnt, which knowing me, this will turn into that kind of thing, but i dont know about much right now. i think that i just want to write more, i wanna make sure ive still got some unwritten words that i wanna put down on paper.
i think that whats really going through my mind is the word love. im not guna go all crazy and talk about the emotion and all that, but i think im purely thinking about when people say it.
like a guy i know said he refuses to say it first, even if he feels it, cause of course hes scared. i also know girls who dont want to say it first cause theyre scared.
i really think that if u feel it, you should say it. if they get all weirded out, then maybe they arent right for you. i think that if someone says they love me and dont love them back yet (relationship wise) then u tell them u really like them but ur not ready for that yet. if someone really likes you, they wont judge you for saying the big L word.. i think what every person wants is to not be scared anymore to say those things.
personally, i applaude (sp?) anyone who says it, because they are putting thenselves out there, and if the other person gets all dickish about it, its cause they arent meant to be. i mean whats loving someone if they dont love you back? its easy to let go of them if you reallllyyy think about it.
if they dont love you back, than the emotions u feel are just pointless, because clearly its not mutual.
so fall in love so that u can say it.
<3

i know this was a short one, but its still there :) goodnight and goodbye

the time has come

so, the time has come to publicly announce being single. see, i didnt wanna put it at first, cause i had some hope that maybe it wasnt really over, and it was just a bit of a break cuz he wasnt sure of what he wanted. but i gotta say, its looking pretty official. and you know, ive got to learn to respect that because its what he wanted.
i think i also waited to write something cause i know myself, and i knew i would go on a rant about how hes an ass and a douche and wasnt good at kissing or whatever (he was great btw). i knew i would find every excuse in the book to prove i was better than him, and why he was a bad guy, or whatever his flaws were, or whatever he did wrong to me.
could you imagine if i did that? it wouldnt make me any better than him; sure, he made me feel like shit for breaking up with me, but really, hes allowed to, if he doesnt feel a certain way, why does he have to continue with that, just to make me happy? im glad that he did what he had to do, allthough im sad that he had to do it.
honestly, i had an amazing relationship with him. a week less than a year, and hes changed me as a person. i stopped doing things i didnt want to do anymore, i stopped being such a bad person, i started to appretiate the little things more. i even did better in school, to try and impress him cause he is so smart. also, he made me want to love, he made me want to give my love away so that i can feel a bond with a person ive never experienced.
ill explain how he helped me love. i never trusted guys that much, (no offence guys), because ive been used quite a bit in the past. so especially when i met this amazing guy whos goodlooking and nice and tall, i was right away attracted to him, and i knew that he could get a ton of girls, and through a bit of our relationship, i was scared to say "i love you" and scared to show my love because if i gave it away, its so easy to break me. he just helped me break out of that, and give my love away, and he didnt break me, even when he broke up with me, he didnt break me, he did it because it was his decision, but he deffinately didnt break me, because he did it in a way that let me down easy, and he said he felt bad and it didnt feel good to hurt me. maybe im just naive, but i have a strange feeling hes telling the truth.
i guess what i really wanted to do was not to kid myself really and pretend its not effecting me. im putting on a strong face, and unless you really know me, you wouldnt be able to tell i was even sad. but yes, it really really hurt, because i was sure things were just getting started with us, but you know, maybe this was good for me, and good for him. i have to respect his decision. i tried to fight for it, tried to fix things, but in the end it was up to him, and he decided he wanted out, and if i went around moping about it, i would just look stupid and pathetic. im going to continue my life as it was, though i do still love him.
thanks for reading, and if he ever did read this, thank you ex boyfriend, for the most amazing year of my entire life, through all the crap of highschool, and all the stupidness of the summer, you were there for me through it all, and one day, it would be nice to be friends again. i hope you accomplish whatever it is you want in life, and i wish you unconditional luck for the future. you are a great guy.

if you love something, set it free; if it comes back, its yours, if it doesnt, it never was.

allnighterbaby

what time is it? 2:58 am,
what am i doing? loafing in bed, watching "walk hard". what a great movie.
not the point though. the point is, why the fuck am i still awake? and why is my tummy makin noisessss? ouuuff its painful.

anyways, i had a dream because i fell asleep for like twenty minutes, but i wanted to tell my dream because it was weird..
so i was on a hill, and i was walking up this hill, and there were frogs everywhere, and one of them was really following me; it was talking to me in some gibberish, but i coulda sworn that it was scared or warning me. so i tuned back, but the hill was gone and i went falling for what felt like hours, then i landed on a bed of pillows and this frog was back but now speaking english, and it said: "be careful of what comes, your in danger of a knife in your throat."

then i woke up.. its freaking me out i gotta say.. so i needed to write that down and document it.
goodnight, if i fall asleep. xo

home again

wow. camp, the two month jewish prison of fun and games is over. you know, i always loved this camp of mine, and i always had fun as a camper, but i realized how muhc i LOVED being a staff this year. Honestly, the responsibilities and the independance is just amazing.

but more importantly, the new gameplan of this camp was cnfusing, for everyone. the new rules were loved, hated, rebelled, and just plain random, but of course, they are rules, and we must follow them.
Id like to congradulate myself on an amazing summer of NOT getting fired. after getting an ED (extra duty) and a warning, after getting caught doing bad things one after the other, getting fired was what should have happened, but lucky me, it wasnt.

funny how excited about coming home and not being there anymore, and my first day back i did a total of BARELY ANYTHING. im sitting here, straightener heated up to 230 so i can make myself gorgeous, and wondering what im going to do today, what am i going to do tomorrow? im bored of being home allready.

then, i think of the people who came to camp from other places, whether it be far away in canada, the US, europe or even further; what do they do when they get home? two whole months of being away from your sanctuary, how do they react? im sure they get all nervous and excited, excited to see their families and friends, but sad to leave a place they spent so long. will they remember this summer as a waste of time, or as a second-new home to come back to? thats what i sit and wonder while alone in my extremely comfy bed, with all my teddybears.

how do i unpack after such a long summer? peice by peice, day by day, i put clothes away and realize that this isnt just a day off from camp, its a whole year off from camp, and onto school i go.

thanks for the most amazing, crazy, drama filled (because im drama staff), fun, annoying, angry, funny summer of my entire life. you know who you are to al the people i care about, you helped change my life just a little bit more :)

complainer mc complainy pants ;)

so, i havnt gotten much time to write cause i been so busy being the boomest drama staff, and makin a new, amazing friend (yes thats you seb, you got a lil shoutout) and ya. so speaking of new friend seb, he told me that i complain too much here, and he has a point, besides now because i dont have much time, i always post about bad shit, so i wanna start talking about good things too, like how i roasted marshmellows for my first time last weekend, and i survived camping without getting eaten by a bear.

i think the biggest thing that i wanted to talk about was actuall camp, because im fortubate enough to reach my two goals :)
1. have a camper have a staff crush on me
2. make a campers summer
well of course the first one was reached ;) jkjk but to be quite honest, if a kid comes to you and thanks you and says that you made their summer, thats too much to ask for, thats just the thing i want to accomplish in life, but bigger. i want to change someone around, make a frown into a smile, but make it for something important. well i got that chance when a girl that was thirteen came to me with an issue that was something i went through, the bisexual stage is a weird and scary one, cause your really confused and scared, but i was lucky enough for a camper to come to me with her issue and how shes scared to tell her friends and family, and shes sure she is. i sat with her, told her my experiences and we really had a great conversation, and i really felt like i helped someone out. i dont wanna say i changed their life, nor do i wanna say i did any help because i have no idea if i did or not, but i know something got to her. getting through to someone so young going through something so scary, thats special.
this is why i came to camp. deffs not for the 600 pay im getting for the whole summer (killmepls), not for the sleeping or eating conditions, not for the disgusting bathrooms or showers. i came here to make a kids summer amazing, and i felt lile i did that.
so here is me, not complaining. life, is really good right now, and im happy that things are going well. i can successfully put a smile on my face. the only sad thing is camp is ending, and i gotta say goodbye to a friend im not ready to say goodbye to.

from the mouth of the lion, from the woman in charge, and the village idiot. hope u read hearty.

oh shoot mobileeeeeeee

lets see if this works.
so whattup bloggers. this one will deffs take long cause im in camp so bear with me if i have spelling mistakes or weird junk going on. basically im serving today but thats not the point. im a staff in drama and some kids are really grinding my gears. tell me why you sign up to do drama, and then you sit there and dont want to participate. for someone who loves drama to its full extent (me) its frustrating and its hurtful when a little kid like you walks in and says 'drama is gaaaay'... well why did you sign up if its so 'gay' and stupid? there are other kids here who love it and are into it and participating and having fun, but your just sitting there on the side making our jobs as staff harder because now we have to entertain your stupid ass who signed up for something you wont even try to do. i know its not easy having to do activities all day and its hot outside and youre tired and hungry.. i was a camper once too you know, but i mean its not only about you sitting around that angers us, i mean have fun do whatever you want. but its actually hurtful that we try so hard to make a fun activity and plan out a whole day to find that none of you want to take part in it. its really just plain hurtful to us.

onto the next issue of venting.
i get paid; granted its a really low and shitty pay, its still money. i get paid to do a job. i was hired to be a drama staff (i get that u needed help serving thats no biggie) but i am NOT a camper. campers dont get paid, campers dont have nights out and days off. campers dont come to precamp and have responsibilities. people have to stop babying us and treating us like campers, because we really arent.. chances are we as a unit (granted others are immature ass holes that im not going to talk about because then ill just get mad) are waaayyy more mature than some of the staff up to five years older than us. i can guarantee you that i am more responsible and mature abd prepared than half the staff at this place. so please when you make an announcement, say 'all staff' dobt say 'all staff and jcs' cause, we are staff.

thats all for now.. oh wait
TONIGHT IM ON DAY OFFFFFFFF!
write back soon bizz.
jus

prom night numero dos

i feel like i tell you guys too much, yet not enough. i mean, the shit i say over the internet is probably TMI, but you know, i never really cared that much. so i guess im more writing this for my mom, and all the people who care about me (and they worry) and yes, i DO want to write it in public, so its something "formal", and there are probably more witnesses.
let me start off with a little story. its about a girl named justine who used to smoke way more than she should have. and the people who loved her worried, and however it got there, my mom (luv yah mummaaaa) found out about it while i was away in europe. the obvious "big talk" and "grounded" were bound to happen, and i accepted that well because i knew it was the legitly fair punishment, even though it kinda sucked. after long talks with my two great friends and my boy, i decided to stop doing it, because i dont need to ruin perfectly good relationships with the people I care about, on account of a few hours of being high.
heres where it gets interesting. (all names will be left out because it's not fair to them) im invited to a party on victoria day weekend, and i BEGGGGGGGG my mom to let me go "I WONT DRINK, [person's name here] WONT DRINK I PROMISE" and all that. and maybe it was because my mum was excersizing and on the phone and watching tv that changed her mind, but she put her trust in me and let me go to said "party". Almost a full bottle of Captain Morgan and two beers later, i was way past the "i wont drink" phase, and everyone else was also drinking, so nobody realized i had drank a little too much..
you know the expression "praying to the porceline god" ? well people, i became religious to toilettes, plastic bags, myself, and large bowls that night, and the next two days weren't a walk in the park either. basically, i hit the limit of no return.. and that scared the people who cared.

now, i know im saying it now "ill never drink again" but i'm bound to do so one day. i think i basically needed to write this so i can embarrass myself infront of the internet, tell everyone about that night that i will NEVER forget. honestly, drinking can be fun, but only when its responsible drinking. lol i'm a parent ARE YOU PROUD MOMMY!?

i wanted to write this out so i can have it with me forever, i mean thats why i wrote my blog in the first place. to prove to myself that all of my belifs, and everyone elses, can be changed if we look at it from different angles. you can say that justine shouldnt be trusted at afterprom look what she did last time she was trusted ahhhhh shes an alchoholic or you can say she learnt her lesson after the shit she went through (i swear to god it was TERRIBLE) and you can even say she spent nineteen days in europe, and was a responsible kid. she didnt get grounded or crazy drunk or do anything stupid for that matter. thats why i write, to change the angle of things, because there are so many positive and negative ways to look at a situation, and ive always been the "glass half full" kinda girl, so i try to learn from it. and i did learn from it I can tell you that.

i guess this is really, mostly for my mom. shes really worried about me and alex, and i want to reasure her that im still her baby girl, but i am growing up, learning from my great and shitty experiences. i once heard a quote "when things don't go your way and you fail, its called an experience". I know you're putting all of your trust in me and alex tonight, and i promise to you, in writing, in PUBLIC, that i wont let you down.
Mum, thanks for believing in me tonight, and for taking care of me all these years.

now, i would continue, but i gotta get ready for WIC prom, so with all the love in the world to everyone i care about and everyone who cares about me; i vow to make you proud and be the best me i can be :)
from the comfy bed itself, all full of makeup and junk,
love, squishes, and big wet kisses,
jus

freedom

FREEEEEDDDOOOOOOMMMMMM..
not rly actually. i was flipping shit that im free and im done high school, and then i realized, sitting in my living room, watching the MMVA's and on my comp, that im actually alone, doing three technologies and being extremely unsocial. dude, im leaving to camp on sunday... and i wont be free then either. dude im ALONE right now, like fml you know? im done school, and im celebrating by being alone. no drinking (not that i even want to) and no partying (not that i was even invited) and nothing. is this freedom? being alone and sitting around? cause then, freedom is super crummy.

well, thats basically it. im not sure when ill be posting next, because of camp. but ill try.
BYEEEEEEEE

prom prom prom

so anyways, prom happened. and i have to appologize to the world.
it was honestly such a special night and i told everyone it would suck so ya i lied a little.
the thing is, when i went last year, i barely knew anyone, and it was just like BLEHHHH.
and what made my prom special was the people i spent it with, and i gotta say, these people are amazing.
i gotta shoutout my two best boys , alex's. because honestly that was the upbeat of my prom.
alex, you are the greatest boyfriend evaah, and as lame as getting all dressed up is, you made me feel really pretty and happy. we rocked riverdale i swear.
BEANY <3, not only wil i cherish the moments we walked in the "drizzle" outside together, but you will always be my number one, and you're honestly the most amazing friend a girl could ever want. we sat under that gazebo and i realized that this friendship isnt allowed ending because i love you wayyy to much to end it.

but prom is super gay i gotta say.
i mean its fun seeing everyone dress up, all the girls with the highest heels and then taking them off to dance cause that shit hurt (it was BAD). and just making fun of everyone because its too funny to see everyone like this, when your so used to the whole riverdale uniform.
the reason prom was special and "magical" was because of one moment. not even my own moment, just a moment in time where i realized just about how much goes on behind the scenes. behind the mountains of makeup and the expensive wear, behind the shit talking and the laughter and all the craziness that happens.. theres a love story, there is always a stupid love story.

i sat under that gazebo with alex , and we see two people talking (i wont name them, because im sure they were far away from everyone for a reason), and we turn around at one point, and they're dancing. two of the most random people that you would never expect, are up there dancing to no music. they're just dancing, and holding eachother.. and that my friends, thats your super cheesy, prince charming, totally movie style "magical" prom night. although this wasn't my "magic", i still felt it, and couldnt help but smile, because i knew that someone in my grade's night was made, just by those couple of minutes she spent dancing with this one guy, that clearly meant a lot to her.

and that is the magic of prom. yes, its superficial and totally pointless, but extremely magical and full of life.

love, jus's soft side.

-oh and if you were wondering, heres my magic moment:

its like im the idea monster

i know i like JUST posted, but i had the idea and BLAH..

sometimes, i make the worlds UGLIEST face, just because its funny, and i take a picture of it on my webcam. i do have a folder full of ugly pictures its great. and whenever i feel bad about myself, i look at the pictures, and i thank god that i dont look like that.

so yap. appretiate shit.

interesting news.

i just found out we can post pictures and videos on this bizz. thats messed up. im excited :)

zomigawsh highschoooooooooool

so anyways bitchez,
HIGH SCHOOL IS OVAHH :):):):):)
well i mean i gots four more exams, but school is done and i am psyched, like REALLLLLYYY psyched. well if you follow my blog you would know how excited I am for everythinggggggggggggggggggggggg to be over. really ive never realized how excited i would be until the day of, and when it came, i was sad, to be honest, because of all my friends and all my teachers that i will miss. it was really a slap in the face, because ALTHOUGH I DIDNT CRY (woo), i was quite emotional, i was really sad to be leaving..
then, i get home and i sit on facebook (i am a teenager, facebook is our thing) and i look down my tiny friendslist of like 140something people.. i realize that theres no reason to be sad.. because its really not a goodbye. well it is, to the people i wont ever talk to again.. but its funny how we write in eachothers yearbooks how we'll miss eachother, good luck with the future, and all that jazz, it seems like its so conformist and so cookie cutter to say those things. im sure i wont miss that random dude i spoke to twice for an answer to a question in grade nine, so why am i writing/saying that, and why are we crying, giving this kid a hug?
because its routine. thats the routine that were so used to, the seating arangement, the teachers, the lockers, the hallways and the surroundings. the shit that we call "school" and you may call you're home away from home because of all the friends you had and shit.
well fuck routine, since when was i someone who followed rules, routines, junk like that. honestly, why the heck am i going to miss you? i really think that besides not seeing someone you care about for a little while, the word MISS makes zero sense. im not going to miss anyone from riverdale.. the people who are miss worthy, i am totally going to SEE in the future. i wish you no luck with your future, because I'm going to be a part of it. i dont hope you have a good summer, because i know you will, because i know you guys so well that i know how great you guys are.

see the difference between highschool and cejep (spelling?) is the buildings, and the teachers, and the things you learn. the people are really all the same to me, because the people worth seeing are the people i will see. so everyone has to stop crying, cause the only thing you're missing is routine.. you cant miss the people you're going to take the effort to see, and you cant miss the people you'll never see again, cause why the fuck do you miss them if u never want to see them?
it sucks the end of the routine, but i mean, thats life. and things will always change, people and place will always change, but if you really dig deep, would you rather stick to routine and be in highschool forever, or continue on, and make your own routine to your own life?

boom

bleugh is the sound of the day

why havn't i written this yet? why, i was sick, and i was in a teensy bit of trouble.
let me just say, enough is enough, but when do i know what enough is?
its tough to know, but ive learnt to get up, have some water, and see how i feel.
praying to the procelin god, for hours is really no fun at all. specially when it goes on all night and the next day. this gave new deffinition to the word hungover because i hung over my bed, into a bowl, and sang to the top of my lungs, with a burning throat and an empty stomach.
let me tell you.. the movies make this look so much less excrushiatingly irritating and painful. it was honestly, HELL.
i ate soup and toast yesterday, and a few chips. let me tell you, water was my best friend. so was my bed, and my bowl for puke.

so guys, its fun to be a little crazy, but when it comes to the extent that i had it, i think you'll get what i mean when i tell you, i said the words im never drinking again at least twenty five times.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR MOUTH.
because its coming out, either from the bottom, or from the top.
and you're embarrassed, sick, in pain, and just plain sad. <3

sudden realization

so, school has sucked this year for me, but you allready know that if you've been reading. BUT what you don't know, is that i've been lying. (omg so coincidental, as i typed : ive been lying, im listening to bye bye boyfried , fefe dobson, and she said ive been lying, when i was tping it. SHUT UP IT WAS COOL)

so as i was saying, i did lie to all of you. school was amazing. i got really great marks, had great teachers, barely any homework, so SCHOOL, was amazing. now my social life, that was a disaster. but really, it wasnt all that bad. i mean it was really a group of pathetic, low lifes that just wanted to ruin mine. and yes, they did a pretty good job of it.. but i mean, i think im pretty well off. i have a extremely sexy boyfriend, a couple of AMAZING friends outside of school, and sadly for me, i relized too late that i had amazing friends in school as well. so my sudden realization, is more of a thank you..

thank you to alex, my amazing boyfriend, for listening to me vent for hours and hours about the bullshit that goes on in school, and for convincing me that you would beat them up for me, even though you wont cause its beneath you, nd ur too sweet to hut anyone. i friggen love you <3

thank you to beany (other alex), who is by far the WORST "gay bes friend" stereotype, but the most amazin friend in for reals. for making me laugh, threatening any guys who hurt me that ull have their balls in a ziplock bag, and for being real with me, and not just trying to make me feel better. the truth my hurt, but a slap in the face is usually what i need. i lurve mybig bro <3

thank you to jess (dokis) for being my "inside man" jkjk, and for sticking up for me even if it looked a little bad on her. for being the one who stole ALL the guys ;) and for being like my twin. i dont think i would be the same person if i hadnt obsessed ovr you in grade seven and bought you a watch for your birthday. jtm bub

thank you to jess (itzco) for being the prettier one. ;) honestly, we were FORCED to be friends, and it never worked, then give us a summer and all the sudden were SBS'ing and were just going a little nuts. although i don't see you enough, i wish i could see you everyday (which i could were like 10 minute neighbours) and i dont say this enough, buit i really appretate how forgiving and how much you wnt to help me out of all my pickles. iluvyu

last but not least, thank you jordana for teaching me that u dont gotta go crazy to have fun. we can get HIGH off of horton hears a who, and stupid shit like that. your honestly like a sister to me, and weve been through so much together. you saythat you can't live without me, cause i've helped you through your bubble, but you've helped me establish that its okay to have a bubble, and nobody needs to know EVERYTHING. your honestly the biggest sweety pie, and your my lil jew <3 ilysfm

of course, thank to my family, but bleh.
so my realization is that, i have 5 days left of school, two weeks of exams, two proms, and then im done, im GONE, forever. so really, theres no point sweating the small stuff anymore, because its so ... small. i mean im going to a bigger and better place (no, not heaven) ; CEGEP!!!!

from the desk of justine erin frankel, i wish i knew this when i started this year, because then woulda been happier nd perfect. but when is perfection ever fun? xo

what really bothers me

i told you about that friend that im no longer friends with.. well, its bothering me
so i deleted the guy off of facebook, and we arent talking at all.
first of all, he hasnt spoken to be since before my party (april 30th) and not even to say happy birthday. and of course, when i deleted him there was no attempt to fix things. although to some extent, i didnt want him to try and fix it, it hurts me deeply that he didnt even try. i mean the kid and i have been best friends for over a year, and all the sudden, i stop talking to him because he has let me down, hurt me, igore me and make me feel like complete shit; and he completely ignored me.. so that proves that he never really cared about me, because he isnt even trying to win this friendship back. and that is whats bothering me, because hes out there, forgot about the situation, doesnt care nor is he suffering, when im sitting in here bothered out of my mind. he clearly idnt give a crap and nevr will, but why do I need to suffer when i did what was right for myself.. and why if i did the right thing, do i still continue to feel like shit about myself?

life is unfair, wanna help ? pls. because my other friends said i did the right thing, and the feeling will pass, but it hasn't passed, and its so difficult to forget about someone you care so much about, oh and seeing them on your news feed, and their best friend on msn, NOT EASY.

issues are issues, and friends are friends, but when one of em ends, its hard to deal with.
so, ive never asked for advice, and i dont know what im getting myself into, but
if anyone has any advice, you know where to find me: justineerinfrankel@hotmail.com

frenemies

sup blognerds and followers of the world
i've had an issue resolved.
stupid friends are dumb, got it?
let me just tell you, if you're a girl, and a guy likes you, and you dont like him back, DON'T become his best friend, and expect everything to be okay.. things will deffinately become worse for you. because of his like, he will become you everything. honestly, y'all will be attached, best friends, change-your-facebook-name-and-be-siblings kind of friends.
then, once he gets over you, theres no reason to be your friend anymore, and as much as he cares about you, or wants to care about you, he has to face the fact that he doesnt, but you of course still care about him because you guys are BESTIES. but the problem is, your friendship was based on his crush on you, on your not supposed to be sad, but of course, you're basically depressed cause all you want is to stay friends with this guy who honestly, is done with you, and onto another person.
i shouldnt be surprised, my mom warned me that this would happen, and i was all "nah mum thats not going to happen" but then he misses your birthday, misses your plans and misses talking to you. don't set yourself up for that dissapointment, no matter how tempting the best friendship is at first.
the problem is, your the one whos kidding theirself. you think that you really got to them, but guys are guys, and no matter what, they like you, you're their everything, and when they don't like you, you're kind of a side friend. only if they NEED you, you'll get attention.
You become friends with them because nobody else gives you attention like this, your so happy, and then you're the one who ends up attached, and getting hurt in the end, thinking it'll work.

girls can be friends with guys, i totally back up that theory, but 99% of the time, someone will get hurt, and its usually the both of them.

ciao boes.
oh and follow me on twitter: @JayyFranks

european men are hairy

going to europe. fina-fucking-ly. o and i havn't blogged in like a million kagillion years. its funny, cause im still with the same old guy (seven months strong) and still at the same old school (i hate people still no worries) and have the same old dramatic issues. its like every day is a routine. i guess thats why im so excited to get the fudge out of here, because its finally going to be different, somewhere new, something thats out of my daily routine. an experience, if you wanna give it a name. y'know. i love being alive, but i hate not being dead. its hard to live being me, and thats not in the "ohmygawd im so great its hard to be me" way, or in the "my life stinks everyone sucks i cut myself its so hard to be me" way. its in the "what the heck am i doing with myself and why can't i catch a break, its hard to be me" way. i want to be myself, but i want to be what other people like. i hate not being social, so ive been trying to tone down on the JUSTINE IN YOUR FAYCE-ness. its tough, but i mean, such is life. you dont need to change yourself for other people, but you do need to tweak yourself if you want to be social. honey, i will never change, but i am a little more mature (when i need to be) and appropriate (when i need to be). the only thing im missing is a litle excitement. well hello hairy men, accents and good food, im going to europe in two friggen days. imagine, in 48hours ill be at an airport, waiting to get my boarding pass and say goodbye. da fuck !? anyways , im out. love and rockets.

"love"

sudden realization much?

i just realized, that ive been trying to get one of my friends to start talking to me again, but i dotn want to talk to them first, cause then they win (even though they dont know about the game were playing). i know, im a girl

but really.. maybe they just DONT like me, you know? i have people that i just dont like, and i dont "avoid them", but like i try not to make a huge conversation with them.. and i just realized, i'd bet this guy, who used to be like.. my brother fuck, just.... doesnt enjoy me. cause he never talks to me, he only calls when im with someone he wants to talk to, and he doesnt actually miss me or have time for me.

my mom always said, if you're important enough to someone, they'll find the time for you, because you're a priority to them.

well i guess im not a priority to him, and i always knew i wasnt, but clearly the guy just doesn't like me. and that sucks, but i guess thats life.

i also realized that i have to stop saying i love people. the word love has no meaning anymore. actually, in my vocab, the words love favorite best friend dont exist.

hes not my best friend, nor do i "love" him in any way. jeez.

i have to stop saying that someone is like my brother (or sister to be politically correct). i have to stop saying that they are like my best friend and i love them. its ridiculous. i can easily name my best friends right now, with letters obvs.

BJJJAS

everyone else is a really good friend, a friend, or nothing at all.

honestly, i can say i love the people on that list.

i wanna say that i love my other friends, cause in a sense i love my friends, but i dont really LOVE them, but i love them. its tough to explain , but you all do it too, so stfu.

anyways. thats my big typing orgasm of today..

actually not of today cause this is my third post today.

ah.

k bye

ha

imagine people actually read my blog? ha.

oucherfuck

so i need a root canal.

key word: pain?

fuck yes. my left side of my mouth is like... siring with pain all over.

anyways. so the list went on.

no more soda sweets sugars chocolates salts & junk

fml right?

well its not all that bad. i mean i can still have my beloved starches, my sunflower seeds (new fetish) and my juice. oh and of course the best part, i can still drink V8 and not be yelled at.

could you even imagine life without v8? i couldn't.

then i got all soft, because one of those comercials with all of the black kids happened (not being racist)

meet alex. alex is only 10 years old but has to take care of his three younger siblings for his parents aren't alive anymore. he often misses meals and is too young to have to do this alone. But you and your family can help children like alex all around the world.

and i actually got to thinking. that maybe my root canaled pain-filled tooth is trying to save me. I mean really, my gluttony has always gotten the best of me, and i have gained a few liters lately.

imagine being like "alex"? i really was thinking about it as my nerve in my molar or canine or whatever was throbbing. i though, maybe its smarter if i eat some healthier shit. i mean my life could be so much worse. and i obviously dont want to go through this bull again.. right?

presto, a new child is born inside of me.

now if only i could fucking live until december 10th when i get the root canal. that would be a miracle.

the moral of the story is to eat healthy, dont take advantage, and FUCKING FLOSS. or you'll end up crying every time u drink/ eat anything and it hits that tooth,. and taking like five tylenol a night for pain.

thats all for now.

from the desk itself, wearing a robe cause i just showered,

jussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

peace in.. dont hear that often eh big guy?

I've found my solution to life.

We gotta bring the peace in.

why do people say "peace out" when they say goodbye to someone?

Why do we fight so much.

Its all about being comfortable with ourselves. I finally get it, and writing about it makes me all the more sure how true it might be.

Why do we fight? as a defense.

Why do we defend? to protect ourselves.

we want to be right, we dont want to look bad. why not? idgaf if i look like an idiot. If im wrong, then im wrong. why must we try so hard to make someone else join us? why is it called an opinion if were not alowed to have our own? why is it called personal if its just someone elses idea?

honestly, thats why I write, to find my own opinion and inner peace. it all makes sense to me now, that if you let someone shove their ideaoligy and opinion down your clogged up throat and let it touch your brain and heart, than your nothing. you are not opinionated, cause its not yours. its ridiculous how people let that happen. thats why people fight, and people are sad. people are sad because they feel either unloved, unheard or unappretiated. well. start to fucking appretiate yourself and fucking love yourself and listen to yourself. we dont need anyone else to accept ourselves.

thats why im such a loser at school. cause i dont fucking accept my own opinions and myself the way I am. I just hope to be accepted and stand all my insecure little fucking self being a little gay fucking loser.

NO! im not letting that shit change me anymore.

i say fuck the world.

and thats all i gotta say about that.

you have friends, you have enemies. thats life.

live with it, or fucking kill yourself.

igght pce in.

been a while much?

wow. live has its new curves.

key word: curvy?

no but really. I havn't written in practically a decade. I've been busy jeez dont pressure me.

anyways. life is silly now. joking its ... well how can i put this...

HELL&HEAVEN&CONFUSION&WHAAAATT!?

so yea. heres how I can explain it:

HELL: so school totally sucks balls. I can't walk around without being thrown with a new insult. I can't feel right, walking around the halls. I avoid, I am alone.

oh and im a horrible sleeper, I'm losing some friends, and people suck.

HEAVEN: im kinda in love with this guy alex. i know ew, havn't i learnt better than to be falling in love and shit? well to fucking bad. I'm like obsessed with the guy. whatever more on that shtuff lates.

CONFUSION: like wtf am I doing? i dont understand what im doing every day. and im thinking more deeply into my life to try and understand what its about and why im alive and whaaaatttt!

WHAAAAAAAT!?: idgaf. im on twitter now

search: JayyFranks

..i think thats my twitter, who da fuck knows .

well. thats me right nao.

ill write back soon.

i gotta pee.

BIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

ive never had much respect for people with regrets.

not the "i regret drinking that much" or the "i regret not studying for that test", but like the life regrets. i used to say that i regretted things i had done that had changed everything, like a person i meet, a person i "hook up" with, a person i date, someone i hurt or someone i loved.

i dont respect people with regrets because if you regret something that changes your life, you are pretty much saying you regret your life today.

sure, i wish i hadn't done certain things i did, but i sure as hell dont regret them. i can look at myself today. I am a writer, i express myself, im not afraid to show my emotions, im not afraid to be myself, and i can finally stick up for myself against losers that are fake and shouldnt matter to me.

You know, ive been hurt, ive been used, i was bulimic, i was almost depressed, i smoked to make myself happy, and i cried my eyes out for the ones i loved, but that makes me who i am today, and i dont regret who i am, cause all that shit that got me here were just little bumps in the road, and made me a stronger person.

i dont regret life, i dont regret decisions, and i most of all would never regret love. because without it, we are absolutely nothing. without love, theres greed and hatred. and we dont need that again.

(;

capitalism at its greatest.

soz, i was on this site and there was this question and answer thing that this guy answered, and i had some thought on it that i felt i should share :)

Q: If you could change anything in the world, what would it be and why?

A: I'd change the face that our country is dependent on foreign labor which would open new jobs in the USA for Americans to do which in turn would probably lower poverty rates.

yes, i felt something strong about it. i really admire that he answered that. the problem is that americans (no offense) have learnt to be like this and not work very much to get what they want. they are a capitalist society so if the rich people are getting what they want for a good price, thus making them richer, they have no reason to care what happens to the people below them, the poor people, because they're happy, creating poverty. if the people on top would become more socialist (which wont happen very easily) then they would care a bit about their society and not just themselves, and they would deffs contribute to helping reduce poverty. but unfortunately since politicians and rich people are almost like best friends. the rich politicians are payed and make rules that are in favor of the richer people, thus making the rich richer, and the poor poorer.

its a tough world to face, but people have just grown up to get what they want, not caring about the people they hurt to get it. thats how the great depression started; by greed, and i can honestly say that since this recent recession, there is a possibility of another depression coming because of the greed and the over consumption of not only the US, but around the world.

sadly, there's not much that can be done to change it because even i wont stop buying things "made in china" because they are things i want, no matter who makes them. maybe next time try to buy safer, and more locally.

but thats just what i think (;

its a cling thing

havnt written in a while, i guess the mood was gone.

you know, my mood has been quite neutral i guess. ive been spending so much time dreaming of this fantasy world, when im supposed to be this down to earth girl who knows what she can get and who knows who she is.

i know who i am i guess, but maybe its just hard to admit who i am. maybe its hard to admit what i want.. i dont know whats been inside me, but its like a bug thats just eating my insides and wont go away.

i know im young, but i want love. like i really want to feel something with someone. i dont want to look for it, because then thats being desperate, and im not desperate. im just so tired of all these guys out there that think they know what they want but in truth they know nothing. i wish there was a guy who was, well who was as clingy as i am. yea im clingy. i like to talk to the person im with at least twice a day (good morning and good night) , and id like to see the person im dating at least once a week. is that so hard to understand? oh and i miss someone when im not with them. im sorry if thats such a crime to all these guys in the world, but wether they like it or not, a girl is going to miss you if they are dating you.

girls are complicated, ill tell you that. BUT we arent hard to understand. When we ask you what were thinking, we just want to know. When we tell you we miss you, you dont have to say it back, but it would be nice. When we ask you a question, we dont want a lie. its really not that big of a request. and when some stupid asshole comes into our lives and by fluke we fall for what we think he is, we actually want to be friends sometimes even though they hurt us so much, BECAUSE WERE ACTUALLY NICE.

like all these stupid people in the world that dont understand what it takes to be in a stable relationship are just going to fail in it. its not that much of a challenge. just be honest, talk to the person, and actually show a little compassion once in a while.

oh and have the dignity to break up with us in person. its embarrassing when you do it any other way.

sorry for complaining. im just angry.

pce,

jus.

;D

god its been a while.

xox- glad to be back.

jus.

openly dumb.

people who are open about being perverted.

i mean everyone is a perv to their own extent, but those people who litterally only talk to you to get stuff out of you, and are open bout it? its just wrong and stupid.

i guess i can respect people who are honest, but at least try to be a little bit nice to me before asking me to flash you on webcam.. and the funny part is the fact that I really wont do it if thats all you want, (i wont do it in any situation, but thats not the point).

i dont want to meet you and have the first thing you say is 'show me ____' (fill in the blank). because i dont even know you. why dont you try to get to know me? maybe im this super amazing person, and you might like me a lot if you got the time to maybe know me before you try to get with me, via webcam or even in person.

and if its via webcam, the question that i guess will always remain un-answered is; why not watch porn if you REALLY want to see this stuff? i mean like the girls there will do anything you really want, but you choose to ask a random girl for it? its extremely dumb, and maybe before a guy like that asks to see stuff on a girl, they can think of watching porn first, because its probably much more satisfying.

ill never understand guys, and ill never understand the way that they get girls to do things like that by being a rude, obnoxious asshole, but i guess if its working for them, then why stop?

what i think should happen is that girls should start realizing that they want a nice guy who will respect them, and then ditch the assholes, and then the assholes will realize what they're doing is dumb and wrong, and then become a little bit nicer.

and girls, start to respect yourself a little bit more. you deserve a good guy who will treat you right. you dont need to show off yourself to the world to get the love and the admiration you want. start noticing that you can become admired by admiring yourself. these guys dont love you. they love your body and they love what your giving them. they'll tell you they love you, but they really dont, like at all. sorry , but its the honest truth.

btw, its good to be back to writing :) xox.

jus.

never was and never will be.

Go all the way ?

No regrets ?

I don't regret the past few years.

Because I learnt from them.

But if I could take it all back, I would.

I regret loving you. I regret trying to impress you.

I will never try for you.

I will never kiss or touch you again.

You don't care about me.

You just cant get any other piece of ass.

You just want me. sadly, I don't want you.

Your a sad, pathetic excuse for a man.

Your not even a man. Your a little boy.

One with hormones, but I can't please you, nor do I want to.

I would have rather been your friend.

I wished you were more mature.

If you were a mature person, you'd be a friend.

You tell me, nay, convince me that you cant stay away.

Thats because I kept going back to you.

And thats why were done.

Something about me makes you go nuts?

I'll teach you how to control it.

Grow a pair of your own before trying to fuck up someone else.

Your not mister perfect.

Your not even close.

Your cute face and amazing eyes don't work on me anymore.

I used to think I loved you.

But I never really did.

I always thought so, but I was, and always will be, that dumb.

I lusted you.

I wanted you to love me, for real.

But you never did, and for that I am thankful.

You want me so bad.

You'll go all the way.

Unfortunately for you, its over.

Goodbye loser, Goodbye loafer, Goodbye pain, Goodbye hell.

Hello life.

friends can be regained.

i love the guy i wrote that last blog about..

crazy eh?

hes like, my altime best friend, and we fight a lot, and we used to fight a lot more,

but, sadly. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . we got into a bigger one,

and what i said back then, still feels the same, but you know.. hes different.

forgive and forget babes. :)

writteeee soooonn ?

oh i will darlings :)

acceptance

if you can't accept me for who i am, then you cant accept me at all.

dont ask me to change, dont ask me to tweak myself, because I am who I am, and usually, the better people in life learn to live with the flaws i have because the good of me overpowers the bad.

I can admit it; I'm stubborn at times, and I get easily aggravated at the littlest things. I get emotional fast and I can be a bit of a downer. Im annoying, and a bit of a freak, but thats who I am.

you cant tell me to change myself, and you cant tell me that I have serious problems, when clearly, the one with the problems is you. you have a serious problem with who I am.. and thats not right. if your so mad and so pushed back about how i am, then dont try to change me, just leave.

Plus, if you dont like me, and you dont accept me, why would I even want your acceptance? Your clearly looking to accept someone else, because if you wanted to accept me so much, you would; flaws and all. You want to accept and be friends with someone thats less annoying? then find that person, because sadly, thats not who I am, and im not about to change who I am for someone like you.

And you know what? If you dont accept me for who I am, I sure as hell dont accept you for who you are right now, because who you are is someone who is a jerk for trying to change me.

You said you wont accept me until i change?

Well, you'll be waiting a long long long time for that one; Im not about to change anytime soon.

v i p puuhhleeeaassseee !

exclusive girl here.

only kidding.

haha?

allright. so the other day, a friend told me that i should be less 'say yes to everyone' and more, 'only going to say yes to very certain people'. I said to them, thats not how i am! i mean, im an individual who doesnt like to reject, and who doesnt like saying no, in some cases obviously i have to say no, but why is it wrong to say yes too much?

its because i could get so easily hurt by the amount of people i let into my life, and the amount of people i trust. I used to trust everyone.. ive condenced my trust list a bit since then, yet i still find out that people take advantage of that.

i guess i could start to say no to people more often, but who likes to see a sad or dissapointed face? thats my problem, im too nice. sure, i can be a huge bitch, but when it comes to myself, im too nice, because i let people walk all over me, yet i still forgive them. I wish i wasnt forgiving, but i am. that could be a good thing, but why cant i learn to just say no?

its becuse i hate seeing people sad, and i just want to be friends with everyone. and also, i dont like to dissapoint people. if someone says that they dont like me, then i let it go. why try and impress someone if they dont like you?

im right for doing that right? i didnt do anything wrong. its a win/win. I dont have to deal with trying so hard, and they dont have to deal with me. i think thats fair, and i also know inside that they missed out on a good friendship.

so why are we so precise about who our friends are?

why dont people start to explore other groups of people they never thought they could be friends with? you could be surprised.. i know i've been surprised.

i guess its just that we have to learn that theres more people out there. and sure, i say yes to being anyones friend, but at least i try.. and id rather be hurt and learn from that then never open myself up to anyone at all.

aurevoirr (:

little love never hurt

i wish i was a narcissist.

i wish i admired myself in the mirror every day, no matter how bad i looked.

i wish i was able to tell myself that i am amazing and that nobody could change me.

i wish i could look at myself and say that im beautiful and that nobody can tell me otherwise.

sadly, i cant do that, and thats what i have to deal with.

its funny, because i used to be able to let any insult slide, and even though i was always sensitive, it was towards others, and anything that anyone said, didnt matter, because i had an amazing self confidence and that stuff never mattered.

then, when i hit high school, the people got meaner, and much more mature. i had always been very immature and i still am, and i was bad with first impressions and i didnt have control over myself and what i did and said.

i realized that people called me weird in a bad way. people didn't want to associate with me because i was immature and strange, so i changed myself..

i remember when insults never hurt me, and i miss that part of me.

i remember when recently i had a terribly low self esteem, and i would hate myself for reasons even i didnt know or understand. i just knew i wasnt fit out for this world, and nobody wanted me here anyways.

its funny how one can experience so much and survive it. no, i didnt have a cancer or something majour and extreme, but the little things piled up into bigger things, and i feel like a true survivor right now for still enduring them.

now, i dont mind being insulted very much. i know that certain people just arn't worth the trouble of feeling bad for myself. i love myself, but i still get effected by the people around me.

i think that everyone is immature and childish. people are pigs sometimes, and they dont care about anyone but themselves, but i guess its good to be selfish sometimes, because then you develop a sence of love for yourself.

My name is justine frankel, and i think i love myself.

i think im pretty. i think that im funny. i think im a good friend, and allthough i can have a big mouth sometimes, i can keep a secret really well. i am a bit of a freak and i get overly excited sometimes, but i can keep my cool when i need to. i can be really sensitive and i cry a bunch. I love a lot, but i hate when people i love hurt me, all of the others mean nothing to me, because they dont love themselves enough to be nicer to others.

we should all learn to love a little.

grow a pair, and while your at it, grow a brain too

thats just fucked up.

some fucker. just seriously. oh wow.

i cant even fucking believe it.

some dumb ass hole who obviously has my number decided to write it on a bus, and wrote to text it cause apparently i offer 'sexual activity'..

who the fuck does that?

like oh wow. im just so.. disgusted in people right now.

someone texts me and says; who is this?

i answer, urm, whos this?

they say; i found your number in my room.. so i was wondering

and i say; oh well its justine, who is this?

and they say; someone wrote your name in the bus, saying your giving sexual acitvity.

and i FLIIIPPPP!!!

and then they ask if i want them to take it off.. and i said yes.. and after thanking them a million times, i still wanted to puke.

i hear that everyone does it.

well they shouldnt, and it doesnt make it okay..

its not even just that. the respect people have for eachother is just horrible. im so revolted by the way we treat eachother. its just dumb. one day, someones going to do it back to you.

i believe in karma.

and shes a slutty little bitch, and shell get you.

i dont know why people are like this.

it gets on my nerves.

you get on my nerves.

fuck you. thats all i can say to people like you who do things like this.

just.. go die. i know its not very nice to say.. but if you can write on busses, then i can write on blogs. their both public. the bus isnt nexessarily permanent, but since im not saying any names, neither is the blog.

you should just reconsider what you say about other people.

because i have feelings too. why the hell do you think im writing this blog?

so that i can let it out like a normal person.

i dont let it out in hurting others.

if whoever you are has a problem with me, then say it to my face.

dont embarrass me like that.

people are dumb.

raise your glass

remember when we used to have imaginary friends?

why dont we still have them anymore!? i used to have an imaginary friend, i eally dont remember his name, i think it was Renadlo or Augustus.. something evil sounding (not saying if your name is one of the two that your evil)... and he was a complete ass. he'd make me do bad things and get in trouble in preschool and kindergarden. So then one night i though up Esmerelda, who was my nice imaginary friend, and together we shoved evil friend in a box. i remember that i taped up the box so he'd never come out.. and it was so so many years ago that i had them, but i remember in like grade 5 or 6 when i rummaged through my stuff, i found a taped up box, and i laughed but at the same time, i kind of got scared, and im not embarrassed to admit it. i was always scare that that friend would attack me or something.

quicksearch; insane girl who still believes in imaginary stuff

allthough i knew it wouldnt happen, like ever; i still threw it away quickly, because holding that box made me feel like a little kid again.

You know, i actually miss being younger so much. where the meanest thing was 'im not your friend anymore' and the love was when two kids played lego or somthing like that together. where your biggest worry was that you didnt draw in the lines, and your way of being with someone was a playdate. when you had sleepovers and talked about spongebob and you smoked popey sticks to look like the older kids.

I miss the days.. its funny how now were the people we used to look up to. we used to watch the big kids walk around and we'd be like.. one day, thats us. and when it is us, we look up to people even older. i wonder what happends when were like 30 years old, will we still be looking up? or will we look down and wish we were that age.

I think the "age to be" is around 16 to 22. during those years, we like everything and junk. but if your younger, you look up to them, and when your older, you look down (in a looking up kind of way) and wish you were them.

life may be fucked up, but we can stop ourselves from fucking up life.

Kiss me all night, dont ever let me go !

kay guys. new obsession song ; If we ever meet again - Timberland ft. Katy Perry.

its an adorable song, but it has my favourite thing.. when the end of the song like changes tunes into a total different song. i think its too funny. i wonder why people do it..

wierd?

i also wonder why all songs are about love now..

i remember when songs were about making friends and dancing.

now they're pretty much about money, 'pussy', weed, having sex, love problems/solutions and meeting someone new that you want to get with.

there in lies the reason why there is so much conflict. because in these songs it shows how your man isnt right if he does this or that, because the song told you about it.

whered the good songs like barney's classic "clean up" song or "please and thank you". those are classic songs, and obviously we dont want to sing or dance to them, but cant you use something positive as an inspiration? why do we sing about the bad things in life.

for once id like to hear a song about a guy who goes on a walk and see's how the world is beautiful. Sure, the idea is a little bit crummy, but if someone expanded on it, im sure we could have a hit that you would actually listen to.

but we relate to this music!

its only because we MAKE our situations turn out like the music system. we adjust our life so that we can say "yea, what just happened is just like that song i heard on the radio last night".

i'd bet if we actually lived our own life, music involved of course, but without letting us change the way we think, then music would be better, would be more civalized. wouldnt be about racism or hate.

thanks for reading (:

tik tok

you know what i hate?

waiting!

because your parents call you crazy for being on the computer for so long, but your not on for games or anything.. your on for that one person.. and your staring at the list of online people, hoping with every bone in your body that they'll pop up, but they just dont.

i hate waiting, cause it give you the worst possible situation.

they arent online because they think im wierd, or they know i want them online. maybe they blocked me? but in the end, they were busy, or their mom was using the computer.

i hate waiting, because it makes you want them online even more then you allready do, and if they dont show, you feel like hell, because you didnt get what you wanted.

i hate waiting, because it takes too long. and because its more time that your not spending talking to the person your waiting for.

re-shout

just a quick shout out to my best bud alex padowicz, ily buddy and happy birthdayy!!

cookies gone bad

so i decided for valentines day i would make cookies for my family, cause im awesome.

keyword; awwwe

so im feeling all confident, making these cookies, because im home alone and my parents never let me bake when nobodys home. i was really excited about it, until it told me to put two cups of chocolate chips. Me being me, i put the two cups like it said, and then i realized there was a lot of friggen chocochips in there. i decided it was because it was resting ontop of the layer of flour, and it really wasnt that much, and when i mixed it would be a normal size.

quicksearch; really wrong girl uses too many chips

so like me again, i used waaay too many. i decided to let it go and just make the cookies. A heart for my dad, an 'A' for my sister, and a 'C' for my mom, even though she'd never eat it, and then i used leftovers to make normal cookies.

note to self; if one puts cookies too close, they will turn out ugly

as my friend alex described it, the 'A' looked like a blob, the 'C' looked like an ass and the heart looked like a foxes head. they turned out really ugly, and stuck together. My sister helped out a bit by trying to reshape the letters and make them look better, but it was a big big fail. I laughed because its so like me to fuck up my first time they trust me to bake, and after wasting all of the chocochips and making ugly cookies (ones that tasted like pure pure sugar), i was never to be trusted alone again.

funny how strangely, im okay with that.

I'm always so used to baking with my mum, and ive always loved baking with her, because we do the silliest things, and baking alone felt different. when i made a mess of myself, i had nobody to laugh with, and that was a little bit sad.

i guess i wrote this because in the spirit of valentines day (keyword; bleughh), i realized that doing things alone and being trusted isn't what i thought it would be. Yea it was cool, but i guess i really realized how much i appreciate my family being around to boss me around and not trust me when i do something dumb. i also appreciate my family to be around when i do something amazing and when funny things happen. Just don't tell them all of that, because then they'll know that i actually like them, and we dont want that to happen do we?

quicksearch; justine attacking you with knife when you tell her parents

by the way, that quicksearch was a kidd. :)

so happy valentines day (BLEUUGHHH!!) and i hope you realize things like i did today, cause its always nice to know that other then your 'valentine' or your crush, your family and friends love you too <3

PS; HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEANYYY! (shoutout to my best budd evahh!)

dumb people like you

i hate dumb people like jessica dokis (:

but i actually adore her. cause she has..

well.. nice tits (:

bang bang bang the drum

the second i see her face, i just want to .. yell? cry? attack?

quicksearch; crazy bitch on the loose

sometimes i just walk around my house naked.

that has nothing to do with it, but everything at the same time. i want to feel exposed to myself, so that i know that im really there, that im not invisible to myself.

feaked? yes, i am too. you could read this and not understand what im saying or what i mean, but i know what i mean and what im saying, and i love that im talking to myself, but talking to the rest of the world at the same time.

you know, when i started this, i was going to bash someone without saying their name, what they've done or who they are. ive realized that bashing on someone is just so dumb, because that person is so not worth even a sentence in my blog. ill just tell you this; they make me mad, they ruined my high school experience, and they're a thief. not of things, but.. of people, and of personalities, of emotions and souls.

keywords; robber, whore, hater, gossiper, shittalker, lifetaker.

and then theres me.. naked old me walking around my house.

i expose myself, to remind myself, that despite this person, or even these people, i am still myself, and im still there, and if i can survive that, then i can survive anything. i am a blogger, i am a writer, i am a psycho, i am a bitch...

at least i know who i am.

love is forever

Do you believe in love at first sight?
Do you believe in fate?
Do you believe that out there, there is someone for everyone?
Do you believe that you have a soul mate?

If your answers to these questions are yes, then you and I are on the same page. If no, then let me explain to you what will happen in the future..

Everyone is born with a soul mate. Weather you believe in it or not, it is there. Someone, somewhere, is destined to be with you. You might meet them when your 12, or when your 38, but they are out there, looking for you, just like you are looking for them. There can be many other relationships on the way to finding your soul mate, and you might fall in love once or twice, but there is no love like the love of a soul mate, when you know that you have found your other half, your missing piece of the puzzle. You will know when you have found them.

But what if you don't believe in them? We all have the time to say "I'm destined to be alone forever, god wanted me to be single forever." about a billion times, but then we laugh later on about it. But what if you don't laugh? I can say that I've said the "nobody loves me" line about a trillion times, but I know its untrue. I've tried to give up on love, but then that person walks by, and I say to myself "screw giving up, they're hot!".

Trust me, giving up is probably the stupidest thing to ever do. Not only are you giving up on yourself, but you are also giving up on the people who love you. There are people in the world that actually care about you, and want you to be happy, weather you like it or not. And the worst part of giving up, is giving up on your other half.

Think of it this way; If a child is missing, and the parents are searching and searching, and don't find him for a while, they would give up, right? I know that this doesn't compare to love, but if these parents give up, they are not only giving up on themselves, but what about that missing child? They are giving up on their "other half".

So if you decided to completely give up on love, and live a life alone, that's your decision. But think about how your other half is feeling? Searching and searching for you, and since you gave up on them, they ever find you, and they end up living a lonely life, because of what you chose to do.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say your a bad person, and I'm not trying to take away your views on life and change them to mine. All I wanted you to do, was hear me out, take what I said into consideration.

I recently watched the modern version of Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet". My teacher asked us to answer the following question; Is there any room in today's society for a love story like this?. I was taken by surprise by this question, and it forced me to think. Of course the rest of my class said no right away, but I disagree in a sense

I agree and disagree. The reasons behind this were simply that it isn't possible because of us. We talk so low and treat ourselves so negatively. If we didn't think of ourselves so badly, maybe there would be room for love story's like this. We all say no right away, because we as a society don't think we can handle that kind of pressure. We act as though we are weak and cannot do anything, even love.

I think that if we believed a little more in love, and believed in ourselves, maybe, just maybe, our society would change its views on life. Maybe we would have more love and have more soul mates. Maybe people wouldn't give up so easily.

Also, why do they think that love story's don't happen every day? Sure, not in the same context as Romeo and Juliet, but the same kinds of topics. Think homosexuals for an example. Two people of the same gender are in love, yet they "can't" be together, because of society and because of how badly gay people are treated.

Thats all i gotta say about that..

i am facebook; hear me roar

wowza. facebook is owning us all.

i always knew that we'd become mindless zombies one day, but a website made us do it?

kudos facebook. now you know us inside out, and now we'll never be able to live normally, because our life is posted on the internet, and our social status is based on how many friends we have, how many people write on our walls and who has the 'sexyest name rating'.

keywords; reality check, information overload

check out reality facebookers; how many of those 645 people do you actually talk to?

information on that website is overloaded, and soon they will be able to control our lives.

QUICKSEARCH: farmville ?

did you know that farmville has the most users on facebook? did you also know that its like owning your own farm? fun right? WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!

I know a girl who knows a person and blah blah blah; but she cried when her crops died...

I know a guy who knows another person and bleh bleh bleh; but he gave his friend his password because he had work, and he needed someone to water his plants.

facebookers, its a virtual farm. get over it.

this is the harm that this society gives us, and we dont really care, do we?

think about your future. it may seem innocent and fun now, but websites like this can take over your life.

the fun of blogging

the fun of blogging is that allthough i might not be anonymous, i can make up names, make up a life for myself. but the more fun part is that i know i can make believe and play pretend, but i wont. because maybe thats just who i am, or its the right thing to do. ive realized how hard it will be to write here, knowing that anyone and everyone can read it, but also, this piece of ugly blog is meant for me to bash, vent, and live. dont like it? suck my dick. (: